Chapter 1
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like them but you’re gonna have to deal with them if you want to be with me.” I plead, trying to get an answer out of him that isn’t full of frustration and anger. Guilt and anger pooled in my stomach, and I had to prevent myself from falling onto my knees in front of him. “You know I love you. That’s all that should matter, right?”
“It’s not normal, Chanel. You’re fucking seventeen years old. You should be independent. Your parents can’t control you forever.” His sharp words make me shrink. I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears began to prick my eyes, as the cold breeze threatened to slide tears across my cheek. “You’re telling me, they won’t let you come over to my house, sleep over or do any of that shit? How much longer do I have to come to yours and leave at a curfew?”
“I don’t know. Just a little while longer.” My voice is beginning to crack and he rolls his eyes at me for the twentieth time.
“Nothing fucking changes with you.” I lean back, my arms crossed as he looks down scowling at the grass. “I compromise so much and get nothing out of it.” He punches the side of my fence, and I flinch a little bit. I choose to ignore his sudden action, feeling beaten down by his words and his body language.
“I don’t get it. Why couldn’t you just respect that my parents have a curfew at their house? You know, maybe this wouldn’t be happening if you tried to make a decent impression.” I argue back.
“Respect goes both ways. They should respect the fact that I want you to come over to my house.” I feel acid shoot you into my throat from my stomach.
“Well maybe if you told my mum you didn’t have a ride home, politely, she’d let you stay.” I bite, feeling blood pulsing through every part of my body.
“They wouldn’t fucking care about me.” He bites, kicking the grass.
“Arjun, are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how stupid you sound?”
“Chanel, are you okay?” My mum walks outside, keeping a distance. I nod, trying my best to look calm.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just waiting with Arjun.” She sends me a harsh look, and walks back inside. She was overreacting, and I could feel it, but I wanted to deal with things one at a time.
“Fine, I’m just the bad guy I guess. As usual. Just fuck off and leave me here. Your mum’s already wondering what the fuck is going on.” A sharp pain hits my heart, as he looks away from me, and at his phone, texting away to who knows.
I hate when he pushes me away. I fucking hate it. I hate myself. I hate the fact that my parents are kind of strict. And I hate that I’m listening to him. I’m scared he’s right. I’m scared he’s right about everything. Me not being independent, my parents being bitches to him when I know they try to be extremely kind and welcoming to him. I feel like I’m going fucking crazy for no reason. He just gets upset when it doesn’t go his way, or when people don’t share the same opinions as him.
It’s not his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. He’s just been hurt in his younger years. I feel awful for him. I feel awful that I am just not independent.
Don’t fucking cry again Chanel.
“Why are you crying again? Stop crying, please.” He says, looking up from his phone and rolling his eyes. He sighs as I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my sweater.
“Because I feel…like you don’t get me. I feel like you don’t even like me.” I whisper, trying not to break into uncontrollable sobbing.
“I do fucking like you.” He breathes out, taking a seat on the grass. He finally looks up at me. “I just want to touch you when we’re alone. I want to be close to you. In private. You know I love you” I breathe out. I wanted that too but I didn’t want to disobey my parents.
I nod, looking around. It was the middle of the night so thankfully no one was actually present outside to witness any of this because fuck, I would bury myself if anyone did.
He stands up, closing the gap in front of us. Gripping my waist, I snake my arms around his neck, tears running down my face. He tightens his grip around me, and I feel all the blood push into the tips of my fingers. He gently kisses my head.
“This sounds bad but I do need to go inside and sleep.” I mumble. He doesn’t say anything, brushing my tears away.
“Go.” He sternly says. He’s back to looking at his phone, the light illuminating his soft brown skin.
I walk back into my house, not daring to look back and cry.
“Chanel. I told you he needs to leave at eleven.” My mum says, following me into my room. “He is so childish you know? None of your friends have ever done this before.”
“I know! I’m sorry. But it’s really annoying because you won’t let me go over to his.”
“I don’t want you to go over to his yet.” She scowls.
I knew the reason why. S E X!
I roll my eyes, crying now. I know I was being a nuisance but I was upset. I was upset that my boyfriend was upset at me, and upset that I was arguing with my mum about this silly thing.
It was humiliating.
