Prologue
“Drink it,” she hisses, staring dead into my eyes before blinking once when hers grow moist. Her mouth parts while she pleads, “Meko. Sweetie, please take a sip.” The tone of her voice is friendly as if she plans to take me out for a treat later—something she’s never done.
It’s dark in the apartment we share, except for the one light hovering over the bed. I swallow hard, nervously twirling my fingers together while my heart hammers as I look at the glass she’s holding. Black shadows flash across my mother’s face when her grip tightens on the cup filled with a sludgy liquid.
The dark brown beverage isn’t appealing at all and my stomach sloshes around at the thought of drinking it. “Mommy,” I cry as my voice hitches, “I don’t want to.”
A brown hand reaches out, slapping me hard across the mouth. The pain causes my body to tense, leaving me frozen in place. My lips spring open in a slight O-shape as shock washes over me. She’s never hit or raised her voice at me. Usually, she pretends I don’t exist and within that, I’ve found some comfort. My face vibrates, stinging as hot tears splash from my eyes until I raise my hand to wipe them away. Trembling, I raise my neck and meet wild, wide eyes. They pulse with rage, fluttering until my throat constricts and my voice leaves me.
“I’m so sorry, Meko, but please. This isn’t a request. I’m telling you to drink it.“ Her voice shakes with unruly sadness as she shoves the glass into my fragile hands.
My mouth dries completely as I stare into her cold, dead walnut-colored eyes. The shining, golden light from pictures of her past has long disappeared, stolen by a man who has never loved her. Will he come for me? He’s only seen me once in the eight years I’ve been alive, but he’s marked my mother and claimed her in a way only shifters can. So he should feel her emotions. They should be festering inside him, itching and burning as if he has an infection. Haru has to know. He has to sense something’s wrong. And maybe, for once, he’ll come and help us. He’ll come for me. Please, Daddy. Please come for me. Seconds tick by as she narrows her eyes on my face, studying me with an intensity I’ve never seen. I’ve been told I look a lot like my mother, espresso-colored skin and all.
“Meko.” Her eyes darken while her voice cracks.
My hands quiver as I lift the cup to my lips while my mother nods, encouraging me to continue. The first taste of the liquid twists my face into a grimace as my stomach rolls. It tastes stale like rancid meat, old chunky milk and rotten apples. Bile slashes in my belly when it hits my gut like a lead pipe.
I lower the glass, shaking my head while my bottom lip flutters. “It’s so nasty.”
My mother vibrates in front of me, shaking her entire body with silent rage as my heart thumps loudly in my chest. Run. But I won’t. I have nowhere else to go and no one wants me. Not even her.
“I’m sorry,” she genuinely says before grabbing the cup from my tiny fingers.
With each step she takes closer to me, I feel the white wall pressing against my back. My mother drops to her knees slowly, placing the glass on the floor in front of me, all without breaking eye contact. I shiver and goosebumps spread all over my skin the longer she stares at me without blinking. With a quivering breath, I wait anxiously as she decides her next plan of action. Out of nowhere, a hand of hers reaches out to grab one of mine.
I kick both feet when she drags me toward her before swinging the only available hand I have with a closed fist. But it doesn’t matter. The strength of an eight-year-old is nothing compared to a woman three times that age.
I struggle against her, whipping my head from side to side. “Mommy, please,” I scream as I lean against her.
She hushes me, trying to silence my wailing as I use my feet to kick against the wall, attempting to break her hard grasp. “It will all be okay. All you need to do is drink this.”
One of her hands holds both of mine, yanking me onto her lap and clutching me to her breasts. I plant my feet, jackhammering my small body, throwing and flinging my legs wide as I try to get away. But her strength is incomparable. My chest tightens to the point I can barely breathe as I gasp loudly, moving my head left and right.
“Stop moving,” she shouts and her shrill voice echoes in the quiet studio apartment we live in.
I freeze for a moment before pulling my head away to look into her unwavering eyes. “Mommy, please.”
Something’s not right. She shushes me again, snaking her arm around my middle and somehow holding both of mine tightly against my chest before grabbing the cup. My mother places it on my lips, but I shoot my head forward, knocking it from her grasp. She yells noisily, making my ears pinch prior to tossing me into the wall. Smacking it hard, my head crashes into the drywall and the sound echoes in the room before I fall backward, landing on the floor with a thud. A symphony of rings bursts in my ears. My eyes blink rapidly while I glance around the room, nearly out of it until a blurry shadow hovers over me.
Her hand lands on my mouth, pushing my lips together until I shout out in pain. With a jolt, I buck my body against the floor. Firm fingers dig into my skin, causing my jaw to ache as they bruise my muscles and leave scars that’ll never fade. The glass is placed against my lips and the liquid is forced down my throat, sliding slowly into my belly. Heaviness sinks into my gut like I’ve swallowed massive boulders. My stomach churns and my throat burns as swirls of darkness begin to enter my vision, clouding over the barely lit room. Daddy, please help me.
Eventually, a soft, musical hum hits my ears, leading me into paradise. The sound is so gentle, causing my eyelids to flutter as a calmness fills my veins. Smooth hands kindly caress my face and I bask in the knowledge of finally being loved as my mother strokes my cheek.
“We’ll be together forever.” Tears roll down her body, dripping onto my forehead as she lazily touches me. She lowers her face to mine until we’re inches apart and then places a light but powerful kiss on my dome. “I love you, Meko.”
By some means, I pull my expression in a soft smile when I hear those words for the first time. Love. Finally, someone cares for me. My heart hammers as my eyelids snap shut and darkness nearly takes me. Someone lifts my body and throws me into the air. And maybe I float there forever, dancing in the wind like a loose dandelion until a breeze passes over me and my eyes flutter. The smell of putrid flesh startles my system, awakening me completely. As I struggle to open my heavy eyes, I feel a persistent itch and rub it with my fists. Gradually, my surroundings come into focus and I note a different location. Wrapped around my mother’s body like a shield, the two of us stand near the only dam in the city. A prickle of fear pushes through me as I watch the roaring waters splash against the tall concrete walls. Over and over again, they hammer the gray stone, hitting them with such viciousness. Daddy, help us.
The wind whips around us, spreading a mist of water everywhere. Gathering my strength and preparing to fight, I lift my head and succeed only in moving it an inch, but that sends my vision on a roller coaster. My eyes zone in and out of focus as an anchor takes over me, causing my head to feel as if it weighs thousands of pounds. As I lie my noggin back on her shoulder, my lips tremble in the cold air. My mother’s grip on me tightens as she hovers in front of the railing surrounding the slanted side of the dam. She bounces up and down on her feet for a moment as if she’s unsure of what to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her expression filled with despair. Her eyes scale the rough waters, landing in the middle where a vortex grows.
My mother looks down and sees my eyes open, causing her lips to curl up into a small smile. “You shouldn’t be awake. Go to sleep, Meko,” she hums in a sweet, melodious voice.
It’s like I’ve been waiting to hear it’s okay, because sleep flares in my brain, hardening the weight of my limbs as my eyelids twitch. From my position on her shoulder, a twinkle of black appears and my eyes latch onto it as it forms in the air. Charcoal-colored smoke twirls behind her until it forms a person with big, sad, walnut-brown eyes.
The woman looks similar to my mother, same colored skin and all, except her long oiled locs are gray and not black. She stands there, clutching her black dress with wide eyes. “Don’t go to sleep, Meko,” she pleads as her voice shifts into a soft cry. “You must stay awake. Mercedez is unwell.” Her gray locs fly in the wind, spiraling around her form as she stares at us in horror.
There’s nothing scary about the woman, so a burst of comfort from her presence floods my system, sending a light smile to my sleepy face. My mother moves side to side with me against her body, whispering sweet words as she lulls me into false safety. Through a crack in my drooping eyelids, I watch her pace back and forth until she climbs on top of the railing. My eyes cascade the rest of the way down as the woman behind us begins to cry.
A hand is placed securely around the back of my neck. “It’s the only way, so relax. It will all be over soon.” The calming tone of my mother’s voice sends me further into sleepiness.
Then she jumps and we fly through the night air with the freezing wind whipping around us until we splash, thrown into a reckless currant. The water slams, crashing around us and I gasp, unable to move as we’re carried, spinning and twirling in coldness. My teeth clatter together as ice fills my veins, racing to my heart. A hard wave of water smacks us, sending me soaring out of my mother’s arms and into the depths of death.
The grim reaper clings to my soul, beckoning my spirit closer as another explosion of liquid engulfs me. My mother swims toward me as I sink while the water beats down my back. Unable to move, my lungs scream and beg for air. I watch as the roaring current pushes her body away from mine. Ice welcomes me, pulling me down lower until my lungs tighten and fill with water. Breathing escapes me no matter how hard I try. My entire body grows numb as a wave splashes over my head before my eyes shut tight.
***
Warmth surrounds me, cradling me against its soft embrace. A fast beep sounds, popping my ears as my eyelids clench together tightly. Something velvety and hot runs across my face, brushing me lightly.
I blink once before my eyelids jerk and then open. Immediately, I spy an older, unfamiliar woman above me. Her jaw unhinges when our eyes meet, causing a terrified expression to flare in her features before it disappears into a neutral one. Her monolid eyes rake over me, scanning my body after a curt smile takes over her face.
Her black hair with small hints of gray is pulled behind her head into a high bun. She stands up straight, gulping sharply as she pulls the lapels of her suit jacket close together before dropping her hands. Wrinkles scale her face, but not enough to convey someone too much older. “Hi.” Her shaking voice is the only alert of her fear. “You don’t know me, but I’m your grandmother, Juniper Shi. I’m your father’s mother and I never knew about you until a few days ago. You can call me grandma or whatever you want…” she trails off quietly as if she’s giving me time to consider my options. Juniper begins to pace the room prior to viewing me with a grim expression. She opens and shuts her mouth repeatedly before lifting a hand to run over her face.
A tiny grin forms on my lips until pitch-black smoke appears out of the corner of my eyes. Spinning my head away from my newfound relative, I glance to the opposite side of my hospital bed. With curious eyes, I watch as the smoke morphs and pulls, turning into a face I recognize. Those same eyes widen in fear as my breath comes out in a harsh wheeze. Inflammation starts in my lungs as my airways close when my body shuts down.
“Meko,” my mother calls to me the moment her body finishes appearing. “I couldn’t find you at first.” Her tone is one of worry, something I’ve never heard from her. She smiles, looking exactly like I left her. Her brown locs float behind her as she wraps her arms around her midsection, bunching her baby-blue blouse.
My heart skitters to a halt before seizing and jolting rapidly as I stare at my mother surrounded by dark smoke. She walks to me as Juniper awkwardly stands there, muttering misunderstood words. The moment my mother reaches forward, inches away from petting my skin, I holler at the top of my lungs. Wailing uncontrollably, I push away from her and catapult myself off the bed into my grandma’s arms as my mother looks crestfallen.
“Hey,” Juniper coos, rubbing my back in her attempt to calm me while attempting to catch my gaze. But I snuggle deeper into my grandma’s arms to avoid my mother’s face. “Ayameko, what’s wrong?” my grandma wonders aloud.
“She’s here,” I cry, snapping my eyelids shut and locking my body around Juniper. My arms and legs bend together as I envelop her like an anaconda, unwilling to let go. “You’re my grandma, right? Don’t let my mom get me. She’s right there, trying to get me,” I shout with a bark in my voice. My mother will have to pry me from my grandma after killing me. I won’t ever let go.
“Ayameko, you’re frightening me,” Juniper’s voice increases an octave as I cuddle against her. Silence passes and I feel her shoulders tense as she clears her throat. “I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your mother didn’t survive.” She hugs me tightly, pressing me harder against her powerful body. The rigid muscles of her arms embrace my tiny frame, swaddling me in sanctuary.
“Meko,” my mother cries, her voice much closer than before. “Come to me. You’ve always wanted my attention and now you have it. Don’t you want to be with me forever?”
“No,” I scream as my eyes snap open, widening as I dig my claws into my grandma’s back. “Kill me because I’ll never go with you.”
Juniper hisses as I scratch her, locking my nails into her skin. “Ayameko, talk to me? What’s happening?” My grandma yanks me away from her chest to glance into my eyes.
With a trembling hand, I grab the front of my grandma’s shirt with my fingers and look behind me. Gritting my teeth, I throw my head from side to side as I yell, “I’ll never go with you.” My heart hammers nearly out of my chest when my eyes find the distraught ones of my mother. “No,” I cry as tears fill my eyes before rolling down my cheeks. “I hate you,” I bellow as my neck swings and I snuggle deep into my grandma’s chest, hoping that with those words my mother will leave me. She’s done it before. Left me inside the house by myself for days on end. This should be nothing for her.
My grandma clears her throat as her body stiffens like she’s made of stone. “Ayameko, there’s nothing there,” Juniper says prior to gasping sharply. A full-body shudder works its way through her, shaking me to my core as she pries me away from her once more. With concerned eyes, she gazes hard at my frame before looking at the area where my mother last was. “You’re a necromancer, aren’t you?” The disappointment in her voice is like a bolt to my spine as she tilts her head, asking a question I wouldn’t understand until years later.
