Root Beer Bottle

"I was twenty one when I lost my virginity," Timothy told her.

Rue looked up from her plate at him a bit alarmed. She wasn't sure how their conversation had led to this point. Confused and unsettled, she simply nodded her head in acknowledgement that she had heard him and then resumed looking down at her plate of a sad taquitos combo. "Twenty one?" she asked, picking at the bland rice. "Wow,” she said more to the disappointing food than to him. “That's fairly late."

"I was very religious." Timothy snarked.

"That's nice,” Rue said, taking note of his tone. “Good for you." She poked at her already blackening guacamole.

"You said that like it was a bad thing."

"No, no, no. It's not a bad thing. It's just…” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Very surprising. Most people don't wait until they're twenty one. I waited until I was nineteen." She pointed to herself.

She raised her head and saw Timothy looking at her defensively. There was a brief yet awkward silence.

"Well, I was twenty one," he quickly spat.

"Okay." Again, she turned her gaze on her meal.

"I remember when my mom found out," he continued with his tale.

"What do you mean?" She took a long sip of her unsweet tea, wishing it was stronger.

"I was still living at home."

"Oh, okay,” she nodded her head in understanding.

"Well, I mean,” his eyebrows raised along with his voice. “I was going to college."

"Okay,” she nodded again.

"Well, so that's why I was living at home with my parents."

"All right, that's fine." Her voice was calm and collected. She had lost all interest in him and this date and was ready to leave.

"Well, there's no shame in living with your parents when you're in college."

"I didn't say there was." Her eyes were now half closed and her voice no longer had any of its typical warmth.

"Okay. Well. So there I was. I had had intercourse with my girlfriend and I had taken the condom and had put it in a root beer bottle."

"This was your first time?"Against her wishes her interest had been piqued.

"No. But this was when my mom had found out I was no longer a virgin."

"Okay. So, you put a condom in a root beer bottle?" she asked.

"Yes. The used condom."

"Why would you do that?" She put her fork down.

"Well I didn't want my mom to find out."

"Okay." She pushed her dissatisfying meal away and folded her arms inward, putting her hands in the opposite sleeves of her larger sized, mustard gold sweater. She looked at him and studied his appearance. He was extremely pale, close to sickly. The color of his eyes were an inviting, light shade of brown. But the eyes themselves were untrustworthy and reeked of being judgeful. His nails were spotless and his cuticles trimmed. His clothes looked ironed, even his designer jeans. His hair appeared recently cut and the longer hair on top was gelled. He gave an air of a conservative, but he had an earring on the forward helix of his ear, something not seen by conservatives around this region. Overall, Rue did not believe that he was not an unattractive man, but there was something about him that repelled her. However, Rue did love a good, or better yet, a weird story so she decided to stay and hear his tale.

"So, anyway, I took the used condom and I put it in the root beer bottle and I put it in the wastebasket and I was going to try to make sure to remember to take it and put it in the actual trash can before my mom got up just in case because I didn't want her to see it."

"You had put it in the trash, in your room, and was worried she was going to see it?"

"Yes."

"But it was in the trash?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Rue breathed out her nose.

"So I was going to take it out before she could see it. But the next day, I had come home and she had called me into the kitchen and sat me down and she had handed me the root beer bottle."

"The one with the condom in it?"

"There was no condom in it."

"Okay..."

"And she asked me why there was a beer bottle in my wastebasket. And I told her that it wasn't alcohol. It was a soda. It was a root beer."

"And you were twenty one."

"Yes, but I wasn't supposed to be drinking in her house."

"But it wasn't beer? It was an actual root beer bottle?” she paused, waiting for him to answer her. He didn't, just staring at her. “She couldn't tell the difference?" she asked.

"Apparently not. So I explained to her it wasn't beer. It was a root beer."

"Okay."

"So after I explained that to her we just kind of sat there for a little bit and then I noticed. … I noticed that there was no condom in the bottle."

"This is the same bottle you had put the condom in?"

"Yes. The condom I had put in there, it was gone. And then she handed me the condom."

Rue was silent. Timothy stared at her, eagerly waiting for Rue to ask him to keep talking. She took the bait. "The used condom that was in the root beer bottle?"

"Yes. The used condom that was in the root beer bottle."

"It was used, and she handed it to you?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"And so then she decides to go on and lecture me about how I was taking advantage of my girlfriend by having sex with her."

"Okay."

"She was so angry with me that I took my girlfriend's virginity."

"She handed you a used condom."

"Yes, yes."

Rue scratched her forehead and mumbled, "That's really gross."

"Well. She just kept going on and on and on about how I defiled my girlfriend. Making me out to be a villain."

"Okay."

"So after all that, she told me pretty much to get out of her sight. Then, the worst part happened."

"It gets worse?"

"After she made me feel like two inches tall for having sex with my girlfriend, I looked back and I saw that she was rinsing out the condom in the sink."

"She was rinsing out the semen from the inside of the condom, into the kitchen sink?"

"Yes. Which I don't know why because that stuff clogs up sinks. I guess she didn't know that."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know."

"That's a lot to lay on somebody."

"I know! Can you believe she did that?"

"No, no I mean. Well, yeah. That is messed up but. But what I meant is, well, this is our first date. That's a lot to lay on somebody on the first date. We've never met before."

"Oh, it's fine." He waved his hand at her. “We’re bonding after all.”

"How did we even get on this topic?"

"I'm not sure."

"Yeah…"

"Another thing that she did was one time-"

"Do you- sorry for interrupting. Do you have a lot of stories about your mom?"

"Loads."

"Loads, huh?"

"So many. I guarantee my mom is more crazy than your mom."

"I'm not sure about that. I have some doozy stories."

"Oh, do tell."

"Oh, no thanks. Uhm. Do you still talk to your mom?"

"Oh, yeah."

"So she's pretty active in your life?"

"Yeah. I'm closer to my Father, but he caters to her so wherever he goes, she's there, too."

"I understand. My parents are codependent as well."

"Oh I guarantee my parents are worse."

"Yeah…” she breathed out slowly. “I think the restaurant might be closing soon. I'm going to see what time they close."

"Oh we have plenty of time! They don't close for another thirty minutes."

"Oh, well, I don't really want to have them work past close so I'm going to ask for the check."

"We can just ask the waitress for the check when she comes back over. Seriously, it's not a big deal. We're fine."

"Yeah, okay." Rue stayed sitting and looked around for their waitress. To her disappointment they were all busy and she did not want to bother the hostess either.

"So my mom one time, I was just sitting in my room and she decided to just come in, without knocking, and opening all my cabinets."

"Your cabinets?" she asked still looking around.

"Bathroom cabinets. I had my own bathroom."

"Oh, wow. That's nice."

"But she just opened all the cabinets, and then left them open, and walked out. She didn't say anything."

"She sounds like she has control issues."

"Oh, she does. And my Father just lets her do these things. He kind of rolls his eyes and she just keeps doing weird, annoying, in your face things."

"Im going to get the check."

"It's fine. The waitress will be here any- See? Here she is right here."

To her surprise the waitress walked up to the table. "Ma'am, can we get the ticket?" Rue asked the waitress. The waitress shook her head yes, left the ticket, and turned to leave.

Timothy not seeing the ticket had been placed on the table said to her, "Thank you. Take your time, we are in no hurry."

“Where do I pay?” Rue asked hurriedly. The waitress turned back to Rue and pointed to the hostess stand. “Thank you,” Rue said and reached in her handbag for her wallet.

“What time do you close?” Timothy asked the waitress. She held up both her hands. “Ten?” She nodded. He looked at Rue, “We have plenty of time!”

"We have been here for a minute. I need to take my dog out." Rue said dismissively.

"How far do you live from here?"

"Not that far."

"Oh, really? Whereabouts?"

"I'm just going to go up and pay at the register."

"Oh. Well thank you for paying for my meal! You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah." She stared at him blankly. She couldn't put her finger on what was so off about him.

"I appreciate it, thank you."

"Okay."

"Should I leave the tip?"

"Sure. How much are you going to leave?"

"Five dollars?"

"That's not twenty percent."

"It's fine."

"Well I'm going to pay and then I'm going to leave to take my dog out."

"Oh, I'll go with you. I'll walk you out to your car."

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Oh it's no problem at all. Come on."

She abruptly stood and marched to the register, him rushing to catch up to her despite being almost a foot taller than her. She hurriedly paid and power walked out the door, him quick on her heels.

"Well I had a really good time with you! I can't wait to hang out with you again."

"Yeah, okay."

"Well make sure that you call me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay thanks."

"Text me when you get home?"

"Okay." She unlocked her car and as she went to open it he leaned in.

"Do I get a goodbye kiss?" he asked her, inching closer to.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm okay, thank you. Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Are you sure? How about a hug?" He got mere inches from her and she pushed him out of the way to open her door. "You sure no kiss?” he asked. “How about a quick hug?"

"Yes, yes, yes, thank you. No. No, I didn't mean yes to kiss me. Or hug me. Please, I'm trying to just squeeze right into my car. Okay. Thank you. You have a good night."

"I can really go for a kiss." He was reaching to put his body in the way of her shutting the door.

"All right. Thank you. I'm closing my door now." She grabbed her door and slammed it shut, him barely getting out of the way. "Have a good night. Bye."

"Okay. Well, bye…" He heard the door lock and watched her as she quickly drove away.