In Search of a Husband

Filled with fear of the unknown, Josephine steps onto the plane with her brother, the brother that had been her only real family that she’s had for the past couple of years, where they’ve gone through many hardships in that period of their lives. But none more so than Josephine, who was currently escaping an abusive relationship, from a controlling narcissist who kept her isolated from everyone who he deemed a threat even her own brother, he wanted her completely alone to ensure that she could never leave him. But he had underestimated her own determination in her desires to escape his clutches, rather than stay and live under his rules and restrictions, where he regulated her every move. From how she dressed to when she could speak, from what she could eat to not being allowed to walk upright in his presence as he was her master and she his slave. He isolated her, then used her to work and make him money to finance his own business, which he would never have been able to secure without her hard work and connections, all the while he would punish her for his perceived infractions to his rules. He not only physically abused her, but he mentally, emotionally and sexually abused her on a daily basis, causing her to feel so lost that she eventually gave in to his demands. After she had endured everything she did in her life, she couldn’t understand how she would be made to suffer a man like that, she didn’t even consider him a man, to her he was a monster.

The tragic life that Josephine survived from birth was filled with horrors that no one should ever endure, from her own mother abandoning her as an infant, the unwanted child was forced to endure the most devastating, deplorable of circumstances. Her own mother would leave her and her brothers for hours alone, to go out and escape her own responsibilities as she never wanted that type of life. She dreamed of bigger and better, so she would go in search for it without anyone to care for her children, taking for granted that she lived in her husband’s family’s home, where it always had multiple families who resided within. That gave the most depraved mind of all that lived under that roof, access and excuses to inflict his disgusting actions upon the innocent infant girl. Their mother had abandoned them for good after witnessing the old man touching her baby daughter inappropriately, when she tried to address the situation with her husband, it led to a huge fight with her feeling resentment towards him for having her in that house to begin with. She was more concerned for herself and her own well being so she decided to divorce him, knowing her daughter was being molested and sexually abused by the old man, she left the children to fend for themselves as she walked out of their lives and left her little girl behind.

Growing up feeling unloved and neglected, the poor child craving the attention and love from those around her, would reach out to anyone that would show her the littlest bit of kindness, enabling the crimes to continue to be perpetrated upon her little body. She and her two older brothers were neglected by all those that lived within the house, they only received the care needed to ensure that they didn’t die, asthe other family members all felt it wasn’t their responsibility to care for them. Their own father was absent during the days for work, but whenever he was home he indulged in drinking himself into a stupor, being heartbroken and depressed after his wife left him. He hadn’t the frame of mind to care for his children, other than to be a financial provider for them, he knew nothing about raising children by himself, so he depended on his family to do the job for him. When it became clear that no one was enabling his way of life, he would try to find a replacement for their mother by dating women, who he would eventually depend on for help, however when it became apparent that it wouldn’t work out with one woman he would move on to the next. That behavior would force him into leaving his family home to gain the privacy he needed for his escapades, but it also exposed his sons to behavior that would confuse and effect them in different ways.

Josephine was accustomed to the sexual abuse she faced since infancy, so when she was faced with a new perpetrator, she didn’t handle it the way a normal child would, she kept the secret of her oldest brother’s rape of her, in fear of the violent repercussions she thought her father was sure to inflict. Not having a maternal figure to teach her what she should and shouldn’t allow, her sense of morality and love would be forever skewed, as all of her abuses were inflicted along with words of love, while she herself only ever desired to be loved and nurtured. When a woman was finally introduced into their lives as a caregiver, certain things changed for them, having someone to care for their needs and keep an eye on them, had put a hault in her oldest brothers assault upon her if only for a short time, eventually she too would leave them. Their father would uproot them from where they grew up and move them far away, this allowed her brother to persue in his actions of trying to get her to comply to give herself to him, without the presence of prying eyes. That same woman would eventually come back into their lives and become a permanent mother figure for them, teaching them what a normal family life was supposed to be. She influenced Josephine greatly, who would try to refuse all her oldest brother advances, but he always found ways around her refusal often resulting in threats and emotional blackmail, as he would eventually forcibly take her and sexually assault her while she was most vulnerable. Her abuses went on for many years unnoticed by many, whom chose to turn a blind eye at what was right under their noses, but eventually her other brother would stand up and put an end to their older brother’s attacks.

Josephine made it through her incestuous abuses shattered in more ways than one, not only was her body torn, but her mind and soul as well were ripped apart into many pieces, forming unique personality traits which started to show up in her. Deep within her mind lived many alter personalities which would show up throughout her life, causing dramatic changes inward and external as well, as she often dressed and behaved differently according to the circumstances. As usual she was ignored by the people surrounding her, which only encouraged these personalities to show up, but they were the only source of protection and comfort the girl had for many of her younger years. Once she hit puberty, her curiosity as to why the physical acts that were inflicted upon her brought such pleasure to the perpetrators, she went in search of answers and her own experiences. She would be mostly learn what she could through school, sex ed was her first introduction to what others considered normal sexual interactions with others, even though they preached abstinence, the teacher had sense enough to address the concerns and questions of the others in class. What she learned during these classes had nothing to do with the physical activities, but the socially excepted norms of what children were supposed to encounter in their maturation.

When she went in search of someone to experience new, normal experiences that others her age had already experienced, she had yet to have her first kiss when she decided to try and find a boyfriend. She didn’t just want to find someone who liked her to have sex with, she already faced that aspect in her life, she wanted someone that would make her feel something special, she wanted the butterflies in her stomach and the zing in her heart. What she met up with though wasn’t something she wanted or desired , her attempts at a normal relationship was short lived, because her life had suddenly turned upside down when one of her alters would betray her confidence. Her family then was ripped apart by the authorities who hunted them down, her father was the first to go, then her brothers fled from the possibility of being caught, leaving her behind with her stepmother and sister. She was going to be placed into the system by her stepmother, but her brother appeared before that happened and convinced her to runaway with him, her oldest brother was with them too along with their cousin, they had formed a little crew that looked out for each other. They all experienced hardships, homelessness, hunger, instability and insecurity in their time together, but Josephine had to also submit to advances from people who took advantage of their situation. Eventually the crew broke up, her oldest brother would be turned into the authorities by their uncle and everyone else would be split apart and struggled to survive on their own.

Josephine would often be separated from her brother who was the only person she loved as he was her only family left, feeling like she owed him her life as he had rescued her twice in life already. This would cause him to be her greatest weakness, as people often used their closeness to threaten harm to him, forcing her into situations that would traumatize her and kept her submitted to them. She also faced many more people who were sexually depraved, as she found herself becoming a magnet to those sordid types, who would use and abuse her for their own desires. Never once having a normal, positive, healthy, loving relationship, she found herself in the clutches of the monster out of need and desperation, which he used to entrap her into a nightmare of the worst relationship she would ever have. Sshe was stronger than anyone she ever knew, so she would get herself out of that horrible situation, but it came at such great a cost, she didn’t know if she was going to be capable of paying the price.

Anxiety built up inside her to the point where tears threatened to spill from her eyes, seeing her like that her brother ordered 2 drinks from the stewardess, who mistakenly took them for a married couple. While she didn’t normally drink, Josephine made the exception and downed her drink in a few gulps, asking for another her brother gave her his and then ordered another round. By the time they stepped of the plane, Josephine was properly buzzed, she had finally felt her body relax enough for her to breathe without forcing herself to do so, she walked with a slight wobble not knowing if it was from the alcohol or the nerves. While she waited for her luggage that was boxed up instead of put into suitcases, as that monster wouldn’t even give her back her own money to buy proper luggage stating it was a waste of money, money that he claimed he needed to purchase inventory for his business that was totally financed by her. She felt a sudden rush of relief upon realizing that she would never have to put up with him ever again, that chapter of her life could finally be closed for good, she knew she would never get the thousands of dollars she invested into his business anyway as she was just his work mule.

Her brother helped her load the boxes onto a cart while he waited for his own suitcase to appear, after they both collected their luggage they walked outside to the arrival terminal, where her brother would buy some duty free alcohol and cigarettes as gifts. Josephine felt bad watching him purchase the items, as she didn’t think about buying any gifts for anyone, even though she raided the dollar store for supplies she knew the family wouldn’t provide, she didn’t want to spend the extra money on unnecessary purchases. She wanted to make sure she had enough money to last her a while, or until she could get a job and start to build back her savings, since she did fork out the extra cash for her brother’s ticket, which was more than expected as they flew buisness class because it was all that was available last minute. She turned to him while they stood waiting for their father to come pick them up, mentioning to him that he somehow had the money for his unnecessary purchases but he didn’t have the money for the plane ticket, he simply stated that she had no idea how necessary the purchase was.

When their father came to the terminal looking for them, he came accompanied by their little sister who wasn’t so little anymore, being almost 8 years old, Josephine was glad that she made it in time to celebrate her birthday and had a Barbie doll hidden in her belongings for the occasion. She also saw her oldest brother walking behind her father and sister though she didn’t recognize him at first, he had lost so much weight that she was sure she was bigger than him in size as they were also the same height. It was an odd feeling looking at him while everything that he did to her came flashing back in her mind, she was about to loose her shit before her brother leaned down to her and whispered for her to relax and just breathe. When her little sister finally locked eyes on her after realization struck her face, she ran to her and hugged her with such voracity she almost knocked her down, her little sister was gushing words of adoration, telling her how beautiful she was, that she could be a model. Their father chuckled as he got closer saying loudly that she had been excited for days before their arrival, that she barely even slept that night in anticipation of seeing her older sister. Then when he finally reached in front of them he hugged her and called her my Joey which was his nickname for her, when he pulled back to hug her brother she saw the tears falling from his eyes. They were both kind of taken aback from their father’s display of emotions, as he was not one to often do so in public, then when he stood back to allow their eldest sibling to greet them he would wipe away his tears before anyone else could notice them.

The greeting from their eldest brother was actually quite uncomfortable as he made to hug his sister first, but the younger brother stepped forward and greeted him with a bro hug and whispered something in his ear that she couldn’t hear. When they broke apart Josephine had resolved to force herself into the embrace she knew was expected to give, instead it turned into a half hug in a sideways action that showed the discomfort she felt by his touch. Her father noticed but said nothing about it as he directed them towards the car, Josephine and her brother was in complete astonishment as they saw the beat up old ford their dad stood by, they wondered if the thing would actually hold together with them all in it. Their older brother loaded the luggage as they both stood still whispering amongst themselves, their trepidation in getting into the car, they snapped out of it when their father shouted at them to get their ass in the car, her brother being the tallest one had to sit in the front passenger side, leaving her to sit with their oldest brother in the backseat along with their little sister, whom Josephine made sure to place in the middle as all the while her oldest brother just stared at her. They pulled off with a cranking noise from the engine which sent a jolt of fear which made her scream out, which caused everyone to laugh loudly at her reaction except her brother who rode in the front, whom she noticed held on to the side of his seat with a white knuckled grip.

Some while later as they drove down the road they considered to be their highway, while Josephine looked out the window trying to avoid her oldest brother’s gaze that seemed glued to her. As they drove on she tried to assimilate herself to her new surroundings, she was internally freaking out as she noticed that other than a few small towns, all she saw was open fields of nothing but trees, grass or vegetation of some kind Only passing the occasional house or on the rear occasion a small cluster of houses, these were mostly board houses much like barns except smaller, some of the houses were dilapidated and looked like they were abandoned, she was shocked to learn that people lived in them and that it was considered normal. She was feeling anxious wondering where they lived, when her father turned the car into a more populated area where the houses were nicer and made of concrete and had a resemblance to the houses back where she lived, feeling better she asked where they were hoping that the answer was home. Her father didn’t answer her question as he pulled into a driveway of some sort of establishment, it looked like a house on top with a balcony in the front, but the bottom half was opened out to the driveway, showing off the stool lined bar within and a shelf that displayed a variety of bottles. He then told them to get out of the car, taking in the scene she decided that she could definitely use another drink as her buzz had already worn off, but instead of walking into the bar he directed them to the side where it had a stairway leading to the upper level. She thought to herself that the place wasn’t so bad, being that it seemed to be on the outskirts of a large town, she much rather a place like that instead of the barn like houses she saw earlier.

Josephine walked up the stairs asking if she should bring her luggage now or later, still her father refused to answer her question, growing annoyed with his behavior as she reached the top of the stairs, she turned to him and asked what she was supposed to do. Her father stood at the threshold of the door with a stupid smile on his face just looking at her, after some moments passed where she would realize he wasn’t going inside of the house, because it wasn’t there home, she looked inside the home to find it’s inhabitants. She looked inside the open floor space, seeing a man a little younger than her father sitting unbothered in his chair with a girl her sister’s size next to him, she then noticed an older woman coming out of the kitchen and approached her slowly, she didn’t recognize the man, or child, or this woman who kept looking at her, she had no idea who she was, so she looked at her father and asked if she was supposed to know these people. Once again he didn’t answer but this time he chuckled loudly, as her brother’s confusion suddenly turned into realization, he then walked up and bent down and hugged the woman, the hug lasted longer than your average greeting, which caused an uncomfortable feeling to build inside of her. When they broke apart the woman commented on how tall he was, that the last time she saw him he was half the size he was now, she also mentioned that he was handsome and that she would take credit for that.

She then turned to Josephine who just stood there staring at their encounter, the woman was expecting a similar gesture from her but she didn’t receive it, as Josephine was confounded by the situation. The woman then walked straight up to her asking if she wasn’t going to hug her own mother, this woman that was claiming to be her mother stood in front of her expectantly, but she only looked down at her instead.