Chapter 1
EAGER ANTICIPATION CHURNED in my stomach as I waited by the mailbox for the mail carrier. Something was happening; I could sense it deep inside where reason does not rule. My life was about to change, and although I wasn’t certain David’s “surprise” would be the catalyst, I believed there was a connection.
After accepting a large stack of letters and two farm magazines, I waited for the “surprise,” but the mail carrier just shook his head—no package. I trudged onto the road, glancing through the letters in my hand as disappointment replaced anticipation. The “surprise” was delayed, I reasoned, holding on to my last spark of excitement. Then I saw it, a cream-colored envelope addressed to me. I stopped in the middle of the road and pulled it from the bottom of the pile. It looked like a wedding announcement. My mind registered a possibility before I was consciously aware and my hands trembled, making it difficult to identify the smeared postmark. When I finally made out the word Yellowstone, I was sure David’s “surprise” was not delayed. Indeed, it lay in my hand threatening to shake my world.
It wasn’t until something touched my leg that I recovered my senses enough to notice my dog, Chip, standing beside me. He nudged insistently at my thigh. I reached down and rubbed his head, completely oblivious to my surroundings. Abruptly, he pushed me from behind with such force that I stepped forward. A car passed, going up on the shoulder. I stumbled out of the way. The cream-colored envelope tumbled from my hand. I let it go, wishing it would disappear before I had to open it.
My mind shifted to one big question. What would I do without David? It was a simple thought that should have led to a simple answer. We had no strings, no commitment that required breaking before moving on. Yet he was the very center of my universe, the core of every hope and dream in my past and future.
David had been part of my life as long as I could remember. Was that the problem? Were we such good friends that he could never consider anything beyond friendship?
What about me? When did my feelings change to something that encompassed my heart with tiny strings of hope, completely encasing it in a future with him? Had my feelings ever been those of a casual friend or were they always, as I feared, intrinsically bound to him?
The car ran over the envelope and sent it skidding like an errant Frisbee. Chip trotted over to it, picked it up in his teeth, and triumphantly brought it to me. Ignoring him, I walked slowly up the driveway. He followed at my heels.
Trying to make sense of my feelings and David’s apparent choice, my mind raced through thoughts of us. It seemed strange that he never pursued a physical relationship during all those years until . . . the tender memory of that moment filled me with raw longing. Sitting down on our porch swing, I let the memory of our only kiss enfold me in wonder. David had been about to leave for a three-month internship, destroying my hope for a summer together.
“I’ll miss you, David,” I said attempting to hide the emotions that threatened to turn me into a fool.
David put his arms around me and crushed me to his chest, but he held me for only a moment. Tenderness was etched in his smile when he pulled away. “Jenny, don’t make this any harder than it is.”
“David, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t . . .” My words stopped as he leaned into me and lifted my chin with his finger. I saw the purpose in his deep, blue eyes before his lips took mine. The pounding of my heart surged through my being; I struggled to hold on as the searing power descended over me, leaving me weak and vulnerable. I needed him to hold me, to show me what to do with the hidden love that finally escaped the confines of my soul—I needed him to stay.
Why? I wanted to scream as he stepped back, breaking our connection. Why? I wanted to scream now as Chip dropped the envelope next to my feet. Once again I questioned my desire, even my ability to move on without him. How long could the memory of one kiss hold me if it was just a teasing temptation for something I would never be able to claim?
“What’s in the mail, Jenny?” My mom stepped out of the house, walked over to the swing, and sat next to me.
Her words startled me, pulling me away from the frantic wandering of my mind. I handed her the bundle of letters without turning in my seat. Chip picked up the envelope and set it on her lap.
“Chip, where did you get this?” She lifted the envelope and held it at arm’s length, in order to read the address.
I turned away, wishing he could answer so I wouldn’t have to.
“Hmmm . . . it’s for you.” She held it toward me.
When I didn’t accept it, she looked back at the envelope. “Is something wrong?” Her eyes shot to my face. “What is this?”
I shrugged.
She pointed at the Yellowstone postmark. “Is it from David?” She watched me for a moment, her eyes narrowed. “Oh, Jenny,” she sighed, brushing strands of my auburn hair away from my eyes. “You don’t . . . surely you don’t think this is his wedding announcement?”
I sat in silence, holding back the tears. What could I say?
Mom put her arm around my shoulder. “David wouldn’t do that. I don’t think anyone would except . . . what was her name? The one who did that to Kayla’s brother?”
“Penelope,” I said remembering how outraged my friend, Kayla, and I were when Penelope’s wedding announcement was delivered to her brother. They had been dating for months before she went away, and as far as any of us knew he still thought they were together. David and I hadn’t really been dating. Was it possible he found someone—or more to the point—the one? I pressed my eyes closed, refusing to allow my mind to even go down that path. Not thinking, not believing, not knowing seemed like my only protection.
“Jenny,” Mom interrupted the frantic wandering of my mind, “would you like me to open it?”
Burn it! Throw it away! Just get rid of it! I wanted to shout even as I nodded my consent. Still, I watched, unable to look away as she slipped her finger under the flap, lifted it quickly, and pulled out an embossed invitation in one swift move.
I closed my eyes, waiting, dreading to hear what she already knew until I felt her hand on my arm. “Jenny, you’ll want to see this.”
My eyes flew open. She was smiling. I grabbed the contents of the envelope from her outstretched hand.
Jennifer Marie Milton
Is invited for a visit to
Yellowstone National Park,
August 6-13, 2007
I gasped. Relief flowed from my mind to my heart, making me laugh a joyful release of hope. There would be a tomorrow and many more to come. I could feel it now, that sense of expectation, of optimism for my future.
