Chapter 1 - April
Entering my bookstore, I noticed my new employer, Clarie, was struggling with a customer's order. Claire was hired last week, and normally, there will be someone else with her. But that person called up sick this morning, so it was just me. Jumping in, I helped her.
"So when we finalise a customers order that we had to order in, just click this button here and scan the books," I said, grabbing the scanner and pressing the button.
The beeping sound was heard, and I showed Claire how to make a note in the system as well that it had been picked up. Claire finished with the customer, thanking the customer before turning to me.
"Thank you.." she said, cutting herself off as my older brother Tristian walked in. "Who is that?" She asked.
"That's my brother," I replied before walking over to Tristian.
"Hey, Tris," I greeted him with a warm smile, setting aside the task at hand.
Tristian nodded in response, his gaze scanning the shelves of books before settling on me. "What's up, little sis?"
I had asked my older brother to meet me here as I know that what we were about to discuss was going to be hard on him and me. My childhood was anything but simple or great. I was the youngest 6 siblings, and our mother was an alocholic. I was the face of my mothers wrath. My mother would constantly abuse me or exploit me whenever she could. Trisitan did his best to help me and protect me, but she always managed to harm me in some way.
Tristian ended up leaving with me when he was 18 and joined a motorcycle club in Hunter Valley where he did his best to keep me safe, but my trauma always stuck with me. My childhood had left me with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. A few years after we moved here, I started falling for Luca, who is Tristian's boss. Luca knew of my trauma and became by safe haven if Tristian wasn't there.
Luca and I started dating a year and a half ago. He honestly makes me so happy and safe. He does anything he can to keep me safe and feel safe, especially at his motorcycle club, as a lot of randoms stop by for a drink.
"Clarie, you can go on your break for an hour if you would like," I said, noticing the Claire was still standing around.
Claire nodded, leaving Tristian and I alone as I leaned against the counter. I began to play with my hair, a nervous habit I do. My sister Renee reached out to me about seeing Mum for her birthday, and my other siblings Scott, Skylar, and Andrew agreed to it but were waiting for myself and Tristian to agree.
"So, Renee, Skylar, Scott, and Andrew were thinking of seeing mum for her birthday," I began twirling the pen around on the desk.
Our mother had also just gotten out of rehab, Tristian's brows furrowed, a shadow passing over his features. "No," he said flatly, his voice leaving no room for argument.
My eyes widened in surprise. "But Tris—"
He cut me off with a bitter laugh. "Don't be naive, April. You were physically, mentally, and sexually assaulted our mother. She would bring men home to pleasure themselves with you. I was the one mending you, trying to protect you. I cradled you while our siblings did nothing. I was the one who took you to the doctors and had to explain everything. I had to watch as you fought the male doctors because you didn't want anyone to touch you. We are not going!" He put his foot down
I signed softly, I know. I remember it all too well, but she's been in rehab and in a mental hospital for a few years getting better. "I know, but she's still our mother. Maybe we could—"
Tristian's patience snapped like a taut wire. "Grow the hell up, April! She doesn't deserve our time or attention. Let her rot wherever she is," he spat out, his voice rising with each word.
I recoiled as if physically struck, my eyes welling with tears. Without a word, I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door before calling out to Claire that I was leaving. Tristian called out for me, but I ignored him. I just wanted to know why it was me she hated. Why. All I got from her was that it was my fault that our father had left. But it couldn't have been just me.
The roar of my motorcycle thundered through the air as I rode, the wind whipping her hair back. Tears streaked my cheeks as I navigated the streets, my heart heavy with the weight of Tristian's harsh words.
My phone buzzed incessantly in my pocket, but I ignored it, the road ahead commanding my full attention. Each passing mile was a blur of asphalt and emotion, my thoughts a tumultuous storm. Finally, I arrived at my small apartment block, my hands trembling as I dismounted my bike.
Stumbling into my small apartment, I collapsed to my knees before crying hard. Letting out all my emotions, Tristian never once yelled at me. Not even when I was young. He knew that yelling was a ripple for me. My phone continued to ring, the sound piercing the heavy silence of the room. I made no move to answer it as I curled into myself, seeking solace in the quiet darkness of my apartment.
****
I stood in my kitchen, the fluorescent light buzzing overhead casting an eerie glow. I tossed the pork chops into the sizzling pan, the sound of them searing filling the room. Each spat and crackle seemed to echo the turmoil in my mind after the argument with Tristian. As I seasoned them with a touch of aggression, flashes of my mother's angry face intruded upon my thoughts, a haunting reminder of a past she couldn't escape.
After the meal was prepared, I sat down and enjoyed my dinner, the only sound of the clinking of cutlery against the plate. My hands trembled as I washed the dishes, the hot water scalding my skin. It was a punishment that my mother also did for me, so i barely felt it whenever my hand was in hot water. Looking up at my reflection in the soapy water, I saw a tired, pale version of myself staring back, haunted by memories I couldn't erase.
When I retreated to my bedroom, exhaustion weighed heavy on me, but sleep brought no comfort. Tossing and turning under the blankets, I was consumed by nightmares of my childhood, the walls of my room seeming to close in around me. The image of my mother's rage loomed over me, a spectre from the past that refused to release its grip.
Suddenly, I jerked awake with a strangled scream, heart racing in my chest. Gasping for air, I felt as if unseen hands still clutched at my throat. Glancing at the clock, its red numbers glared 2:37 am back at me, I knew sleep wouldn't come easy again. Not unless I had him. Luca.
Luca was my safety net. He was the only person other than Tristian I could count on to save me or make me feel safe. He knew my childhood. He knew what happened. With trembling fingers, I reached for my phone and dialled Luca's number. As I waited, tears streamed down my face.
"April," his groggy voice answered, the sound a lifeline in my panicked state. "What's wrong, my love?"
"I-I'm sorry," I managed to choke out between shallow breaths, my voice barely a whisper.
Luca's response was immediate, his tone firm yet soothing. "I'm on my way. Just breathe, darling," he urged, the rustling of movement on the other end indicating he was getting ready to come to my rescue.
Minutes felt like hours as I paced my room, trying to calm myself down the best I could without having someone by me, the memories of my past swirling around her like a dark vortex. The distant sound of a knock at my door shattered the oppressive silence, and I hurried to open it, finding Luca standing there, worry etched into his features.
Without a word, Luca enveloped me in a tight embrace, his warmth and strength a comforting presence in the midst of my turmoil. I clung to him, tears streaming down my face as I let out a shuddering breath. In that moment, I felt the weight of my nightmares slowly lift, replaced by the grounding presence of Luca by my side.
Leading me to the couch, Luca sat down beside me, an arm draped protectively around my shoulders. The tension in the air seemed to dissipate as I leaned into his solid frame, finding solace in his presence.
"Thank you," I murmured softly, her voice filled with gratitude and relief as she rested her head against his chest.
"You don't ever have to thank me," Luca whispered, gently pressing his lips onto mine. In a soft and warm kiss. "It's what I'm here for. Are you okay?" He asked as he wiped stray tears from my cheeks.
"Just a rough day with everything. Tristian and I had a fight about our mum, and everything came crashing down. The reminders, the memories. Everything," I said, feeling my heart pound.
Luca held me tighter in his embrace, his lips touching my hair while he soothed my back. As exhaustion washed over me, I closed my eyes, safe in the embrace of the man who had become my beacon in the dark. In the quiet of the night, I drifted into a peaceful sleep, the sound of Luca's steady heartbeat lulling me into a realm of tranquillity I thought I might never find again.
