Sun Kissed

“You don’t understand Catalina” I said through gritted teeth.

“My marriage is hanging by a thread, my wedding is this close (I squeezed my thumb and index together) to never happening.” I paused a second and wiped a tear.

“This is not the time for you to tell me you don’t have a “King bed” available, even though that is exactly the room I booked and fully pre-paid a whole year ago.”

I waited for my speech to have an effect in Catalina’s response. It did, just not the one I wanted.

“Let me get my manager” her condescending tone was all that was left as she sprinted away to the safety of the back room. And I didn’t blame her. I could see the picture in my mind as if it were a movie; Me -my crazy eyes, yelling at the unlucky hotel staff. The counter top droplets of spit and by the looks I kept on receiving...I definitely yelled at her. Fan-fudging-tasic.

Two hours later and what felt like a dozen margaritas after, I sat on the floor of our double twin bed cabana regrouping and planning my next move. It was not for lack of trying, I definitely drove my point across with the manager but apparently they were fully booked. And although they did offer to book us on a partner hotel, I still felt unheard and taken advantage off. My whole life had been a series of unfortunate events and I’ve always made due but for once I wanted something to go my way. After I researched, planned and pre-paid every single aspect of this trip anything other than me being cursed would be a short answer to the "why would this happen to me" question.

Donnie and I were supposed to be married by now. This was our non- refundable honeymoon.I spent a large portion of my savings trying to wow him. After having three jobs for years, I managed to save eighty five thousand dollars by being extremely frugal with my funds. When you grow up like I did, you have to. Donnie is a jealous person, he mostly clashes with my best friend Sarah. He never understood why Sarah and I had a joint savings account and why I named her second authorized in my savings one. Call it a show of love or what not, this trip was supposed to show him exactly how important he was in my life.

As I said I wanted to wow him, and it worked. He was so “wowed” that he had a heart attack. It led to us postpone the wedding until he was out of risk. Nobody could have told us it would take over two years. I decided not to cancel our honeymoon trip, figuring we could use the time to reconnect and get back on track. After all, I could feel him pulling away. It was as though he’d noticed we didn’t exactly fit.

We are nothing alike. Donovan is outgoing, charismatic, pretty much the life of the party. He has a knack for blending in with any crowd whereas Iprefer to keep to myself. The thought of going to a party or the knowledge of conversations to come are enough to exhaust me beyond the point of moving. I had always thought we complemented each other nicely, with me managing our accounts (once they are joined and he starts getting paid for his novel) and him managing our social calendar, we were golden.

My phone ran, doing little to halt my spiraling thoughts.

“I am on my third margarita, what is it” Checking the caller id was unnecessary, I knew it was Sarah. She is literally the only person that calls me aside from telemarketers and fake debt collectors.

“Please tell me you already banged him at least 4 times. Actually, please tell me you haven’t banged him and are instead dumping him for good” chirped Sarah with increased excitement towards the end. Not that it surprised me, she hated Donnie. Thought of him as a man child incapable of loving me the way I deserve. Her words, not mine. She wasn’t shy about letting it be known either.

“No. I told you, I will not be the reason he has another heart attack. I think his celibacy idea is romantic and chivalrous. Not having sex until after the wedding will make that moment that much more special. Plus, there’s a million ways of achieving intimacy other than through sex.” – I jumped on the bed.

“As someone who’s had sex, I can tell you it will just make it that much more awkward. If this is before the wedding I don’t want to think what your arrangement would be after being married for a decade. Sex once a year seems too adventurous for you guys.” Sarah scolded, and I knew she was rolling her eyes.

This was her way of looking out for me. She could never understand how he could keep his hands off of me even though we have lived together for four years. What really filled her cup with hatred was when he quit his teaching job, after I agreed to support him while he pursued his novel. I’ve always believed successful couples are team players that build each other up but ultimately support each other through thick and thin and I was doing just that.

“Maybe I’ll give Megan a chance.” I baited, Sarah never let me forget how I was the only one who never experimented with girls in high school or college. Sure, I can and do admit when women are attractive but other than that, I’m not able to even watch porn when it solely focuses on the women without looking around and making sure that no one is judging me or accusing me of lewd behavior.

“I think you are a little too late for that babes. And don’t get crazy ideas about me, I wouldn’t let you touch me with a 10 foot pole; specially after slobbering all over nasty Nate!” she replied, laughing.

“Listen Hun, whatever it is that it’s not to your liking, fix it. You, are a creative thinker, a problem solver and a damn good fighter for those you love. Figure it out. I might not like Donnie, but I know you and there is no way in hell a man can be next to you for four years and not love you.” She ended the call.

We never said goodbye and we never said hello. It was our code, ever since we became blood sisters at the orphanage. No, we did not slash our wrists together. We did bond over being the last girls at the orphanage to get our periods. A blessing in disguise since we had attended to four years of feminine reproduction talks and were well stocked with free goodies for a good year worth of periods. In our world, that was a luxury. Being stocked up meant we could put our hard earned money towards saving for an apartment deposit. Aging out of the system was no joke, specially in New York City where even those with a head start in life struggled.

I can fix this; Donnie had taken a separate flight because of his work. Lately, he had been in the zone. Always scurrying away to the nearest café to work on his novel. I had yet to read it because he is conservative and watchful of his work. He’s made it clear he trusts me, but we can’t trust emails or printers memories and I would never trust myself with his laptop. Part of me felt like in a way he was protecting himself, even though I would never hurt his feelings I don’t think he fully trusts his potential. I do.

He was due to be arriving in three hours and I had already booked a VIP driver to pick him up. I was not sure if I should book us any activities for tomorrow but in the end, I decided to go for it. So I booked us a tour to Teotihuacan, to see the Pyramid of the Sun and the Pyramid of the Moon. After all, I wanted to ignite a spark but I was in no way trying to initiate sex. I meant what I said to Sarah, I think a sex hiatus will be good for our marriage and will help us ensure our foundation is solid. I am not a prude, we have done stuff early in our relationship but as things evolved something shifted into a deeper more connected relationship and sexual intimacy was pushed to the rear burner.

“Ok, think.” I paced around the room trying to figure out how to turn the room you assign the kids into the room that makes you want to slow dance with your wife with wine and candle lights while on vacation. Pushing them together is an option, I’ve seen it done in cruises. I wonder if they would give me a fitted sheet that could squeeze both mattresses together. I quickly discarded the idea, I was sure my cheeks were still red in shame aftermy rage display with Catalina.

I quickly got to work. Re-arranging the room seemed like an easy fit but certainly made me break a sweat. Before I knew it, I was running against the clock. I quickly jumped in the shower and scrubbed every nook and cranny. I wanted to feel feminine, soft, sexy. I desired to be desired. I meant what I said to Sarah, I planned on fully honoring Donnies request of saving this very special moment for our wedding night. I just wanted the task to be hard, I wanted to visibly see a man break a sweat while attempting to keep his hands to himself. I wanted him to love me so deeply that respecting me was as much of an effort as not making love to me.