This story has potential

"This was an interesting read. I liked the descriptions that you put in here and the time that you took to flesh out character. I was also glad that Pam didn't run off with the other guy in the end (it seems like most stories of this genre would have had that happen for one reason or another). This story definitely has a lot of potential, but I think there are some issues that need to be smoothed out. There is way to much telling in this story. I think that if you use more telling it will draw the reader into the story more. For example, in the first chapter, you talk about Bob and you say, "Bob is this and this and this," basically listing out his attributes. This is exceedingly boring. You could make this so much more affecting if you showed this through his words and actions rather than giving us a list. Maybe instead of doing this, give us a scene in the kitchen or at the breakfast table with her and Bob interacting so that we can see how he treats her, how he talks, how he dresses. Instead of telling us how they have raised Joey, show it to us through the way they interact. Of course, you will need SOME telling, but showing empowers your writing, and you should try to do that as much as possible. It might also help if you made the meeting with the young man more significant by providing specific dialogue and a description of him. He must be a pretty significant person to throw her into conflict so fast. Show us him oozing sex appeal through his actions, words, and bearing. Then maybe try to cement her decision at the end to stay with her husband. Or, if that's not what you're going for, show us her desire to do the right thing but also sneak in that trickle of doubt. If you do this, I think it will vastly improve the story. Besides that, there were also some formatting issues with there being big spaces in between the lines, and the formatting of the dialogue was a bit clunky. If you smooth these out, I would definitely be interested in reading it again. I hope that this helps. This story has a lot of potential, it just needs some tweaks to REALLY make it shine. Great work, and happy writing!"