Circulating Regrets

The process of life is meant to be simple. A Man and woman are to leave their families and become one through marriage to start a family of their own. The man becomes the protector over his household. He is taught that he must provide, protect and love them until the day he dies no matter what price must be paid in order to do so.

Being a young man of good statue and brought up in a loving traditional family, Edwin easily understood the importance of loving support. His father had always been there for him and his family. His mother had worked outside of the house only when he was at school or away. She was always there for him if he needed her. Her only true duty was to love and tend to her husband and son. Any work beyond that for her was optional and a chance to get outside of the house.

Living in a quiet small town, Edwin was alone for most of his life. A couple children lived up the street from his and they played together from time to time. But for the most part he was outside on the porch reading up on science and nature. He loved the mysterious wonders of things unknown.

One of Edwin’s favorite past times was helping his father on medical papers and helping him calculate numbers and equations. He loved math as much as he did science. And to make matters better, he was brilliant in both categories.

By the time he was in junior high, Edwin was being noticed by top College programs throughout the country and asked to participate in scholarship programs that would give him a chance of receiving a full scholarship to the place of his choice. Before he had entered his senior year of high school, Edwin had been accepted to Stanford with a full ride. Shocking to his parents and friends, he passed on the grateful opportunity in order to attend the local university and stay close to home.

That next year, Edwin lived at home and attended College where he once again prospered above and beyond everyone’s expectations. Lucky to his proximity, the University was enriched with a very prestigious science department and offered many degrees within the science field. This is all Edwin needed in order to graduate with the knowledge needed in order to be successful in his career field of choice. He wanted to be in research and development.

The adventure of traveling and making discoveries had overwhelmed Edwin and all of his social activity in life. He was determined to move up the ladder in his career and be successful. From one promotion to the next, his parents slowly aged with their hopes diminishing from the hopes of ever seeing their son happy in life with anything else other than his lonely career.

A phone call was received that seemed to alarm Edwin one day. His father had been diagnosed with the flu, and was taken to the hospital due to breathing difficulties. Walking in the small home Edwin had called home his whole youth, he received two blessings from his father. Sitting in the recliner he used to bounce Edwin in his lap in when he was a boy, the old man told Edwin two things.

The first words that came from the old man’s mouth was that he and Edwin’s mother loved him very much. He told Edwin how proud he had made them, and much of a great man he thought Edwin had grown up into. The second part of the conversation was more of a request from the old man.

He looked his son in the eyes and asked him if he was happy. Upon Edwin’s response of yes and short response in why he was wanting to know, his father told him something more. He explained to Edwin the hope of insuring that he would one day be able to sit back and enjoy his own child the way he had been able to enjoy Edwin throughout his long life.

He told Edwin that he and his mother had been hoping that he would find someone who would bring him happiness so he could experience the love for another like they had throughout their long life together. Last but not least, the old man told Edwin that life was not meant to be easy, and that if it was, everyone would have a perfect life.

One moment life could be going perfect, and in the blink of an eye it can turn upside down for the worst. The only thing one can do to prepare themselves is to always be ready for the possible, and pray the impossible never happens. Edwin thought about the advice father was giving him, and never thought it was advice he would one day find himself dependent on.

Days went by since Edwin’s father returned home. His mother continued to keep him updated via phone on how weak he continued becoming. Breathing had become a challenge for him, and he was almost dependent upon laying at that point. Within a month, Edwin’s father passed.

Two days before he passed, Edwin introduced him to a young lady by the name of Lisa. Lisa and Edwin attended college together years before. He quietly explained to the old man that night him and Lisa came to visit that he had always had a crush on her, but never thought he had a chance because she was so beautiful. His father just winked at him as Lisa walked back into the room after sneaking off to the restroom for a second.

Even though it was only for a night, Edwin was always glad that Lisa had the pleasure of meeting his father. He regretted he had not had the courage to ask Lisa into his life sooner so that she could have had more time to get to know his father. He refused to waste any more time and finally understood what his old man was trying to explain to him through all the advice he had given him.

Life is too short to waste looking for things that really don’t matter. Success is great, but having someone to share your success with is greater. Edwin ask Lisa to marry him a couple months after the two had started courting. Lisa said yes, and Edwin was the happiest he had ever been.

Marriage in all areas was obsolete to Lisa. She had been raised in an orphanage and had been exposed to a lot of disappointment throughout her life from a family perspective. Her mother had become pregnant in high school and decided to give Lisa up for adoption instead of trying to raise her on her own.

The young woman had all good intentions on placing her infant in a better situation than what she would ever be able to provide for her. Little did she know her baby would never be matched with a family and sent into the system like many others. So sadly, the orphanage was all Lisa had known as a child.

Lisa knew she was going to marry Edwin and raise children of their own that would live the American dream. They would love them, provide for them, and give them everything she never experienced. This was Lisa’s dream.

The ceremony was beautiful. The couple were wed and headed off to Hawaii where they spent the whole week making love and watching the sun rise and set over the waters every day. While they were on their honeymoon, Lisa became pregnant with their first child.

After revealing this to both Edwin and his mother a couple pregnancy tests and months after, Lisa lost herself in complete happiness. Edwin and Lisa were both so excited about taking this next journey in their lives, even though it happened really fast. The future seemed so promising who would ever think of slowing in down for a second.

A couple more months passed, and Edwin and Lisa were growing more excited about meeting their baby for the first time. They had found out that they would be bringing a little girl into the world in a few more months, and decided to start preparing for her arrival.

Shortly after finding out Lisa was pregnant, they all decided the best move to make for Edwin’s mother was to sell her house and move her in with them so she could help them tend to the baby while they were working. With the money made from the house being sold, Edwin’s mother would be able to quit her part time jobs she always kept on the side for extra cash and watch little Sarah once she had made her arrival into the world. Eva, Edwin’s mother, had also told them Sarah would be all the attention and work she would need throughout the day regardless. She was so excited to be having a grandchild.

The time had come for Sarah to be born. Lisa was screaming in excruciating pain from her labor as Edwin and Eva gathered Lisa and the bags into the vehicle to head to the hospital. Three hours after arriving at the hospital, little Sarah was born. She was the most perfect thing Edwin had ever seen. Looking at his beautiful wife holding his perfect little girl in her arms, he promised himself that he would never let anything ever happened to wither of them. They were his world.

Life went on and Lisa soon started staying at home with Sarah and Eva. Eva was in heaven getting to see her grandbaby growing up. Lisa loved having the opportunity to spend time with her child at home and seeing her grow as well. She also felt blessed to have such a wonderful mother-in-law to help her throughout the day while Edwin was working.

A couple years later, Lisa conceived their second child. This time it was a little boy, and they called him Aaron. After Aaron made his way into the world, Sarah had a really hard time adjusting to no longer being the only child in the family and resented Aaron for the change.

Not a day went by that Sarah was not trying to take Aaron’s baby bottles and hide them, or root him out of her grandma or mother’s lap. She let it be known that she was first baby and at one time the only baby. Sarah was the life of the family.

It was around the time that Aaron was four and Sarah was six years old that life started to change. Everything had been so great up to that point. Edwin and Lisa were happily married, and Eva was healthy even though she had started experiencing problems due to her age. But things turned upside down for everyone when Eva was out pushing the two grandchildren on the swing one afternoon and had a stroke.

Lisa saw her go to the ground and ran out to bring her in and lay her down on the couch. She called Edwin after first calling 911, and he was on his way to the hospital to meet them there. Eva had experienced a heat stroke that day, and decided it was time to go be with her husband in heaven.

This really slowed things down for the whole family as they tried getting life back to the norm as much as possible. It was just hard to think that a loved one could be there and gone so fast. The thought of this was hard on Aaron when Lisa and Edwin had to explain to him where grandma was when he would ask. But things were really harder on little Sarah. She had become so close to her grandmother, and could not understand why she would just leave them like that.

Edwin and Lisa both tried comforting the children and each other as much as they could, but things just kept spiraling down in the opposite direction. Sarah had been sick with what the pediatrics said was the flu for a month. Lisa soon got suspicious after seeing her daughter almost lifeless on the couch for longer than she knew was normal with fever. She had to get another opinion.

Sarah had been taken to another children’s hospital where they had noticed that her white blood cells were decreasing significantly with no real answer as to why. After weeks of testing and observational nights spent in the hospital, the news was delivered. She had been diagnosed with leukemia.

In the matter of three months, Edwin had lost his mother and was now having to fight for the life of his little girl. Now he really understood what his old man was telling him about life, and how we should watch out for the possible and prepare for the impossible. He also now knew that his life was really about to turn upside down if he lost his baby girl.

Edwin looked at his little girl through the glass in the hospital and held Lisa in his arms. The two of them stood there in the hallway helpless for their child. What could they do? In an instance either of them would have taken her place. Edwin had failed, and he knew it. He looked at his wife and a tear ran down his cheek.

“I promised you one thing when I married you, and that was that I would always keep you and our family safe. I am failing Lisa,” Edwin said to her trying to regain his composure. “I cannot let something happen to my little girl like this. We have got to find a doctor who can fix this.”

“We will,” Lisa said to her husband. “We will find someone to help our baby.”

Time seemed to pass so slow as Sarah went from going into the hospital on a weekly basis for her chemo treatments, to finally becoming an impatient due to her slow decreasing health over that next year. Multiple pediatrics and oncologists had given their opinions and remedies to help cure Sarah, but nothing seemed to be helping.

Everyone was wasting Edwin’s time on giving him a cure for his child, and he refused to wait any longer. Edwin had traveled many times throughout different parts of the world for his career in medical research and development. He had seen many interesting things in life, and remembered one that always stayed in the back of his mind.

A couple years ago right before his mother had died, he had traveled to Japan and heard about a little village two hours outside Tokyo. On his leisure time on afternoon he took a tour to the village and was amazed at what he learned there. Not only were the individuals on another level of intelligence compared to the rest of the world, they had also shown him a substance that they had cured cancer with in the past.

He begged to know why they had not given the research to the outside world, but all they would tell him was that it was not as safe as it seemed to be. The risk of death was almost as high as success of being cured. But the only reason for this was due to their lack of advancements in technology at the village. And one thing every villager made clear with Edwin and everyone else there was that they would never neglect or leave the village and their heritage roots.

This meant that one would have to continue research with only a sample to go off of from the village. The village would allow no technology to be brought in that would influence the village on advancements in society. This could damage their cultural beliefs and way of life.

Edwin knew the only way he may be able to save his daughter was to go back and get a sample of that drug. Sarah was going to for sure die if she was not given a cure soon. The thought of having a fifty percent chance of Sarah surviving from this drug sounded like a win to Edwin at that point. He told Lisa what he was planning to do and make travel arrangements. He knew the drug was illegal, and that getting caught smuggling an illegal drug into the states would land him straight in jail. But he had no choice. It he had a chance to save his baby’s life, he had to take it. He promised to always protect her, and he must do just that. Against all odds, no matter the cost. That was his job as Lisa’s husband, and Sarah and Aaron’s father.

Edwin contacted a colleague he still reached out to from time to time to travel with him but return home separately in case of any hick ups and was soon on his was. Ray was the colleague who agreed to make the trip with Edwin and was fully aware of the whole situation. They had been good friends for quite some time, and Ray had been Edwin’s right hand man during any problematic times he had either with work or family.

Ray knew this was the only chance Edwin had in saving his little girl’s life, and was willing to take the journey every step along his side for support if nothing else. He had watched Sarah and Aaron grow up and loved them life his own.

They two of them soon landed in Tokyo and headed to the village in a small jeep. There was a doctor there that day giving injections of the drug, and the two men were able to see an injection that did not lead to death within minutes like the fatal dosages did. Edwin requested some of that dose left over from the same batch of the drug be given to him.

After explaining what they were for and their plan to smuggle the drug into the states to for Sarah, the villagers understood the courageous effort and determination of the father and close family friend. They explained the dosage amounts and sent them on their way.

Not knowing what to expect when going through customs security at the airport back in the states, the two men breezed right through like a couple of pros that had experienced the adrenaline rush a thousand times before. Reaching the doors that lead outside down in baggage claim, they were almost home free.

Now the last order of business was to pray that little Sarah would be made well by this dose she was about to receive. Her health had diminished so rapidly while Edwin had been gone that past week that the hospital sent her home. They figured she would be more comfortable spending her last days of life in her own home verses the hospital room.

She grinned as she saw her father walking up to her. He gave her the injection and started to cry not knowing what to expect. Everyone sit there looking at one another, praying the little girl would not start convoluting or fall over lifeless. An hour had passed and Sarah looked at her father with a smile on her face.

“Is this going to make me better Daddy?” the little voice said.

“I think it is going to baby,” Edwin said back to his little angel with tears in his eyes. He picked her up and walked outside with her to the front porch. They sat there in the swing with the sun raying down on their faces. Heaven seemed to be receiving the perfect view that afternoon from the loving family. Later that night, Sarah began to get better.

The next day, she got out of bed and was sitting back out on the swing when Lisa walked outside.

“What are you doing out here princess?” she asked Sarah.

“I love outside,” Sarah told her mother as she looked at her. “I never thought I would get to love it again.”

Lisa went and sat over on the swing by her daughter and they sat there for the whole morning. By that afternoon, Sarah felt good enough to run around in the front yard with her little brother. She had also had a rapid increase in her appetite. She was indeed, getting better.

The next week Lisa and Edwin returned to the hospital with Sarah for a checkup and to hope for a full medical release do to her improvements. The doctors were amazed at her recovery, and said it was a miracle. All they could deem her cure as was “An act of God”. After a couple tests and consultations, little Sarah was released and free to go.

Up to the point of Eva’s death, life had been a fantasy for Edwin and Lisa. All they had known was happiness and success in their short time together as man and wife. But after losing Eva then going through all the health problems with Sarah, life seemed to be viewed in a different way by the both of them.

Edwin wanted to spend more time with his family because he truly understood the importance of family and how quickly something you love can be ripped right away from you in a second. He even switched multiple careers in order to spend more time with them. Lisa looked at things quite differently. She wanted to be with the children every second, and time set aside for Edwin did not exist.

It was like she had remorse for herself for letting her daughter go through a pain that she had no control over. The only thing she did control was that she still blamed herself for some reason, even though Edwin told her time and time again she should not have done so. The only way she could make it right in her mind was to no waste another second with them. This began to cause a problem with Edwin and their marriage.

He would try to set up time for them to get away just for the evening and go to dinner and a movie, but Lisa refused. Lisa had been putting him through this since Sarah had first got sick. He understood that she wanted to stay by her side while she was sick, but it was time to give her some space and let her spread her wings. It was also time for them to get back to the norm and how they used to be long ago when everyone was happy.

Edwin put up with this for quite some time, and finally snapped. Working started to take over his life, and time spent at home was completely miserable due to Lisa yelling at him and shaming him for not coming home the night before when he could have but did not feel like making the long drive verses getting a hotel. Edwin would ask Lisa where they went wrong, and she would simply throw in his face that she was always busy with the kids and that she did not have time to go out on dates and sleep with him every night like people did in a perfect world.

Time continued to pass, and Edwin’s physical needs and desires began to take control of him. Almost every time he was out of town on business he would start sleeping with other women and going behind Lisa’s back. At first, he felt guilt in his actions and monogamy. But as time went on and Lisa kept getting more and more outrageous at home in her selfish ways, the less guilt he felt.

At some point, he started to want her to find out in hopes that maybe she would realize that she might lose him if she did not change. It came down when he did let her find out, and she threatened to take the kids away from him if he did not stop. In agreeance that they would both change their ways and do better for the whole family, Edwin stopped staying away so often and spent more time at home.

Lisa tried working on her attitude on the whole situation they had both driven themselves into and realized that it was just as much her fault as Edwin’s. They worked on their marriage for almost a year, but the misery just kept building. The tension was piling up so high once more, that Edwin was getting ready to crash.

He was going over his agenda with Lisa for the new evaluation he was getting ready to head at a hospital five hours away in another state. The thought of getting away for a couple days was thrilling to him. It would be a perfect chance to clear his head and re-evaluate his situation with Lisa.

Almost a year had passed since Edwin had given into his sexual needs, and was very vulnerable. Little did he know that this whole transition in time would forever change his life in so many ways.