Through Her Eyes

I sat at my desk staring at a blank Google Doc… God, what’s wrong with me? Can’t I just type something? This is literally all I do, every single day; why is it so difficult now? A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned back in my red office chair, letting my hands droop down my face to relieve some stress. When I look up at my cream popcorn ceiling, I am filled with a sense of failure.

Knock Knock

My back straightened with shock at the sudden noise; my head flicked toward the direction of the noise; it came from my window, and whoever was there knocked again. I felt my heartbeat elevate. Standing up from my chair, I slowly walked towards the teal curtains covering the window, and the knocking got louder. Seeing who was behind the curtain made me sigh with relief.

Nikki Adams, my best friend since 6th grade. She is my ride-or-die. Nikki and I were like love at first sight, the second I saw her walk into my 6th-grade class and saw her gorgeous red hair, I knew we’d be best friends. We’ve been through so much together, she came out to me as a lesbian and we’ve cried all night watching sad movies. We do argue a bit but we always bounce back.

An impatient look crosses her face as she signals for me to open the window. To let Nikki I unlatch the window lock. “Took you long enough, whatcha doin’?” She smiles when she crawls into my room, “writing or at least trying to...” I sigh as I gaze at the blank page, “ugh, Lame!” Nikki says I roll my eyes with a little smile, “Anyway, I came over because I need you to sneak out tonight, Chloe is having a senior-only party and we have to go. This is the only way I can get close to Chloe, and possibly even closer~” Nikki smirked as she plopped down on my bed, wrinkling my mint green sheets, “I don’t know Nikki, our senior year starts in a month, do we really want to spend this year with parties and booze again?” I sigh, hoping to get her to change her mind. Nikki thinks for a bit and looks around my room, specifically a black and purple Nightmare Before Christmas Poster, my favorite movie, that also glows in the dark, which she got me for my 17th birthday. “mmh, no.” she starts, I groan and spin my chair away from her, “come on, Celeste, you know I’ve had a crush on Chloe since sophomore year, I need you as my wingman, you always know what to say, oh and bonus Justin is gonna be there~” I turn back to her and give her a serious look, “pretty please~” she clams her hands together and makes a puppy face, shining her greenish blue eyes at me, begging me to go. I roll my head back and groan again in defeat, “You know I can’t say no to you” “Yay!” she stood up and cheered, “We have to get ready now though, because I want to be the first ones there so she’ll see I care enough to be on time” she went to my closet, “or just really desperate…” I say under my breath, but she still hears me and gives me a little glare, “Maybe she’s into that.” she said and I smiled at her then got up and joined her in my closet.

I fidget with a red dress that I was hesitating to put on, I frown, “he’s gonna love it, trust me” Nikki said, I look over at her, she was sitting on the floor in front of my mirror doing her makeup, she was put on bright sparkly eyeshadow and using a lot of bright bold colors, which mirrors her personality. “What would you know about guys? You’re a lesbian.” I looked in the mirror and moved some of my brown hair out of my face, “which is exactly why you should listen to me. I crave what men crave. That is your most “Innocent but slutty” dress, a little bit of skin, some breasts, and a red lip to match would be PERFECT” She looked back at me and crawled towards me, “And if he’s not into that?” “Then he’s not worth your time” She shrugged sassily and she took my hand, I bit my lip nervously, and looked back at Nikki. Her bright red hair was curled perfectly over her face, I’ve always been jealous of her looks. “Take off those boring pajamas and get into this sexy dress. I’ll do your makeup, I promise you we’re both going to be taken by the end of the night” she spoke looking into my eyes, my smile widened, “ok…” I nodded and got up.

I barely recognize myself in the mirror after Nikki “glamified” me. My brown eyes were hidden by glitter and sharp cat eyeliner, “last touches” she digs through her makeup bag and puts out a red lipstick. I was so focused on myself in the mirror she had to physically turn my head to put it on me, she dragged the red lipstick across my bottom lip, “Perfect, you look amazing”, I looked back in the mirror and smiled, “where would I be without you?” I say in awe, “Probably still in the corner I found you in when we were in middle school” she jokes, I chuckle “Thank you, Nik” “you’re very welcome, now come on let’s go!” she jumped up with excitement and I followed after. We snuck out through my window and headed for Chloe’s party.

When we got to the location, it was an abandoned house in the middle of the forest. It was a brink, two-story, house with a couple of busted windows and vines crawling up its side. Besides the looks, we knew this was the right place because of the bright colorful lights and the loud Pop music coming from inside, “ready to party!” Nikki giggles as she skips to the door, “this house better not fall on us” I joke and follow her inside. Inside was just a basic house, like any other, I was expecting something emptier but it’s well decorated, I’d never think this house would be abandoned. “Nikki!!” I hear a higher-pitched voice say, then Chloe comes from what looks like the living with a plastic cup of “fruit punch”.

Chloe was a shorter girl, 5’3 maybe, with black hair, and blue eyes, and was a party freak. Any party that’s going on she’s most likely hosting it. But she’s also extremely smart, she’s in honor and AP classes, all A’s. She is the image of the perfect student in parents’ eyes but we all know she’s not, even then she’s such a social butterfly and has amazing style. I think she wants to be a fashion designer after high school and study fashion in college. She’s definitely going to be something in the future.

Chloe hugged Nikki, “Hey! Y’all are early, people will start showing up soon,” she said as she pulled away, then she hugged me, I hugged her back tightly, “Oh my god, you guys look gorgeous. Come on, we’re in the living room, pre-gaming” she takes both our hands and leads into another well-decorated room, inside was a dark brown couch, old paintings hanging against the floral wallpaper, Chloe lets us go and runs over to the stereo, she turns it down and come back to us, I was so focused on the room I barely noticed Justin and Spider sitting on the couch, “Hey Celeste” Justin smiles at me, I feel like face heat it, if it wasn’t for the colorful lights, they could probably all see how red I was.

I’ve known Justin since elementary school, 5th grade before I met Nikki, and for the longest time I’ve seen him as a brother but this summer we hung out a lot, just the two of us. We went to the mall, my house, his house, and even the movies together. I’m really not sure why he was always asking to hang out but I really enjoyed it, as you can tell I developed feelings for him as well. The only problem is I’m not sure if he likes me back, he’s been giving me mixed signals, Sometimes we text back and forth, and other times he won’t respond for hours, or he’ll look at me differently, and the next day he won’t look at me at all. It’s kind of frustrating and I bet I can predict what’s going to happen tonight, we’re going to talk all night, but the second either of us gets the chance to talk about our feelings for each other, he’ll find something to distract himself and leave me stranded. If there’s one thing men are afraid of, it’s their feelings.

“Hey Justin, Hey Spider” I greet both of them, but Spider’s eyes are glued to his phone, “Spider, be nice, say hi” Chloe comes over and hits the back of his head, he grumbles a bit then looks at me, his eyes were cold, “Hi.” he looked back at his phone and made a troubled face, I’m guessing he lost some sort of game, he put his phone away and slips back into the pocket of his black hoodie, “you look amazing” Justin looked me up and down, It suddenly got even hotter, “thanks” I smile, “you look like a princess threw up on you.” Spider said, being salty since he lost his game “And you look like a homeless person, Spider. Who comes to a party dressed like that and doesn’t drink” Nikki defends me, I smile at her “Because I like having a liver” he gives her a snarl before she looks away, “and because you’re a military brat. Your soldier daddy would beat your ass if you ever went home drunk” Justin added not making the situation any better, Spider glares at him “Well I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, thanks Spider” I make a little heart with my hand, he rolls his eyes, and Justin laughs. Chloe flops onto the couch and Nikki sits on the floor with a bottle in hand, “Oh can I braid your hair, Nik?” Zevie smiles widely and agrees, they both shift around so Nikki is sitting in between her legs but still on the floor.

You’d think Chloe likes Nikki with how she treats Nikki like they’re sisters, but Chloe is like that with everyone, even strangers, which is why Nikki is so desperate to get closer to her, like an inner circle closer. Chloe is so nice to everyone, but if I’m going, to be honest, I don’t think their relationship would last all that long, since Chloe is so touchy with everyone, Nikki would definitely get jealous and she doesn’t know how to handle jealousy well, but of course, I wouldn’t say this to her face because she so happy when she’s around Chloe, and I don’t want to ruin that for her because I know how hard Nikki’s life is already, I don’t want to punch her in the face with a reality check.

I sat next to Justin, putting my hands in my lap, “Oh I forgot to tell you!” Justin turned his body towards me and placed his hands on mine, “You remember that homeless guy we passed back when we went to the park…” he started rambling, but I was so lost watching his lips move with every word he spoke, and his hazel eyes looking into mine, he had small freckles across his smooth face, I could just kiss him right here and now… “AYYEE LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!” Some people busted in, and we all stopped what we were doing and looked over at the front door. A massive group of people came in with boxes of beer, vodka, and pretty much anything they could get their hands on, “HELL YEAH!” Chloe jumped up and turned up the music, people scattered across the house, going to the kitchen to get cups, some just drinking straight from the bottles, and the party finally began.

I was dancing with Chloe, Nikki, and a couple more people, we were having the time of our lives, this had to be one of Chloe’s best parties yet, I’d never seen a place so crowded, I was getting a bit too dizzy for my liking, “I’m gonna go get some water!” I yell to Nikki, over the music, she gives me a thumbs-up and keeps dancing. I push through the massive crowd of people until I finally make it to the kitchen, I sigh and try catching my breath, I wobble to the kitchen sink and turn it on, without even thinking about grabbing a cup, I put my head under the sink and just drank water straight from the tap, I sigh and look over to my right, my eyes widen when I saw Justin making out with Lily Rose. My literal worst enemy since freshman year. He was cupping her cheek and she had her arms around his neck, I felt sick to my stomach. I don’t know now if it was the alcohol but I thought I was going to throw up right then and there.

I rushed out of the kitchen, but now I had the horrible image stuck in my head, Lily sucking on Justin’s face, my crush. She’s such a bitch! She goes after everyone I want in life and school. She’s like my copycat. I auditioned for the main role in a play our school was doing, and of course, she signed up right after me. After the auditions, they couldn’t decide between Lilly and I, which pissed me off, but the theater department had us audition again. Lilly antagonized me the entire time before I went on stage. They took a vote, and Lilly won by 1 vote. If it weren’t for the pressure and rage she gave me beforehand I’d probably have gotten that part, instead, I was a backup, alongside 2 others.

I made it down a hallway and found a couple of doors, I opened the first one I could get my hands on and went inside, I quickly closed the door and lay my head on it, trying not to cry, “You fucking idiot.” I said to myself, “Yeah, maybe knock next time.” I heard a voice behind me. I was a little startled and turned around. There I saw Spider on an old bed, it looked like it could break at any second. “Perfect. Just who I wanted to see.” I scoffed and crossed my arms, “Why are you being so bitchy?” He looked at me up and down, “What are you doing in here by yourself?” I avoided his question “Not being an emotional pick-me bitch” he responded cockily I grumbled angrily, but I didn’t want to leave, “why are you such an asshole? I barely even know you!” I felt like crying, but I couldn’t cry in front of him, he’d make fun of me, “Oh please, I don’t want your drama, if you’re mad save it for someone else” he got off the bed and walked past me, but I’m not gonna take his shit anymore. I turn around and grab his arm, “Let me go-” he glared at me with anger, “You don’t even treat Nikki like this. What did I ever do to you?” I felt a tear roll down my face. I was crying out of frustration. “Don’t act so innocent. You’ve been taunting me for years,” he pulled his arm away, “what are you talking about?” I begged for an answer, “Come on..” he looked at me like I knew and was lying, but I didn’t. I barely talk to Spider, and when I do, he insults me and teases me. I hang around him often because of Justin and Chloe but never because I want him there.

There was only one time he was nice to me: when Chloe asked Nikki to go to the movie. I was so excited for Nikki, then Spider asked me if I wanted to go, of course, I said yes, but that was only because I wanted to be there for Nikki’s support. I didn’t think anything of it, honestly, I don’t even know what movie we watched. Even then he made fun of what I wore when I arrived, he said he only invited me because he had a discount that required him to buy two seats so we got all the snacks for free, and it was a lot of snacks, we didn’t talk the entire time, we had to sit next to each other, and neither one of us enjoyed it.

“Argh! Why can’t guys just talk about their feelings? You are such a pussy!” I spat out at him, “God, you’re such a bitch, no wonder Justin doesn’t like you. Do you bitch at him like this too?” he furrowed his eyebrows at me, I didn’t know what to say… but I couldn’t let him win, and without a thought, I blurted out “You’re only acting like this because your mom died. BOOHOO Old news! That was 7th grade, get over it!” His dark eyes widened. That was low. Too low. The lowest I’ve ever gone, and for what? I honestly don’t know why this started, I’m just so upset, angry, and drunk.

I gasped when I realized what I had said, I covered my mouth with my hand, “Spider… I’m-” “Fuck you.” He interrupted me, turned his back to me, and left, slamming the door behind him. I didn’t mean to say it but I did, he’s never going to forgive me. Ugh, why would I want him to? He’s an asshole. No. he didn’t deserve that. What have I done?

I pulled myself towards the bed he was lying on and sat down, this room was so different from the others, the wallpaper was ripped off, but you still see it was a bit yellow. Just then the door opened again, I was hoping he would come back so I could apologize but when I looked over it was Nikki, “Did I get ditched for Spider?” she asked with a drunken smile on her face, “no…” I said as I looked at the old cracked wall, “Nooooo what’s wrong? You’re supposed to be having fun!” she came over and sat next to me, I looked over at her, “I may have said something about Spider’s mom” I huff, “what exactly..?” she asked hesitantly, I felt too ashamed to say anything, I looked away from her and took deep in, and another tear rolled down my face, “that bad huh?” “Really bad.” I exaggerate, I sniffle, and curl up. “Do you want to go home?” she asked me, “Neither of us is in any condition to drive home?” I said and she chuckled, “I’ll just wait for you here, or until the cops come” I joked, she sighed and nodded, “I’m not leaving you here by yourself’” she placed her hand on my knee and massaged it a bit, “Thanks Nikki but you should go be with Chloe, this could be your only chance” I state, but Nikki shook her head, “I could but I don’t want to lose you” she wiped some of my tears away and hugs me, I lower my legs and hug her back tightly. She is the only person I never regret making my friend. We pulled away and lay down on the bed, and we cuddled each other, “I love you so much” I said burying my head in her neck, “thank you” she giggled, and I laughed, she’s so drunk.