Chapter 1
Zephyr
Months. It had been months of misery and ache since Livia died. I barely slept, I barely ate. The only thing that held me alive was my vow to her to help our clan.
And I was failing at that too.
“Your father wants to use our part of the river and lake without paying a tax,” I grumbled to Petra, but it felt like she wasn’t even listening. Her gaze was lowered to her hands in her lap, and her expression seemed as empty as ever.
“Petra?” I shook her shoulder, and she lifted her head to look at me. We’d moved just a few days after Livi’s funeral into the new house, and since then, it felt like I was living with a stranger. I didn’t know what was happening to her anymore. Life was drained out of her eyes.
“Yeah…” she trailed off and shook herself as if to wake herself up. “I don’t know… Let him. It’s not a big deal.”
I flushed in anger and knelt next to her chair. “How is it not a big deal when he keeps demanding us to pay him taxes, wants more slaves, and now even wants our means of fastest trade between the clans? He’s taking full control, while we should’ve been the ones to—”
“He would’ve been five months old by now,” she murmured. A bitter chuckle rumbled through her throat. “Would he have been able to sit by now? Or would he have developed faster because he was a hybrid? I saw his red eyes when I held him.”
My skin prickled and grew icy cold, and I wanted to both hug and yell at her. With Pryce’s death and Livia’s demise, I was barely holding on. But for her to demand he was a hybrid when we both knew he was a full-fledged fox was a cruel joke to me.
She kept lying and trying to deceive. Sometimes, I could see the way her eyes struggled when she talked about our kid and the lies she spewed. She kept pushing me away.
“Red eyed are the sign of the fox clan…” I sighed, struggling to talk about this. It hurt way too much. Mine or not, I loved the boy.
“So?” Her gaze slipped to me, and accusation conquered it. “I am his mother.”
I swallowed.
“Petra…” I balled my fists and wrung my fingers. “I… I know. You don’t have to lie to me anymore.”
Shock crossed her features for a second, but then it shifted into rage. “You know what?”
I hated the way her voice rose. I knew she was about to yell. My ears were still ringing with our last argument.
This was hell.
I hoped Livia was better wherever she was. My chest rumbled with misery. If my conclusions were right, she was probably suffering more than me. So much more. Like always. Damn it.
I sighed and slid a hand up and down her arm. I wanted her to be calm and not torture herself day and night about what happened. I wanted to protect her, but all I could do was be there for her. Theon was fighting on her other side for the same thing.
Watching me, Petra’s eyes let go of the rage and darkened in lust, and she leaned towards me for a kiss. I turned my head to the side and stood up.
She followed. “Zeph… Why?”
The pain in her expression and face was unquestionable. It was all true and honest. I’d grown to recognize lies from truth. At least in her.
I released another frustrated breath. “I’m sorry, Petra. I can’t. I don’t want to lie to myself when—”
She put her hands on my cotton tunic and glided them up to my neck. “Lie to yourself? You chose me not because of the threat to your clan but because you wanted me.”
My muscles clenched together with my stomach and heart, and I wanted to throw up.
I took a deep breath to speak. “There was something. When we met.” Nervousness was pouring in and out of me, and I couldn’t take control of it. “At the beginning. But you know I couldn’t turn a blind eye to Livia…”
Her brows drew together in confusion, and her jaw ticked. “But you did. You told me yourself you didn’t see her as a woman and didn’t know what you’d do when she realized you were mates. Isn’t that true?”
She always shot to kill.
“I did… But I, and Livia for that matter, were too young back then. I thought I could live without the mate bond and the person destined for me. I was rebellious and didn’t want to create a connection that could destroy me if something happened to that person.”
Her tiny scowl turned into a deep frown. “So, you were scared, and that was stopping you from accepting her?” She scoffed and twisted around. She faced me again. “That doesn’t matter, Zeph. We created something that you could never have with her. Not to mention she’s dead already.”
The bitterness on her face was gut-wrenching. I knew they both despised each other, but just thinking that I would never be able to touch Livia again was utter horror to me, and Petra… She was relieved my mate was gone.
What I could’ve had with Liv would’ve been incomparable. Nothing could even light a candle to it. We’d been the closest people to each other for most of our lives, and if I’d let our relationship develop… it would’ve been everything I could ever dream of. Tears gathered in my eyes, and Petra winced when she saw them.
“Zeph…?” she questioned, and the insecurity in her voice made me want to hug her.
As a friend… Nothing more. Especially after she cheated on me with Theon.
A sigh rasped through my throat. Who was I to blame her when I could see the bond between them? It wasn’t as strong as a mate bond, but it was amazing on its own. A realization hit me. Perhaps it was as strong as the bond between mates. Nothing but their love pulled them towards each other. Nothing that would enforce the attraction.
“Let’s take care of the urgent matters first, please…” I put my hands on her upper arms and gave them a gentle squeeze.
Her sadness peeked through her every mimic, and she thinned her lips.
“We need to do something—”
“I love you, Zeph.”
I gaped at her for a second. “What?”
“Please, don’t break up with me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her body trembled. “Let’s give this another shot. For real. Not only for the shifters’ eyes. I want to be with you.”
I took a shocked step back and bit my lip. I didn’t see that coming. I really didn’t. The gap between us had grown so much for the past few months, and she still wanted to be with me? Now? After everything that happened?
I— I couldn’t.
The small sparks of hope in her expression vanished, and misery replaced them. She let out a whimper.
“P—Petra… I’m sorry,” I rasped, and she started cleaning the everflowing rivulets of bitterness on her cheeks.
She shook her head.
“I can’t give you what you want…” I reached for her, and aggravation darkened her eyes at my gesture.
“You did. We were happy for a while. Before it all came crumbling down.” She lifted her arms in the air and let them hit her thighs.
“Did we though?” I squinted and knew I was hitting the nail on the head, but I couldn’t stop myself. I cared about her, but her deceit and constant blurring of the truth was becoming unbearable.
“What do you mean?” she rasped, and I crossed my arms over my chest. Shit, we were reaching a boiling point I couldn’t stop.
“I know about you and Theon.”
