Worst Mate Ever

Just a silly idea I had.

For my eighteenth birthday, my parents gave me an envelope with $2000 and an eviction notice. Can’t say I blame them, as I grew up they had to get me out of trouble more times than I could count. Indecent exposure: after all those beers I needed to pee, how was I supposed to know there were still patients awake when I squatted behind a bush in the hospital park? Vandalism: the history teacher totally deserved having his car filled with water from his garden hose. Well, you get the idea.

After getting kicked out from home I enlisted. That lasted almost a year. I was just demonstrating my juggling skills to the other recruits. So I did it with grenades? The safety pins were still in, it was totally safe. I wasn’t supposed to have live grenades in my locker in the first place? What’s the point of being a soldier if you can’t have any weapons?

So now I was stuck in this dead-end job in a diner. It paid the rent if not much more. Only, today I had this creepy customer who had spent an hour staring at me. Don’t get me wrong, I was used to people staring, I was pretty good looking, many would say that was the only thing good about me. But a whole freaking hour? Finally, he had enough and left. At least he gave me a good tip.

After the diner closed and I had spent an hour cleaning up the place I could finally leave. The manager had left long before me so I had to lock up the place. Walking home in the dark I felt as if someone was watching me, but every time I turned around the street was empty.

As I reached my home and started to pick up my keys I suddenly heard quick steps behind me. I started to turn but felt hands gripping me and a strong-smelling cloth was placed over my mouth.

I awoke sometime later with a blistering headache, for once without even having been out drinking, lying on top of a bed in a strange room, Still wearing my clothes, which was kind of a surprise since I had obviously been kidnapped.

Getting up I surveyed the room. Two windows facing out to a large forest, but I was on the third floor so no getting out that way. A door to an en suite bathroom and a larger door that was, unsurprisingly, locked. A cabinet that was completely empty as was the closet. Obviously, no one lived here before some asshole decided to lock me up in here.

Not that I had any plans on staying. Checking for options, I settled for the rod in the closet. Solid metal and I managed to tear it loose with a few strong pulls. Using the oldest trick in the book I put a few spare pillows under the sheets to make it look like I was still in bed, and then stood behind the door.

I had almost given up when I finally heard someone turn the key and silently open the door. He took a step in looking at the bed when I whacked him as hard as I could in the head. Who’d have guessed; it was the creepy guy from the diner.

”No, please stop, you are my mate!” he called, whatever that meant. Never mind, I gave him a few whacks extra. Should teach him not to kidnap innocent women. Searching him I found no weapons, but he did have a lighter. I quickly tore down the curtains to start a fire. Did I mention that my dad had to get me out of jail for pyromania too?

As the fire caught, I again took position behind the door, and soon enough another goon showed up to get a proper bonk in the head. This one even carried a knife. This was going to be like one of those computer games where you kill monsters to get better and better weapons and kill harder enemies.

Getting out into a long corridor I stumbled along as if had been hurt. Another man showed up. ”Here, let me help”. Nope, I didn’t need help so he got a belly full of steel instead.

Fifteen minutes later I left through the main entrance, an AR-15 slung over my shoulder and a Glock in my belt. Behind me, flames rose from the big house, almost a mansion. Who the hell had those people been anyway?