Fireflies at Midnight

I stared into the distant, cloudy sky and wondered why I never ceased to think about insects, and why they appeared whenever I imagined them. It was as if I could create these beings from my mind’s inner workings. Perhaps they were following me around. I had a habit of carrying pesticide, but I stopped because watching them suffer made me wince, perhaps because deep down, I believed they were my creations. They were tiny, often with strange patterns, and squirming about in a filthy manner. What would others think? No one would want a power such as this, not even me… right?

I tried not to think of any insects, but it was too late. A housefly appeared in my hand. I shooed it away and buzzed in my ear before it escaped into the darkness of my garden.

I couldn’t remember anything about my past no matter how hard I tried. My mind was blank in regards to that. I consulted a doctor, but they said there was nothing wrong with the physical function of my brain.

I completed every task with as little effort as possible. Getting up, going to work, and even talking was a chore. Every evening, I’d sit on the bench in the garden and wait for the unknown pain in my chest to manifest as various useless insects that would bite, chatter near my ears, and even crawl on me.

Maybe I had changed because I couldn’t remember who I was. I pondered about whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Perhaps the memories of the past were too much for me to carry. My heart was already heavy, and I hated lugging my body around everywhere.

My parents continued to yell at me and try to get me to enter the house. At least they didn’t need to hire a security guard while I was around. I paid no heed to their shouting.

I had returned to my parent’s home in Ivory Creek thinking that I would feel safer. But it had gotten worse. There was no such thing as a moment of peace, even if I seemed quiet amongst the tranquil garden. My silence didn’t mean my chest didn’t hurt.

I was there amidst the scent of night jasmine, the cool wind that rocked the garden swing, and the crescent moon, whose soft glow was too far away. But I was not alone. I wanted to keep to myself, yet I felt uncomfortable and a rabble of caterpillars left my palm. My itchy hand left me uneasy, but I was so used to it by now. Anyone with common sense would think that insect infestations follow me around for whatever reasons. But I still believed I created these from scratch. The caterpillar I made soon floated as it covered itself in the cocoon. It only took two minutes for it to become a moth. It landed on my shoulder, and I brushed it away with disgust. I didn’t want to harm them since they were my creations, but some of the insects didn’t look normal at all.

I yawned and stretched my arms while falling into a deep trance. The lights in the house made the upright piano gleam. I hadn’t gone near it because I didn’t want to think of termites and leave it infested.

I wondered what sin I must have committed in my past that led up to this situation. I tried to empty my heavy mind, and let out a gentle sigh as the soft breeze touched my face and relieved it of the summer heat. I was glad to be back home. The weather on the outskirts of Ivory Creek was so cold.

I couldn’t stop yawning. I would go inside and sleep if I knew that I was alone.

I closed my eyes and fell back into a trance. But now, I had trouble keeping my eyes open. The sandman must have gotten to me at last. I struggled to get up, and I knocked on the main door a couple of times.

My mother answered the door, a frown on her face and her eyebrows furled., “Why were you knocking like a madman? There’s a doorbell, you know.”

“My brain isn’t working, okay?” I said.

“Come in.”

I walked inside, slipped my shoes off, and dropped onto the bed. The last sound I heard before falling asleep was that of my mom switching off the lights.

The damned alarm sounded. I didn’t get enough sleep. All my heart desired was to get up, turn the alarm off, and then go back to sleep.

The mosquitoes helped me get up by blasting their annoying noises into my ears. It seems like they had a use after all.

I drove to the KDT commercial nursery after getting ready. I had trouble staying awake. Maybe I should have taken the bus. It didn’t matter now that I had arrived.

I began to fill up the conical flask with the solution prepared last time. It wasn’t a part of my work, but a passion project. But every time I tested the pesticide out, it would kill the plant, or not work at all.

My boss appeared and yelled, “Morning everyone!”

Everyone reciprocated in feeble voices.

“We have a new colleague. Won’t you introduce yourself, Ria?”

Ria had a loud voice as she stated where she had studied.

She was tall for a woman, and had dark skin, black hair with blue-dyed ends and a green ribbon in her hair.

“Hello…” I said.

She turned to me and said, “Merlot?! What are you doing here?”

“I work here. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you,” I said.

“Ah… so you forgot already,” mumbled Ria.

She lowered her stare to the floor.

I nodded and returned to my project. I didn’t have the energy to explain that I had lost my memory. It was 8:30 AM. I was planning on doing so later.

She put on a lab coat.

“Ria, why don’t you sit with Ben?” asked our boss.

“I’d like to sit there, if that’s okay,” she said, pointing at the empty space next to me.

“Hmm, two newbies next to each other? I mean, sure. Why not?” he said.

I shifted my stool to the left to make space and said nothing. She sat down, as her red and black crystal earrings swayed. Were such earrings allowed in the lab? Also, she should’ve worn full trousers. I didn’t want to be held liable if I sprayed chemicals on her legs in an accident.

It was difficult to concentrate on my project like this.

“Merlot?” she asked.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Is red your favorite color?” she said.

“Yes, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it? I dyed my hair red, after all.”

My hair was black in childhood and teenage photos I had seen.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen you wear red before.”

I took in a deep sigh and scratched my neck.

“I went to the store yesterday and tried on a red t-shirt. It’s too bad I looked like a tomato,” I mumbled.

She burst out laughing. Even though it was a bit awkward, her eyes glinted, and I smiled.

“Let’s go. It’s time for soil sampling,” said Ria.

“Yeah.”

I was taking off the lab coat.

“Hey, why do you wear a lab coat over your lab coat?” said Ria.

Ria giggled. Oh, so she was referring to my white shirt underneath my lab coat. Well played. There was a tinge of déjà vu.

We walked to the fields. After drawing a map of the field, we shovel away some of the grass and start taking samples.

It didn’t take long until we took twenty samples.

We walked while I carried the samples in a barrow. I was fighting off the sciarid flies while doing so, and then I no longer felt the urge to brush them away.

Soon it was lunchtime. I washed my hands and went to the cafeteria. I found Ria there, but I sat by myself. Still, she stared at me with piercing eyes that sent a shiver down my spine. She wrote in her notebook too, and then back at me. Needless to say, I didn’t want to be around her anymore. I wasn’t sure, but she looked at me as if I were a chinchilla in an animal testing session for medicine.

I took a few bites of the brick-hard pizza and fell asleep with my head on the table.