Waterproof Bandaids

5:22 pm

Riley: Are you coming home late today? I have something important to discuss with you.

Jax: Not Sure 3 Hours ago

The Broken picture frame sat on the floor after Jax stormed out of the apartment. The silence that followed after the screaming match is unbearable. I stared at the broken glass surround our smiling faces in our graduation photo. So blissful----happy. Why did it have to fall? Today of all days at that. Jax had shaken this apartment worst than an earthquake before in his anger and it always stayed. It was always there on the entry table.

Jax probably went to the club again for drinks, I'll wait until he's cooled off and apologize again. Why did I think it was a good idea to mention my promotion? He's been so stressed lately about his own work and being passed up for another colleague. At the very least he could've have congratulated me even if it was empty. He didn’t have to call me a whore. That can’t be how he sees me is it? I might be too sensitive again. But apparently not sensitive enough for him.

I picked up the glass pieces and looked at the photo, fresh blood dripped on it. My blood. All I could do was stare at it. At the day we promised to live and work together. Our laughter from that day a mocking echo. Everyday it sat on the entry table by the door watching the mess we became. My vision blurred, my eyes stung. My tears dripping on the photo mingled with my blood.

When did I start crying? When was the last time I cried? It’s just a little argument—- we will be better in the morning.

*Bzzt* *Bzzt*

Jess is always on time to call, after every argument she always calls. She always knows. What does she know? I don’t know. She just knows.

ON CALL

JESS: Hey, Riles, how did it go?

RILEY: I told him at least.

JESS: You’re crying, I can hear it in your voice. What happened, what did the prick do? He didn’t hit you did he?

RILEY: He didn’t, he just got angry and started shouting again.

JESS: He’s shouted at you plenty of times and you haven’t cried. You didn’t cry at the end of watching chestnut or Hi bye Mama.

RILEY: He didn’t get physical I promise, It was my fault he’s angry.

JESS: Riles

RILEY: But why did he have to call me a whore that sleeps around to climb the ladder? I work as hard as he does so why did he---- Does it really seem that way?

JESS: Riley honey, he didn’t. Where is that tool?

RILEY: He left

JESS: HE LEFT? And go where?

RILEY:....His usual place... I think

JESS: (sigh) You want me to come over?

RILEY:...

JESS: You want me to stay on call until you fall asleep?

RILEY: Please?

JESS: Okay

Jax didn’t come back that night, we didn’t talk in the morning either. This was normal— or normal as it could be. He’d come by the apartment ever so often to grab a few things and leave again. He wouldn’t even look at me. Talk to me. Those two weeks were unbearable. Today he finally texted me.

6:25 pm

Jax: Let’s break up

Riley: Tell me when you’ll be coming by for your things

Jax: You’re not even going to ask why? I knew it. This is your problem and I can’t take it anymore. 5 hours ago

Was I really the problem? He never said anything was wrong until now. But then again I was always wrong about something. I always messed up everything in this relationship. I was the one who pushed him away—- was I really just a terrible girlfriend? I wish I could have stayed in ignorant bliss of not knowing. But... But life isn’t so simple. Not for me anyways. At least there was some sense to what happened. All those late nights and what he was doing. I was just too—- I don’t know— I just didn’t want to say it. But it happened.

In the group chat:

Lauren: Okay Liz? Riley? what happened? (⁠╬⁠☉⁠д⁠⊙⁠)⁠⊰⁠⊹ฺ

Jess: ??? Did that tool do something to her? I swear I’m gonna beat him to a pulp.

Liz: *Sends picture of Jax and some other girl making out in a club* This was two weeks ago I didn’t know how to tell her. She was already going through it enough. But I couldn’t let her stay there thinking it was her fault.

Lauren: Death it is then (⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠)⁠>⁠⌐⁠■⁠-⁠■

Jess: I’ll grab the shovel, you bring the body bag.

Riley: Please girls don’t do anything we already broke up.

Lauren: You coming with us Liz?

Liz: If I go to prison, who’s gonna be your lawyer?

Riley: Girls please, I just want to forget everything okay. Just stop it.

Lauren: You will, you know what they say out of sight.

Jess: Out of mind

Yes, it was his fault. He was the one who cheated. But why am I the one still reading through our old texts? Looking at every single picture we took together. Still noting down his birthday on the calendar. Still holding onto the hope he’d come back.

December 10, 2024

Riley: When are you coming for your things?

Jax: Why are you so dense? Throw them out.

He’s already moved on and so easily too. But he was like smoking for me. Once you start----it’s hard to kick the habit. It doesn’t have a high or a feel good feeling. Just the lingering stink that clings to you like a second skin. And no matter how you fight you still crave it.

*1 new message*

Lauren: You better not be looking at those messages again. Don’t make me come over there.

Riley: I’m not

Lauren: Stop reading, let’s go out with the girls later okay?Remember out of sight, out of mind.

It’s easy for her to say, she’s never had to spend two thirds of her life on someone. Only for them to cheat on you with his ‘co-worker’ who ‘gets him’ and ‘knows him better than you do.’ To still be in love with them even afterwards. The irony. He'd always get mad whenever he saw me near any of my male co workers while out. He'd always interrogate me like I was guilty of betraying him only to end up being the one betrayed. He hasn’t even picked his stuff up from the apartment yet. I heard from Liz that he’s already living with her. “His dream girl”.

It sucks. Nothing was ever good enough, from the very start we should have jumped off this train wreak but we were in too deep. And one of us— one of us is still stuck in that ditch. “For the love of God, Riley if you’re reading those messages again, I swear to God.” Lauren rips the phone from my hands looking at the messages. Her face scrunches up .

“Give it back. I’ll stop”

“No, I’m going to do what you should’ve done in the first place.”

“Lauren?”

She fiddles with my phone for a few seconds handing it back to me. My phone so foreign to me seeing the empty chat log. And all it took was a few seconds. It didn't feel any better. I stared at her shocked and empty.

“What? It was bad for your eyes anyways.”

“What if he actually wants his stuff back?”

“You mean the old toothbrush, that stinky hoodie and that old indie band poster? Come on Riley just throw them out he gave you permission.”

She’s right somehow, what’s the point in keeping them? But what if he really does come back for them and find them gone, then what? I sighed, putting my phone in my pocket.