This Ride is Dark

Sarah checked her rearview before leaving the car. She thought she looked pretty good, considering. She had the right amount of slutty for the job or least she thought so. A short skirt and a gauzy sheer blouse. Mind you, the slutty was just to distract. She also wore a jacket that seemed the sort of jacket a census worker might actually wear.

In addition, Sarah had a generic looking file folder that she’d copped down at City Hall. It contained the details of John Baldwin’s sad history and it was about to get sadder.

Sarah walked up to Mr. Baldwin’s front door and knocked. After about thirty seconds, a man in jeans and a white t-shirt answered. He was unshaven and his hair was scraggly. Cleaned up, he’d probably be a catch.

As he yawned and stretched, he said, “Yes, can I help you?” As he finished his question, he looked Sarah up and down and he became a whole lot friendlier.

“Yes, Mr. John Baldwin, I presume?”

He responded with a look of suspicion. “Awww jeez, what did I do now?”

“Far as I know, you haven’t done a thing, Mr. Baldwin. I’m with the Census Bureau and I’m just here to get some information. So, I wouldn’t worry. However, this may take a few minutes… so, can we go inside?”

John Baldwin still seemed suspicious like he might be in some sort of trouble. He’d been in trouble before, so he knew what that looked like. However, his innate drive to seduce women, no matter what the odds might be, got the better of him and he invited her in. What’s the worst that could happen? he asked himself.

He lead Sarah to the sofa in his surprisingly clean living room. She figured he’d be the slovenly sort. She sat down and set Baldwin’s file on the coffee table.

“Umm… mind if I clean up a bit?” Baldwin asked.

Sarah responded, “Sure, go ahead…” Baldwin’s history not only included animal abuse but also domestic abuse, so she felt a little nervous as to what he may have been up to. Another thirty seconds went by and out strode Baldwin in a loosely tied robe and what seemed to be little else.

Sarah calmed a bit. She’d dealt with horny guys before and he didn’t seem like much of a challenge, to be honest.

“Mr. Baldwin, I’m here to conduct a survey… you do realize that, right?”

He looked at Sarah and after a few seconds, let out a long disappointed sigh. He said, “Yes, umm…”

“Just call me Tammy, Mr. Baldwin.”

He said, “Yes… Tammy. I realize, of course. Go ahead and ask your questions…”

“So, you’re married?”

“I was once but I’m not now. I’m single and ready to mingle, know what I mean?”

Yes Mr. Baldwin, I and everyone else knows what you mean.

“According to these records that I have right here, you already have a wife here now living in this home. Here’s the thing: you need to be honest with us Mr. Baldwin. I take my job very seriously. And, it’s against the law to lie to a census official.” Sarah didn’t actually know this to be true but it seemed right at the time. She continued, “And maybe some women like being hit on by married men twice their age, but I’m not one of those women.” If John Baldwin were the angry violent type, Sarah was about to find out but he didn’t react like she thought he might.

He smiled and after a few seconds, said, “Listen, let’s finish this up. I have things to do.”

Sarah picked up her clipboard and prepared to jot down answers. "So, any other persons residing in this house?"

“Yes, me, my wife and daughter." He sighed.

"Any pets?"

"No."

"Ever own a dog, Mr. Baldwin?"

“Uhh, sure,” he said slowly.

"Do you like dogs, Mr. Baldwin?"

"Yeah... why do you care and what’s this have to do with the Census?” He began eying Sarah with increasing suspicion.

Sarah reached into her bag and pulled out a piece of paper which she then unfolded. "According to this news story from your hometown, you used a puppy for target practice, blinding it, whereupon you left it to die."

Baldwin looked startled. “What… what are you talking about? How would you know…?” He cut himself off.

"I told you Mr. Baldwin. I'm with the Census. Now, please, let me continue. In Flagstaff in 1997, you were arrested for animal cruelty concerning your then wife Bonnie, her cat and a microwave."

He interrupted, “Are you a cop? You sound like a cop, it must be illegal to pretend to be a Census worker. I want you to leave!"

"Oh, Mr. Baldwin, I am sorry. I really am with the Census, I showed you my ID. Please, only a few more questions and we'll be done." Or at least, you'll be done.

"Now, based on your earnings, which group do you belong to?" I pointed to the income range section which had five different ranges. John Baldwin pointed to the second and I checked it off.

"Your occupation?"

"I work at the DMV."

"So, I'll check off office, right?" He nodded. "Your age?"

"52. You know, I had a dog a few years back. I don't hate dogs."

I ignored his fake dog love. "And, I'm assuming caucasian in the race section?" He nodded. He was beginning to calm down.

"Okay, one more thing. We need a picture. If you could stand over there.” Sarah pointed at the end table next to the sofa. "And if you could hold this." She gave him a flashbulb looking device with a long cord. She inserted the plug in to the wall socket and then accidentally on purpose dumped the contents of my water glass at his feet.

"Whoa, lady! Take it easy."

"I'm sorry. Anyway, let's get this picture taken. It's only from the neck up so no worries on the mess. I'll clean it up for you afterwards.” She lied.

His phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket. He glanced at it and shoved it back in his pocket. He said, “Sorry, it’s my daughter letting me know she’ll be home soon. She’s a good kid.” Sarah let that sink in for a moment.

She then backed up, pointed her phone at John Baldwin and pressed the button. The flash flashed, John Baldwin crumpled to the floor, and he quickly died. A metallic smell filled the air. Sarah unplugged the lamp and took it to my car. She then brought in an identical lamp, only this one was pre-fried for the occasion. After removing the flash cord from the wall, Sarah plugged in the new lamp and set it in the same location as the other lamp. She'd spent about a minute wiping down any possible surfaces she may have touched.

Ready to leave, Sarah looked down at John Baldwin, his dead eyes staring at the wall. She checked herself in the foyer mirror and walked out John Baldwin's front door.