Wool Sweater
When one wants to start over, and get out of the life they are currently "stuck" in, what logical choices would you expect them to make? Leave everything and everyone that they know behind and go somewhere else, right? No, that's insane! No rational person does that. There are logical and lengthy steps to take before completely uprooting and going somewhere new. Right?
Whelp, that crazy plan of jumping before planning is what I kinda did. Now, don't think I just walked away from everything one day, I'm not that far gone. I took a trip on a vacation to a place that and while I was there it seemed like I could feel more "me", and when I came home, I decided that's where I was going to permanetly be. I minimized the things that kept me tethered to the place I currently lived, and started the process of letting go of what "was" and was leaving my home in less than 3 months from returning from the vacation that changed everything.
Let me introduce myself. I was named Mary Violet Cuttingham when I was born, and people have called me Mary for most of my life. I don't dislike my name, but just like my everyday existence, it doesn't "feel" right. In my everyday experience, I am your typical, nothing special girl next door, so in that respect I am very much a Mary. Average student, average personality, I don't stand out in a crowd and to be honest I don't want to, otherwise I would've made the effort, but it's not worth the energy when everything else doesn't fit. The thing is, the life that I am living, it just feels like there's a huge part that is like wearing a scratchy wool sweater on a hot humid summer day. I find myself going through the motions of life, and while there are definitely challenges that I have to manage just like everyone else, but I can't accept that this life, is it for me. So why don't I change it, you ask?
I've seen people go through life changes, trying to figure out who they are and what they want to be or do with themselves. They change their job, or they change their hair, sometimes they leave a relationship that seemed to be a really solid and healthy situation, or they move towns, or go back to school for a new career. When they make these changes, sure they seem to find out things about themselves, but really, if you look close, not much has changed for them. They are still at their core who they were and with the same life but with little adjustments to what they are doing and sometimes who they are doing things with.
I have done none of these things. Perhaps this is why I've decided that my major life altering change of getting on this plane and putting myself in an entirely new life is how to start new. The wool sweater has got to come off.
