Tale 1
A sweet yet annoyingly slow melody pierced through my sleep like a sharp sword. I sprung up, frantically searching for the source of the sound - I can't let the baby wake up, a thought seared in my mind even in my half-asleep state.
I found it and silenced it. I finally took a quick look around me and towards my sleeping husband and daughter. A mental sigh of relief flooded me as I got up and went straight to work. They needed to sleep and I needed the time to concentrate. I hope it's a better day today.
I work at home as a customer care manager and I am dedicated to my job. I'm needed at my job, and my clients appreciate me. I have a very young baby and a husband who works in the office - he also works as a customer care manager. While I work at home I have to tend to my motherly duties and I am expected to tend to my household duties as faithfully as well. I'm the only one here with her during the day.
"Mama!" My daughter is now awake. That was one hour of focus so I got the more important reports done.
I looked at her chubby cheeks, bright eyes, and messy hair and allowed myself a small soft smile. She has so much energy, I thought. I knew what she wanted so I got up to turn on the TV for her.
"Did you change her diaper?" I heard his voice. I must have woken him up.
"No, she just woke up," I replied hoarsely.
My voice sounded so coarse and dry. It was my first sentence of the day after all.
"Change it then." He responded flatly. I've always despised mornings.
After changing my daughter's diapers, I turned on the TV for her, gave her yogurt, fruits, and some water, and then went back to my office chair in a flash. I had some additional reports that I needed to complete.
I didn't complete the reports in time. My boss got angry and I got frantic. My world was closing in on me. My chest tightened, my breathing got raggedy, and my mind was ravaged by my thoughts. Am I a failure? Am I not needed anymore? Where did I go wrong when I planned out my day so perfectly!? I just got promoted, I can't lose this!
I snapped back into reality, I just needed to calm down. He got the reports at the end, and I'm sure the delay wasn't so major.
My husband was about to leave home to head to work. Another mental sigh of relief.
I just came out of a meeting and I have fifteen minutes until the next one, I took this time to quickly change my daughter's diaper, gave her snacks, and put the TV back on her favorite show.
I never had time to eat. I never had time to make something. I never had time.
Work took that time, I spent this morning making breakfast for my husband and hardly touched the plate that I spared myself because I had to focus on work.
I was in a meeting when my daughter started crying. I looked over at her and did a quick scan, she wasn't injured, I had already changed her, she was not hungry and there weren't even tears on her face. She just wants attention. I couldn't give her attention so I placed myself on mute and let her continue crying. I couldn't move until the meeting ended. This happens every day, I dangerously got used to it.
My migraine flared up. My energy levels were low and my muscles screamed in intense pain. It was a long and tiring day. It wasn't the best but some good was in it. I got some things accomplished but as usual, my attention had to be split between work and the baby. If I wanted to finish the day's work, I had to stay some extra hours.
I made a small cup of oatmeal porridge for my daughter after her bath. It's quicker and less stressful to make. I took a look around the bedroom and realized the mess that was made.
I need to clean this before he comes back home.
The thought blared through my head like an emergency alarm. I moved quickly. I can't manage it when he's upset, I just can't!
Then I remembered... "I didn't cook..", the words fell out like a death sentence. I was now in distress.
I texted him the update quickly. He may have left work now.
"Why?" He replied. It didn't take long for his response to come in, so he was on his way home.
I left him on read.
Why do I dread the idea of him coming home?
I heard the tires skid against the stones in the driveway as the car fought its way up. The house grill shook to announce his arrival, he's here. I made a mental check of everything while I lay down in the bedroom. Only dinner wasn't cooked.
"Why were these things left in the living room?", was his greeting.
"I didn't see them," I responded meekly.
"Why didn't you clean up the kitchen?" He was getting more upset now.
"I'm sorry, I forgot about it," I answered quietly.
He huffed and walked away. He cleaned the areas he complained about but I didn't appreciate the 'help'. If I had done it then I wouldn't be feeling like this.
That night I rested my head on my pillow and thought of the pros and cons of remaining alive. I closed my eyes tightly as the tears fought to burst out then I re-opened them. This time I thought of ways to make tomorrow better. My tears fell silently, I had to make it better.
The alarm woke me up to a new day. I had placed my phone on the bedside table so I found it easily. I took a slow look around my bedroom. The curtains were blocking out the comforting light of the morning sun. The room was dark and gloomy. In the corner sat my desktop, waiting for me. The scent of the air was stale but I didn't notice. it was the same thing for yesterday, it will be the same for tomorrow. Nothing changes.
Work needs me. Work appreciates me. I'm going to start work.
Once I powered on the computer, my negative reality faded away. I am seen. It's not the best place, but it's better than home.
The cycle repeats. The days would have never gotten better.
THE END.
