Free
I throw on my beanie and shoes and rush out the door. It is raining buckets, puddles forming quickly. My feet, covered only in thin running shoes that I could put on quickly, are already soaked and I have barely left my house. The sky is dark and intimidating, the fog makes it difficult to see and chills my body to the bone, but I am not deterred because I am running to him.
I could have driven, could have waited at least until the rain calmed down, i debated it, but he isn’t far away and I will be much faster on foot. I can’t wait another second to be near him.
The rain beats down harder than before. I am completely drenched, my jacket and leggings are soaked through. I should have made wiser choices and I try to reprimand myself, but it is no use. I have to be near him. We have spent too much time apart.
I will not slow down amid the weather, I will run faster. He will be my warmth and my rescue. I must get to him, feel his arms around me, to touch his face, to hold his hands in mine.
At this thought, I smile, bigger and broader and more joyful than I have in a long time, maybe bigger than I ever have.
I’m running, sprinting, full speed. My legs are screaming, but I can not slow down. Not since I received his text followed by a GPS location.
Jake: I’m free, Love.
I didn’t take the time to respond. I threw on my shoes grabbed my jacket and headed straight for him toward him. He is my home and my future.
The streets are full of people as I run past. Umbrellas and Neon signs fill the dreary sky with light. Cars are honking their horns in unison, their headlights lights like shimmering stars. The night is beautiful. His freedom makes everything beautiful amid a dreary world because he loves me and he is here, finally here.
I have almost made it to him. My lungs are burning, but my heart won’t let me stop moving. Each labored breath means that I am one step closer to him.
Suddenly, the woods appear. There is a path that is dark and ominous, but my phone tells me that this is the way. The sky is ominous, reminding me that I should be cautious, but I continue without abandon into the trees. If he is at the end of this path, I will not retreat.
I venture further down the path. It is only now that I slow down a little as my directions are becoming more difficult to track. Trees and bushes covered the narrow road and pavers are missing, almost completely disguising the correct direction. I am almost without hope when a clearing appears There is a small porch light that beckons me. At the end of the path through a final maze of bushes, it appears, a tiny cabin, simple and pure. Made of logs and stones. It wouldn’t be acknowledged as anything special to most, but to me, it looks like heaven, the light from the porch drawing me to safety. It is where he is. It is where I belong and I haven’t felt that before.
My speed picks up and with a smile that I can’t control, I snake my way through the brambles that surround me. Within seconds, I arrive in front of the house and slowly make my way up the steps that will take me to the porch and soon enough, I hope, into his arms.
At the door, there is an overhang that keeps the rain from falling on me, not as if it matters. I couldn't get any more soaked by the downpour than I am already, the rain has turned me into a complete and total mess. My makeup is destroyed, my long sable hair is sticking to the sides of my face, and my clothes cling to my body in a way that is neither comfortable nor attractive. It is at this exact moment that I realize I shouldn’t have been so impulsive in my rush to get here. In my desire to be near him, I hadn't thought things through. I will finally get to meet him, but is this the way I want him to see me on our first meeting? All of my previous confidence is fading. I pace and take a few deep breaths, trying to figure out what to do, absentmindedly trying to do something with my thick, knotted hair. Should I go back home, make myself presentable, and then come back looking much more... acceptable? I decide that our first meeting should, unfortunately not be like this, and turn around to leave.
Then I hear it, a soft footstep followed by another and another.
I feel it, a soft breath on my ear, an arm around my waist.
I smell it, molasses and woodsy, and something else more inviting than I can explain.
Turning toward him I see the most intense cobalt eyes staring into mine. We stand there for a moment, not moving, barely breathing, all of my previous nerves erased in his presence. His arms are as welcoming as I imagined them to be. His smile matches mine, it is full of the joy of a dream coming true. Breaking eye contact, he rests his chin on my head and draws me closer, wrapping both of his strong arms around me, enveloping me in his affection. He breathes deeply continuing to calm me down. I hear the rain pounding and the wind screaming through the trees. I know the air is cold, but I have never felt warmer or safer in my life. In his arms is the comfort that starts in your soul and creates a new world around you.
Jake pulls back, his arms still wrapped around me tight and he locks onto my eyes again. I am perfectly happy. I don’t need food or water, bed or shelter, as long as he is here with me. As long as he loves me with the love I can see in his eyes, the world around me could fall apart.
“We should go inside, get you dried off. I have a warm fire and hot coffee.” His voice is deep and rough, filled with years of whispers and secrets, filled also with many years of trying to be invisible. He speaks these words in a low rumble as if he is afraid to break the silence that has built between us. Lightly touching my cheek with the back of his finger, he moves some hair out of my face. I remember my appearance and start to fidget.
Stuttering, and looking down at my wet clothes, I begin to apologize, “I ran out the door so fast to get here, I look...”
With the gentlest of gestures, he raises my chin until our eyes meet, “Like the dream that I have waited for an eternity to come true? Like the most beautiful thing I have ever, ever laid eyes on?” I blush but hold his eyes finding nothing in them but what he believes to be the truth.
He won't let my eyes free of his own as he speaks. “Shall we go inside? Let me help you get warmed up. Then, we can talk." He slows his speech to an almost whisper, the deep voice becoming thicker, full of emotion, "We have all night, all week, all of our lives to be together if that’s what you want. I am free, finally free, to be in the world and with you.” He takes a deep breath and pulls me in tighter once more as if he is afraid I will vanish. I hear a low chuckle. “Well, not exactly free,” he continues, “I am completely and utterly at your mercy, though I am delighted to be there.”
I smile, tears forming in my eyes. I am beyond in love with this man whom I have waited months and months for, this man whom I didn't know existed, but my heart knew from the moment that we chatted. I, too, am completely at his mercy. Reaching for my hand and intertwining our fingers, he leads me toward the door and a life with him, one I thought would never happen and in a way that is better than I ever imagined.
As he opens the door to lead me inside, the light from the cabin permeates the darkness. It fills the air around us with comfort and hope. It shines through all of the rain and all of the cold rescuing me from the cruelty of the world outside. This little log cabin that seems nothing on the surface holds so much for my future, and I love it. It feels like home, not only because there is a fire to keep us warm on a cold night, which there is, but it is home because he is here. I sigh in contentment and step into the cabin pulling him in behind me and into our future.
