Resisted Bonds

Mya

Walking out of my last final, I felt like a free woman. The stress of the last three years was a heavyweight, if you could see it physically manifest, I’d be shaped like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

“Mya!” a shrill shriek rang through the courtyard. Katie, my best friend and adopted sister, ran towards me, her body barreling into mine. Her mother glided behind her, forever a regal woman, with a proud smile on her face.

“Congratulations Mya, I’m so proud of you.” She hugged Katie and I, and the lightness I felt increased. A throat clearing and chuckle sounded behind them. They relinquished and Katie kept her arms on my shoulder, leaning in, I could feel the excitement bouncing off her. My boyfriend, Archie, stood behind them, flowers in hand, with a cheap suit, and a loose tie around his neck.

“I came from the office to give you these. I just wanted to congratulate you on your finish.” he said with a proud smile on his face. He gave me a hug awkwardly around Katie who wouldn’t let go. He gave me a peck on the lips as the awkward energy radiated from Katie and her mother. “I’m gonna head back now. I’m knee deep in an appeal for a guy on death row and his appeal date is coming soon. I heard you guys have a lunch. By the way, I talked to my boss and he’s really excited you’re coming to join us. Gotta dash!” He turned on his heel and practically jogged away.

“Join them?” My surrogate mother raised an eyebrow. “You have a job.” Rebecca was my mother now. After the death of my parents, Rebecca and her mate, Past-Beta Max took me in.

My parents were close with them, my father the Gamma of the pack. My parents passed away within a week of each other when I was 14. My father was severely injured in battle and my mother wasted away refusing to detach herself from her dead mate. She stayed there for days, starving herself. I slept by her side until eventually I woke up, to find her dead by his side.

I had an inheritance and could have survived on my own. But Rebecca and Past-Beta Max were insistent I didn’t just need to survive, but I needed a family. They refused to let stay in home alone and moved me into their own. Eventually I built enough walls around my emotions about their death to move forward. I was happy with my family as it stood, but I knew I had to find purpose elsewhere. I was always top of my class, and although my grades slipped when my parents died. When I found how to move forward, they quickly skyrocketed.

I loved how Rebecca’s work, she was the pack lawyer, it seemed all consuming at times. How powerful she was. The pack had many strong leaders, but without her expertise there was rarely anything they could do without her approval. I loved how that required her to move to the human world when she was young. As a kid I clung for that opportunity, an opportunity to remove myself from the suffocating nature of the pack and the memories that I was constantly reminded of. I skipped a grade and left to the human world for undergrad as soon as possible. Katie was upset, but I found peace in the new experience.

I hadn’t told Rebecca yet about my feelings, or my boyfriend, or how I planned to stay in the human world after graduating from law school. Rebecca assumed that I would always come back and work underneath her and on her team. At first, that was the plan, it was only supposed to be a break. But then I met Jack, he was adorable in a golden retriever type of way. He was innocent from the pack nature and optimistic. He was a year ahead of me in law school and became a lawyer with the Exoneration Team, a nonprofit dedicated to exonerating death row criminals who claim to be innocent of their crimes. I loved him for what he offered me, peace and innocence, and removal from the world I was born into. He had no idea who I was, where my parents were, he had no idea about me, and I loved that. I loved him. I would stay and study for the bar while volunteering with the Exoneration Team, and from there I would figure out what I wanted to do with my degree.

I snapped out of my thoughts to the present. I registered the anger and frustration on Rebecca’s face. “Mom, you promised to wait till lunch.” Katie protested.

“Wait for what?” I responded.

“You have to return to the pack,” Rebecca stated. “You’re not my child, but you are. And I cannot see you removing yourself from your pack.”

“I –” I started.

“No,” Rebecca held up her hand. “I will not force you to come back. But I cannot stand aside while you do this. People who leave our world for the human world, are husks of them themselves. I will not watch while you do this willingly. You have a position, and you will return.”

“Mom –” Katie cut in.

“I’m sorry, Rebecca. But I’m not coming back, I can’t. It’s not my life.” I stammered. I hadn’t intended to be cold, but I repressed my fighting emotions and my next sentence turned to ice. “I haven’t been back in six years, not even for a visit. I don’t see why you thought I was coming back,” I whispered.

Rebecca looked like I slapped her. “I’m sorry. When Katie mentioned – I thought this was an idea. But I see your serious.” She matched my cold demeaner even ass her eyes became glassy with tears. She turned on her heels and to the parking lot.

***

I hated hurting Rebecca, but she wouldn’t understand. After my parents died, every inch of pack territory suddenly became a reminder of them. I could not spend my lie suffocating underneath the thoughts of what my life could have been. I wanted out, I needed out. And it had nothing to do with how happy my adopted parents had made me. No matter what they tried, they could never make me happy enough to fill the gaping hole in my life that my parents left.

Katie had stayed in the human realm to shadow some doctor here. Our physiology was vastly different than a human form, but our anatomy largely the same. Each time she returned from a lecture or meeting, she attempted to reason with me.

She often came up with many theories as to why I did not want to return. But nothing quite hit the head. So her reasoning had little to no effect on me.

The morning of the graduation came, and I prepared myself for another solo life experience. Katie had let me know she had a lecture she simply could not miss. “You don’t mind right?” she asked as she was on her way out the door early this morning.

“Nope –” I said to the empty doorframe.

But as my name was called and I stepped onto the stage, I heard an enthusiastic howl that startled the rest of the crowd. It sounded so close to them like a wolf was in the middle of the crowd.

Little did they know, there was. I looked up to find Katie, Rebecca, and Past-Beta Max in the crowd. Beta Max continued to Howl enthusiastically, to which Rebecca pretended to be embarrassed even though she, herself, was cheering alongside Katie with thunderous claps. Katie was practically bouncing, and Archie sat awkwardly beside them.

I almost cried. I may feel like I had no family left, but I certainly did.

I ran toward them after the ceremony.

“Did you really think we’d miss your graduation silly?” Katie laughed.

I did. But honestly, I should have expected they would show. Rebecca was my mother for all intents and purposes, even my childish reaction to her after finals would not keep her away from my life milestones.

I struggled with the idea that they would always be there. I loved them. But I never expected them to treat me the same as Katie, or go out of their way.

I felt alone, always, but not in this moment.

I almost forgot about Archie, until he flittered around the outskirts of our group. Max, clapped him on the back of the neck, and pulled him in. “The boyfriend, huh?” he shot a glance at Rebecca. “Becca, you think we can add one to our reservation?” I could tell by the way Archie grimaced, the ‘friendly’ grip on his neck hurt, but he did not want to back down to the challenge.

“Actually, I made reservations for Mya and I tonight. I didn’t realize –”

“– it’s no problem,” Max cut him off. Katie chuckled. “Mya, is having dinner with her family tonight to celebrate her graduation. We don’t mind you tagging along buddy.” Max said as he steered Archie towards the car.

“Are you sure this human boy is worth the trouble Max will give him?” Rebecca whispered over her chuckle.

“I say we bring him back to the pack with us, if that’s what it’ll take for Mya to come home,” Katie declared as she looped her arm through mine.

***

Rebecca and Max had made reservations at one of the nicest restaurants in town. We ordered plate after plate, but largely ate in silence, save the awkward conversation my adopted parents fumbled through. Asking questions about my relationship with Archie and asking Archie what he planned to do with himself.

Archie continued to act like he wasn’t vastly uncomfortable. He even texted me – "He hates me"

Until finally, we had finished. “Thanks for joining us, Archie, great to meet you.” Max stated with some finality.

“Of course, great to meet you as well.” Archie waived down a waitress for the check, and when it came Max slapped a hand over it.

“Oh no, dinner is on us,” Max said proceeding to stare uncomfortably at Archie, without moving to pay the bill.

“Yes, it really was great to meet you Max,” Rebecca encouraged.

I could tell that Max anticipated Archie leave, but Archie wouldn’t even think to leave me at dinner. I’m sure he even had plans for after. So, the awkward stare down continued. I cleared my throat.

“Hmm, I think there’s been some communication lost. Archie, my m— husband and I, would like to speak to our daughters. Alone.” Rebecca had the most experience with humans at the table, often negotiating with them on behalf of the pack. But even she almost slipped, not used to referring to Max in the human world. The word “husband” trampled awkwardly on her speech.

A lightbulb dawned on Archie, “Oh, I apologize,” he stood, but seemed to remember something. “I truly enjoyed dinner, but I really did have plans set up for Mya and I to celebrate. I hope it’s okay if I steal her for the rest of the night, I would hate to miss them. Mya didn’t tell me that you all would attend today. Otherwise, I would have scheduled for a better time.”

“Yes Archie, I’m sorry she’ll miss them too.” Max said, it was clear that it was final. But Max seemed to have found a determination I had never seen before.

“I’m sorry – but I worked hard on this –” it fell out of his mouth and even my eyes widened. “I have never seen you guys, and Mya barely talks about you. I’m sure you are important to her, because you’re the family Mya has left. But you haven’t been here for years and Mya didn’t even know you’d come. I think Mya would prefer to come with me for the night, I – I have to insist.” He vomited out this speech.

Rebecca, Katie, and I sucked in breath, and Max’s hand flashed to Archie throat. His eyes immediately began to bulge. We were lucy to be in a secluded corner, so barely anyone witnessed the showdown between Archie’s neck and Max’s hand.

“Max –” Rebecca prompted.

“Dad –” Katie echoed.

“DAD –” I called out. I rarely called him father or Dad. I typically called my adopted parents by their name. Only when I truly needed them, their help, their attention, their parenting did I call them by mom/dad, mother/father. And in this moment, I desperately needed Max to snap out of it. And my voice calling him Dad, snapped him to my attention. He immediately released Archie.

I stood, pulling Archie with me.

“Mya – I’m sorry,” Max called after me.

Outside the restaurant Max finally broke. His hands flew to his neck, as if to check that it was still there. “What the fuck Mya. No wonder you don’t talk about them. Is he like that all the time? Did he hit you when you were a kid?”

I slapped him with a crack. “I can’t believe you.”

“Mya –” Archie’s hand flew from his neck to his face an astonished look blossomed across his face.

“You deserved it. How dare you – how dare you disrespect my family like that. They took me in, they raised me. I don’t talk about them – because you’d never understand them, you barely understand me. How could you imply that I don’t love them, that they do nothing for me.” I was livid, shaking.

“Mya, I’m sorry –” Archie whispered, reaching out to me. I stepped away, he disgusted me. “I really worked hard on tonight.”

“Stop. What the hell is going on with tonight? I get it – you didn’t expect them to come, but why are you so insistent?”

His gaze fell, he fumbled into his pocket. “I probably should wait till we can get through this. But I know you, even though you think I don’t. You need to know why I’m insisting, or you will never forgive me.” He pulled out a tiny box, and my heart broke, “I was going to propose.”

I continued to back away but he grabbed my hand, and began to kneel. I snatched him upright, “Stop –”

“What?” he looked like I smacked him.

“I can’t do this – not tonight. I don’t even want to look at you because of what you said. I can’t – can’t give you this moment right now,” my mind was spinning. “I need a break,” I blurted.

“O— okay” he stammered. “I get it. How long of a break? I can call tomorrow when they leave, and we can talk.”

“No, I need a break.” I said forcefully. I had told myself that Archie was enough. Staying in the human world he was the perfectly ordinary version of a man I wanted. He treated me nicely, he was decently cute in a golden retriever sort of way, and until this day we had rarely ever fought. But standing her with him holding a ring box, I suddenly realized that maybe he wasn’t.

“I get it. Don’t pull away from me Mya. We worked hard to get here, for you to accept me, and I understand that you’re scared. That you haven’t had a real family –”

“If you say that one more time, you will hope for Max to choke you again,” I interrupted.

He gulped, “I didn’t mean to imply anything about your family. I understand that I don’t have enough to make that assumption about them. I only meant, that you cut yourself off from connection because of the family you have lost. Take this,” he put the ring in my hand. “I want you to take your time, I want you to know that I’ll wait for you and your answer. I won’t abandon you. You don’t have to guard yourself from me anymore. I want to be your world, if you’ll let me.” He kissed me on my cheek and backed away to leave.

I held the ring in front of me like it burned, walking back into the restaurant.

“I swear to the goddess Max, if you cost me my daughter – I think you should ask Beta Angel for a room at the pack house tonight. I can’t even look at you.” Rebecca was fuming, Max hung his head like a scolded dog.

“Mom –” I whispered.

“Mya,” Rebecca stood immediately. “Max is sorry, that was not how this evening was supposed to go.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt the boy,” Max interjected, earning him a devils look from Rebecca.

“Honey, I know you don’t want to come back. I know that boy is important to you. But we only want to encourage you to come home for a visit – just a visit.”

“Mya, is that a ring? Did he just propose?” Katie interrupted them both, and all eyes shot to the tiny box in my hand.

“I’ll come home. For a visit.” I was still in shock and suddenly home, the pack, felt like exactly what I needed.