One: Waking Up
A dimly lit room greets me as my heavy eyes flutter open. My heart skips a beat at the realisation of restraint on each of my wrists. It pounds even more as I become more aware of my surroundings.
The room is gloomy and dull. There’s nothing else but the bed I’m currently in. Not a single person in the room with me. I’m alone and tied up to a bed. Someone won’t come and save me if I scream for help. It’ll only let them know that I’m awake.
What the fuck? Where am I? How did I end up here? Why am I strapped onto a bed? Did someone kidnap me? What are they going to do to me? Are they going to torture me? Are they going to rape me? Is this some kind of sick bondage shit? Oh no. This can’t be happening. I’ve never signed up for this kind of shit. I have to free myself from this fucking restraint. But how? These are literally made out of thick material. I think it’s leather. I can’t just try to break it like a zip tie in one of those ‘escape a kidnapper’ videos.
The tight and firm restraints don’t seem to budge at my low effort of tugging at them. They stay in their places, tied onto the rails on each side of the bed. Anxiety starts to blur my focus, making it difficult for me to find the solution to my predicament. It only gets worse when I find ropes tied around my thankfully fully-clothed body. Now that I’ve found another problem, how the fuck am I supposed to escape this? Are all these even necessary? How many ropes do they need to keep me down? This is utter madness. Fucking hell.
With all my might, I pull at the leather straps around my wrists again. It’s unfortunate that I immediately run out of strength after seconds of forcefully pulling at the restraints. The action doesn’t give me a decent result. In reality, it only constricts the blood flow between my lower arms and hands.
Shit. I can’t get out. Fuck. I’m fucked. I’m absolutely fucked. Oh God. Please help me. I really need to leave this place. Help me get out of this place. I can’t stay in here any longer. How long have I been in here? Hours? Days?
Not giving up yet, I take a closer look at the restraints in hope of finding a leverage. I find a buckle around it and then an idea pops into my mind. Perhaps I can free myself by pulling on the fastener with my teeth. It will absolutely hurt my teeth, possibly breaking them, but it’s the only way I can break myself free from the damn thing. I’m not risking myself staying here any longer and getting used and raped by some perverted motherfuckers.
I bring my face closer to the strap around my right hand. The ropes and restraints do their job well in keeping me down. I keep pushing and struggling against them until my face is right in front of the restraint around my right wrist. My body is now in an uncomfortable position. Like it or not, I have to endure it for the sake of my future’s safety. I need to free myself. It’s not or never. I need to do it now.
I dig my teeth into the leather strap and start pulling at it despite the pain I feel in my teeth. I keep pulling on it, carefully as to not lose my grip on it. A loud bang causes my heart to jump out of my chest. Looking up, I see three men walking straight towards me.
Fuck. Who are they? Oh shit. I’m fucked. I’m really, really fucked. How can I escape now? Are they going to assault me now? Are they going to rape m? Oh no. I can’t let it happen. I can’t let them do that to me.
Now I’m unable to move as two men hold me down by the arm against the bed. Their expression cold as they keep pushing me into the bed. I stare at them as my mind rushes with unwanted thoughts, debilitating me from my escape attempt.
“Let me go!” I shout. The men don’t seem to budge despite my unyielding struggle against their hold. In the heat of the moment, my body suddenly loses its strength. I can no longer fight them. My body has gone numb and weak and my eyes are getting heavy.
What did they do to me? Did they just drug me again? How didn’t I feel it? This is terrible. This is a real-life nightmare. What are they planning to do with me?
The men’s hold on me loosen. My eyes are getting heavier and heavier and my body weakens as seconds pass. Drowsiness engulfs me and the only thing I can do with my remaining strength is to repeat my previous words.
“Let me go …”
Despite my conscious persistent fighting against the drug-induced drowsiness, my body gives up on its own and shut itself down. Now I’m back in the darkness again with nothing around me but endless void.
My eyes feel like they’re about to explode as bright light enters my pupils. I can only squint at the light, trying to prevent more of the not-so-heavenly brightness from hurting my vision. When my eyes are getting adjusted to the light, I can finally see my surroundings better. A frown appears on my face as I look around the oddly familiar bedroom. Where am I? Whose bedroom am I in?
The sudden appearance of a man on my right triggers my heart to pound in my chest. The man only smiles at me and I can’t help but to stare back at him in confusion. When did he get here? I don’t see him earlier. Who is he? Why does he look so familiar?
“You’re fine now. Everything’s going to be okay,” the man says with assurance. Almost encouragingly. His statement only makes my eyebrows furrow in confusion. I take a quick glance around the room again. There’s no significant clue about my current whereabouts right now despite its familiar appearance.
What happened? Did the man save me from something? Why am I here in a stranger’s room?
My gaze averts to the man next to me again. The same oddly comforting smile hasn’t left his face. My eyebrows furrow even deeper as the man grabs my hand and hold it in his. The gesture only causes the anxiety in me to build up. I don’t want to be hold yet I can’t move my hand away from him. What the hell is going on? This is weird.
The man’s smile falters within seconds. His once calm expression makes turns gloomy as he stares at our hands. What’s wrong? Why does he look so sad now? What the fuck is actually going on? This is seriously scaring me.
“You’re safe, Allura. You can wake up now,” the man says. I only stares at him in confusion at the mention of my name. How does he know my name? Do I know him? Do we know each other? I don’t remember him at all. This is getting bizarre. Also, did he just say I can wake up now? What the fuck? Dude, I’m already awake! Can’t you see my eyes? They’re literally wide open right now.
“I’m already awake,” I respond in confusion. The man ignores my words. It doesn’t even seem like he heard what I just said. What the hell?
“We’ve been waiting for you. It’s been awhile,” the man says.
Waiting for me? For what? Dude. This is getting insanely creepy. What the actual fuck is going on?
The man’s expression becomes somber. My head spins as thoughts race in my mind. Help. I’m scared. I’ve never been this scared in my life. What’s happening? Am I dreaming or is this real?
“Everything’s going to be okay,” the man says. He nods to himself. It looks like he’s trying to convince himself instead of me. Why? What happened? Why does he look so sad?
I continue to stare at him with a frown. A drop of tear falls from his eyes as he puts his head on the bed next to me. Why is he crying now? What’s going on?
Now it feels like my body has gone stiff. I can’t move it. The only thing I can control is my pair of eyes. Am I having a sleep paralysis now? I don’t understand.
Everything fades and darkens right in front of my eyes. I can’t find the man anymore. Everything disappears until all that’s left around me is darkness and nothing else.
I hear beeping. An annoying, steady beeping. The sound makes me wince. It feels as though it’s digging into my head and being imprinted into my brain.
Where is the sound coming from? It sounds oddly familiar. I think I’ve heard it somewhere before. Where is it from? Oh, now I know where it’s from. Is it from the monitor in hospital? You know, the thing that shows your heartbeat and stuff? Is that it? If that’s so, that means I’m in the hospital now. What the fuck happened though? I don’t remember anything. I can’t remember anything. How did I end up here? Did I try to kill myself? It sounds like a good reason since I’ve been suicidal almost all my life. How fucking great. This is probably the only time that I have the courage to actually do it but I failed. Fuck. This sucks. They should’ve just let me die. Who the fuck saved me? I fucking hate them. Now I have to live with my parents again. How fucking great.
My breath hitches at the realisation of me not being able to open my eyes. The failure of moving my body only causes my anxiety to heighten. This doesn’t feel like any sleep paralysis I’ve experienced. I feel very much awake. I can hear everything around me clearly. There’s actually someone whispering to each other a bit further away from me. Who is it?
In the midst of my anxiety and panic, I persist in trying to move my body. Unfortunately, my body won’t cooperate with my mind. I still can’t move my body now. What should I do? Am I stuck in here? Wait. Am I in a coma? Fuck. This doesn’t feel fun. This is horrifying.
The beeping goes faster as my anxiety worsens. I hear bustles next to me and then it fades as the person walks away from me. My focus shifts to the presence of someone next to me. I hear him sigh and I try to recognise the voice. Who is that? Is it my father? That can’t be him. There’s no fucking way it’s him. He won’t give a fuck if I’m dying. The only thing he cared about is his money and reputation. Now that I think about it, me attempting suicide could hurt his reputation. That’s definitely why I’m saved from death. Why does this have to happen? Why won’t he just let me die? I just want to die. I don’t want to live with him anymore. I don’t want to be alive.
“Allura, it’s been a week.”
Confusion hits me after I hear the voice. Who is that? That doesn’t sound like my father. What’s going on? Who is this man? Did he just said a week? Have I been unconscious for a week? What the fuck? How could I be asleep for that long?
I remain focused on every sound in the room. There’s something inside of me that’s curious about the man and hoping to find the answer soon. He has to be someone of importance to me if he’s here next to me. But who? Who is he?
Breathing begins to feel so difficult to do. It feels as if someone is sitting on my chest and I can’t do anything about it. I feel my consciousness slips away from me, throwing me into the void. Now I’m in the realm of nothing but darkness.
A cough coming out of my throat wakes me up from my sleep. The bright light from above me makes me squint my eyes. Now my vision is finally clear. The first thing I do after that is looking around the room. Based from the look of my surroundings, I might be in a hospital. Am I really in a hospital?
Something around my wrists and ankles stop me from moving. The neck brace around my neck makes it hard for me to look down at my body. I carefully shift my body a little and find restraints around my limbs. What’s going on here? Why am I being restrained?
I take a look around the room and see someone’s head laid next to me on the bed railing. It’s hard for me to tell who the man because of how he’s sleeping, which is with his face on his arms on the bed. Who is this actually?
I cough again but the itching is still there, bothering me physically from the inside. Fuck this itchy throat. It’s annoying. I guess water will help with it. I need water. I want to drink. Let’s try to get myself up and get some water for myself.
The awful pain in my neck makes me stop moving around. I can’t really move since the restraints also prevent me from getting up. Other than that, my body is too weak to use. Damn it. How could I get myself a glass of water when I’m tied up like this? Should I wake up the man next to me? Who is he anyway? I don’t remember having any male friend or boyfriend. I don’t think this is also my father and uncle from the look of his hair.
I decide to wake up the man, whoever he is. I move my hand and reach for his head. His sudden movement becomes the cause of my mini heart attack. The monitor beeping goes crazy as my heart beats rapidly.
The man stares at me with a wild look. He looks terrible to say the least with how messy his hair is and the prominent dark circles under his eyes. What actually happened? Who is he?
“You’re awake,” the man says. I can only blink at him in response. My gaze stays on his tired-looking face. Talking seems to be a difficult task for me at the moment considering how dry and itchy my throat is. My head also feels so woozy. I can’t think much. I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I’m here with this man.
“What happened- Oh. You’re awake.”
I shift my gaze away from the man next to me and find an older man in white coat walking towards me. He’s not approaching me alone, there’s also a woman following suit behind him. I begin to feel wary as I stare at the people surrounding me. The bed moves under me and now I’m in a seating position, still nervous around the supposed doctor and nurse.
“Good evening. Can you hear me?” the old man asks. I can only blink tiredly in response as the woman takes off the strap around my right wrist. I still don’t understand why they restrained me. What else would I do when I’m asleep? Sleepwalking? I don’t think so. I’ve never sleepwalked.
“Alright. I’m Angelo, one of your doctors. Can you speak now?” the man asks. I’m right. He’s a doctor so that means the woman is a nurse. I’m still not really sure though. For all I know they might be a fake doctor and nurse. That would explain the restraints. I’m just going to do whatever they tell me to do now. I’m not risking my safety by fighting them.
My mouth is open but nothing comes out of it. Where the hell is my voice?
I clear my throat and feel something in the back of my throat that somehow connects to my nose. What is it?
“Yes,” I say hoarsely. I place my right hand over my stomach after it’s released from the restraint, frowning at how stiff it is.
Doctor Angelo nods in acknowledgement as he scribbles on the paper over his chest board. He then brings his attention back to me, eyes looking straight into mine.
“Good. I’m going to ask you a few questions now. Do you remember your name?” Doctor Angelo asks. My name? Who’s my name? Oh. Right. I remember.
“I’m Allura Bianca Marino,” I answer.
“Do you know where you are now?” Doctor Angelo asks. I take a look around the pale blue room. There’s a three-seater sofa and monitor on my right, a window to my left, and a TV screen mounted onto the wall in front of me. I then look down on my right hand. The back of it is covered with a bandage with what I think is the IV catheter underneath. It’s connected to the bag of clear liquid above me. There’s also a clip on my index finger connected to the quietly beeping monitor.
Uh, I’m not sure if it’s the correct answer but from the look of it, I guess I’m in a hospital room. The scent of strong disinfectant also gives me the same impression. I’m definitely in a hospital room and I’m sitting in a hospital bed now.
“A hospital?” I say.
“Yes. You’re correct. You are indeed in a hospital. Do you remember how you get here? Anything that happened before you got here?” Doctor Angelo asks.
I dive into my mind, searching for any memory regarding my past event that might be the cause of my current situation. However, I remember none of it. Not even a single, little clue. What happened? How did I get here?
“Okay,” Doctor Angelo says. He writes down something on his chest board and then turns away from me.
“Alessandro. Come here,” Doctor Angelo says. I stare at the back of his head in confusion. He then turns around and now the man from earlier is standing next to him. A smile already on his face as he stares at me.
“Do you remember this man?” Doctor Angelo asks. I avert my gaze to the man. I silently observe his looks, trying to connect it with his name.
Alessandro? His name does sound familiar. However, I don’t remember who he is exactly. I don’t remember anything we’ve done together. Is he my boyfriend? Is he my friend? I’m not sure.
“No,” I answer. The smile on Alessandro’s face falters, but he keeps his gaze on mine. There’s a hopeful and affectionate gleam in his eyes that I’ve never seen from anyone I know before. Not even from my parents.
Who is this man? I seriously can’t remember anything about him.
“This is Alessandro. Your cousin,” Doctor Angelo introduces. I can only furrow my eyebrows after hearing his words.
My cousin? He’s my cousin? I don’t remember having any male cousins. The only cousin I know is Uncle Ryan’s daughter, Lisa. Alessandro looks foreign. My mother is a foreigner but she has told me that she’s an only child so there’s no way Alessandro is my cousin.
“I don’t know him,” I say. The hopeful glint in Alessandro’s gaze disappears, replaced with a look of disappointment and sadness. I frown apologetically at him. My gaze is back on Doctor Angelo again. He looks up from his chest board with a frown.
“Allura, what you’re experiencing right now is an amnesia. A retrograde amnesia. You don’t remember memories from your recent past because of the brain injury you’ve suffered from your accident. Don’t worry about it. Your memory will come back to you sooner or later,” Doctor Angelo explains.
Amnesia? Damn. How bad was the accident? I guess I can say it was pretty bad considering I just woke up from a coma now.
“What happened? How did I end up here?” I ask.
“You were in a car accident. Alessandro will tell you more about it tomorrow, okay? For now you need to back to sleep. It’s still nighttime,” Doctor Angelo says.
A ca accident? How could I get into a car accident? Did something happen while I was driving? Wait a second. I don’t think I’m in my home country anymore. It’s rare to have a foreigner as a nurse and doctor in my country. They don’t even speak my native language. So, if I’m abroad, that means I wasn’t the one who drove the car. There must be at least one person in the car with me, driving the car for me.
“Okay,” I say. I need answers now so I won’t wait until tomorrow. There’s no way I can wait until then. I need to know everything now.
“I know this might be confusing for you right now but you’ll be okay. You’re safe here. Now go back to sleep. I’ll run some tests on you tomorrow,” Doctor Angelo says. I will definitely go back to sleep, but only after I have my answers from Alessandro.
“Okay,” I say. My nose feels itchy. I rub it and then frown when I feel something coming out of my nose and tucked behind my ear. What is this?
“That’s your feeding tube. You can’t eat when you’re in a coma so you get all the nutrients you need through that,” Doctor Angelo explains with a little smile. I frown at his explanation. It now makes me hyper aware to the presence of it inside of me. Ugh, so fucking weird.
“It’s uncomfortable. Can I take it off now?” I ask. A sad smile appears on Doctor Angelo’s face.
“You can’t take it off now, unfortunately. You still need it,” Doctor Angelo says. Aw, that sucks. It’s tickling my nose now in a strange way. I have the urge to sneeze it out but I can’t. The way it’s dangling behind my throat also unsettles me. It’s so fucking uncomfortable.
“Oh. Okay,” I say with a frown.
“We’ll remove it after you can eat on your own through your mouth. I’m sure it won’t take long for you, maybe a few days or a week at most,” Doctor Angelo says. Yikes. It’s still a long way to go. I want it gone now but that’s impossible. Let’s just hope I’ll grow accustomed to it by tomorrow.
“Okay. I understand,” I say. Doctor Angelo smiles at my response.
“Good. We’ll leave you with your cousin now or do you perhaps prefer him to stay outside?” Doctor Angelo asks. My gaze shifts to Alessandro. He stares at me with an obvious hopeful look on his face.
Should I let this cousin of mine stay in the room with me? I guess I’ll let him stay. I’m still not sure if he’s my actual cousin but whatever. What could possibly go wrong? What would he do to me anyway? Kill me? I’m not afraid of death. I don’t mind myself being unalived as long as it’s a quick death. He can kill me if he wants.
“It’s okay. He can stay,” I respond.
“Alright. I need to talk with Alessandro first outside, okay? He’ll come back here in a few minutes,” Doctor Angelo says.
What are they going to talk about? Their plan for killing me? The killing methods? Whatever. I’m not going to think more about it. If I die, then I’m dead.
“Okay,” I respond.
“Good night, Allura. Have a good sleep,” Doctor Angelo says. The nurse follows him out of the room, but Alessandro stays behind.
“I’ll be back,” Alessandro says with a soft smile. I stay quiet, not responding to his words. He awkwardly walks away from me, finally leaving me on my own.
Now what should I do before I die? Let’s try to remember about Alessandro and set aside my suspicions about him. He does look genuinely cares about me. He’s probably my actual cousin. I still don’t understand which side of my family he’s related to. My mother doesn’t have any siblings and my father also doesn’t have any foreign in-laws. So, who is Alessandro actually is? Gosh. This is so confusing.
My gaze snaps towards the door. Alessandro is there, closing the door quietly. I keep my eyes on him as he approaches me and finally sits on the chair next to the bed.
“How are you feeling now?” Alessandro asks. Unsure of my answer, I shrug at him. What should I tell him? I honestly don’t know how I’m feeling right now.
“I guess I’ll do a little introduction to you now. You know, to remind you of who I am. I hope I’ll make you remember everything quicker,” Alessandro says.
“Alright,” I respond.
Let’s hear what he has to say. I’m actually curious. How are we cousins? This is one of the strangest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
“It’s complicated so I’ll skip to the important part. We met two weeks ago. You came here to Italy and-“
“Wait wait wait. What did you just say? Italy? Am I really in Italy right now?” I ask. My eyes wide in disbelief. Alessandro smiles at me.
“Yes. You’re in Italy now. You probably still won’t believe this but we are cousins. Your mother is my mother’s sister. What your mother told you about being an only child is a lie. She has a brother and a sister but she decided to leave the country and cut ties with us.
“You’ve been living with me and my brother, Alessio, for a week ever since you got here but then you got into an accident eight days ago. The cause of the accident was a sleepy truck driver driving straight into your car in high speed. The truck driver only got mild injuries from the accident so now he’s locked in prison for negligent driving,” Alessandro explains.
Alright. I got into an accident because of a dumb truck driver. I thought I tried to kill myself or something. Who was with me in the car though? There’s no way I was driving on my own in a country I just lived in for a week. I also don’t think I know Italy well enough to be allowed to drive on my own.
“Who was with me in the car? I’m sure I wasn’t alone when I was in the car,” I say. Alessandro gives me a tired smile. There’s a glimpse of nervousness in his eyes.
Is he hiding something? What is it?
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay? For now you need to go to sleep,” Alessandro says. I weakly cross my arms, my eyes glaring straight into his.
I’m not going to go to sleep now before knowing the truth. I can’t do it until he tells me about it. I need to know who was with me in the car.
“I want to know now,” I demand. Alessandro’s smile sinks, but I continue to glare at him.
“Allura, I-“ Alessandro stops himself. He shifts his gaze away from me. I can see him battling with his own mind as he stares at the blanket over me.
What is he worried about? Me knowing the truth? What is he hiding from me? He does know that I’ll find out the truth anyway, right? So why not say it now?
“Why won’t you tell me about it? You’re being suspicious now,” I say. Alessandro’s face suddenly drops with grief. He stares at his lap with visible sadness as his head hangs low. Not a single word comes out of him as he continues his grieving.
Why is he suddenly looking sad? Why won’t he say anything? What’s wrong?
“Why are you silent now? Just tell me about it. At least tell me if they’re fine,” I say. Alessandro sighs and then brings his gaze back to mine. His eyes are gleaming with tears as he stares at me.
“There were three other men in the car with you. Two of them haven’t woken up yet. The other one is fine now. He just got discharged today and is resting at home,” Alessandro explains.
So, I was alone in a car with three men. Why? That’s odd. Why is Alessandro not being straightforward now? Why can’t he just tell me who exactly are the men?
“Who are they?” I ask. Alessandro shakes his head as he rubs his teary eyes, his gaze avoiding mine again.
“I- I’m sorry. I can’t tell you about it now,” Alessandro says.
Talking about this makes him sad. Someone who was in the car with me must be important to him. I know he’s not the type of person who cried over anything.
“Why? You’re crying now so it has to be someone important. Why won’t you just say it now? Because it’s going to upset me as well? Just say it. Keeping the information away from me will only make me go mad,” I say. Alessandro stays quiet, his eyes are fixed on his lap again. Waiting for him to say something only makes my impatience grow stronger. He then looks at me. His sadness has been replaced with nervousness.
“One of them was the driver, one of them was your bodyguard, Sebastiano, and one of them is …” Alessandro’s voice wavers as his gaze falls on his lap again.
Who? Why is he stopping now? This man must be someone important to him. Maybe his friend? I’m not sure.
“Who? Who is he? Tell me,” I demand. Alessandro silently stares at his lap. I close my mouth again as he brings his eyes back to me.
“Luciano. It’s Luciano. Your boyfriend,” Alessandro says.
Luciano? Boyfriend? When the hell did I get a boyfriend? That doesn’t sound like me at all. I rarely talk with boys and men for most of my life. Hearing someone telling me I have a boyfriend feels like a lie.
“Boyfriend?” I say. Alessandro gives me a grim nod.
“Yes. Your boyfriend is also my friend,” Alessandro says. He hurriedly pulls out his phone and searches for something on it.
“Here’s a picture of him,” Alessandro says. He holds the phone in front of me. I stare at the picture of a man with black wavy hair and brown eyes.
He’s Luciano? His face does look familiar but I’m still not sure where I’ve seen him before. Is he really my boyfriend? There’s no way he’s my boyfriend. How could someone as attractive as him be my boyfriend? He looks seriously way out of my league. He’s too fucking hot to be my boyfriend. Alessandro has to be messing with me. When did we start dating each other anyway?
Based on Alessandro’s explanation, I’ve only been in Italy for a week before the accident happened. So, how the fuck did I get myself a boyfriend that fast? Yeah, he’s friend with my boyfriend but why the fuck would I be with someone who I just met for a week?
My mind is suddenly flooded with glimpses of my memories. I suddenly remember everything about Luciano. I remember how flirty he is and how caring and protective he is. I can also see the moment when he asked me to be his girlfriend. And then, the accident happened.
Oh no.
