Chapter 1 first crush
I have always loved romance movies. That moment where my heart could burts out off my chest because the main caracters of the story finally decide they can’t live without each other, I don’t think I could ever live without that exact feeling. The night’s I would spend just fantasizing about a love like that..
And here I am a 25 year old law school student about to graduate, thinking about the boy I met when I was 10. You might think “10 that’s really young” and “15 years ago that’s a really long time”. I don’t know how my story will end but I can tell you about that little girl and the boy she fell head over heals in love with. Afterwords you might tell me, are they destined or was it all just a fantasy?
Let me take you back to September 2008, the moment my little brother Dean joined a kids hockeyteam in our village. He became friends with Max very quickly and it turns out our parents also really liked each other and became friends just as fast. I would see Max at our house quit often and he was always really sweet. The neighborhood didn’t like Max and his brothers Nick and Simon, apparently they were always very rude, loud and out of controle. With us, Max was always really calm though.
December 2008, there was a winter carnaval and my parents had decided to take me and my brother there. Max, his parents and brothers joined us. I remember seeing them and also seeing Nick for the very first time. You can call it love at first side on my part, because from that point on he lived rent free in my mind. I would discribe him as very tall, brown hair, blue eyes, cool and atheletic. While I am more like bambi on ice, tiny, thin, brown hair, brown eyes and very clumsy. I remember him helping me, holding me up while i tried to ice scate and afterwards he would continue by himself, he went so fast and effortlessly I couldn’t take my eyes of him. The evening ended way to fast and I had to say goodbye. That night forever changed me. Later in bed, I knew how it felt to fall in love, the butterflies, the all consuming thoughts, the sweaty hands, the nerves, everything. And I wanted more of it, so much more.
Very soon I got what I wanted and our families went out to dinner together. We attracted towards each other like magnets, as soon as we would see each other the world around us would disappeare and we would talk and play till the very last minute before we had to go home. I remember the resaurant had a game computer with a game about love, where you could answer questions together to find out if you were a love match. We loved that game, always played it together, too young to understand what i meant, with no shame and no specific words we knew we shared the same connection.
Unfortunately we didn’t get to see each other that often, he went to a different school, his brother came to our house quit often so I wouldn’t see him and when there was a party other people would be there as well. I had my little life and he had his. Occasionally i would write about him in my dairy, how cute and sweet he was to me. In the beginning of my teenage years I came across other boys whom i liked but they never became my boyfriends.
After several months of not seeing each other i would think I was over him, way to young to like a boy so much that I couldn’t forget about him. But men what was i wrong. The moment I saw him again, by this time I was 14 years old, I was right back to where I stared, totally completely head over heals in love.
There was a party at my house, we where all gonna watch the world championship soccer game. He was there, with braces and even taller then I could remember. He was teasing me by trying to steel my chair from me. Ofcourse he succeeded, I just wasn’t strong enough. But that didn’t matter, I was determined to win. So the next thing I did was sit on his lap. Bare in mind we had never touched before and our families where there watching, but I didn’t care. I totally expected him to throw me off immediately, but to my surprise he didn’t. He made himself comfortable sitting back while hugging me. I can tell you that boy’s legs must have lost all the feeling in them, because he kept me right there on his lap the entire first half off the game. During the brake I was wondering what would happen the second half off the match, would he want me to sit with him again or would he find his own chair? But again to my surprise, he just walked up to me sitting in the chair, lifted me up and put me right back on his lap for the second half off the game. We laughed, cheered, hugged for what felt like forever and our country won the game. And then it was all over, afterwards my parents asked what happend and all I could say was that we were just friends having fun.
I didn’t see him for months, nearly a year if I remember correctly. I remember beeing frustrated, it felt like it didn’t happen, like I was all imagining it. He had my number but never called. I saw him a couple times in the supermarket where he worked and he always acted like nothing had happend. It became very akward and I still liked him. By the time I was 15 years old, about to go on summer holliday with my family and best friend I was sure, I am OVER him.
The weekend before we were leaving to go to the south of France my parents invited their friends over for a party. Of course he was there, I tried to be strong but as soon as I saw him, there I was in love again. I set on the couch and he set very close next to me. After a while I leighed down and he did as well. I don’t remember how it happend but we were cuddling, spooning even. Our hands intertwined and I thought to myself this time it has to be different, this time he can’t act like it didn’t happen. That evening we texted and agreed that after the holliday we would go on a date and we would keep in touch. He promised to text me as soon as he had the chance. I can’t even discribe how happy that made me, it was all I could think about.
The text never came. We were back to where we were before the party and it broke my heart. I went to see him in the supermarket where he worked and to my surprise he acted like nothing had happend. We were not even friends. We were nothing. Although, when his parents invited us a couple months later for a bbq with their friends and family he stuck to me like glue and did everything for me. But then again nothing afterwards, no text, no call, just nothing. In the years following I barely saw him, our brothers stayed friends, we moved to a different town and I thought that was the end.
Thank you for reading this far! Please let me know what you think and I will write more chapters! With love F💕
