Chapter 1
I’m running, running, I can’t run fast enough. Someone's chasing me. They know what I did and now they're coming for me. I turn and run down a dark alley, trash everywhere I look. I can’t catch my breath soon enough. My foot snags on a rock, I go tumbling down, there’s a searing pain in my knee.
He caught up with me, his broad shoulders, his face hidden behind a mask. He pulls something sharp and shiny out of his pocket; a knife. He pulls it back, ready to strike.
“No, no, please, I didn’t do anything!” I try to scream, but I can’t.
“Ally, wake up!” My mom shrugs me awake.
“Wh-what happened?” I sit up in bed still shaking from what happened. I need to get him out of my head, he’s not going to find me again.
“You had a nightmare or possibly a panic attack. Have you been taking your medication?”
“Y-yeah.”
I lied straight through my teeth, I know I should’ve been taking it, but I can’t seem to keep anything down.
“Why don’t you get some more sleep, I’ll come wake you up in a little bit so you can finish packing.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I try to fall back asleep but I can’t. That dream, nightmare, panic attack, whatever it was, I know it's not going to let me sleep again.
I lay on my linen sheets, my head barely on the pillow. I keep staring at the clock anxiously waiting for my mom to walk in and wake me up.
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It's about eight thirty when my mom comes into my room. I hear her knock on the door and faster than a bullet I turn with my back to the door and shut my eyes tight. My mom is the strongest person I’ve ever met, but for her to find out I haven’t been sleeping, eating, or even taking my medication would tear her apart. The past months have already torn her apart enough and I don’t want to see her go through that again.
“Ally, honey,” she says as she strokes my head. “Time to get up.”
“Mhm.”
I take my time to get out of bed. I look around my room, the same room that used to be filled with posters, paintings, and photos, which is now just an empty room, waiting to be left alone. I walk to my closet and observe what's still left. I put on my favorite pair of boyfriend jeans, a white crop top, and the sweatshirt I got when my mom and I went to the California coast.
I shuffle my feet to the bathroom to finish getting ready. I brush my teeth, put on mascara, and finish my look off with a messy bun, strands of my auburn hair hanging out.
I go downstairs for breakfast, my mom is already at the table. She’s drinking coffee out of her favorite cup that has a picture of me, my mom, and my dad on it.
My dad died when I was really little from a motorcycle crash. My mom always warned him to be careful and only take it on joy rides, but one day he took it too far. He was going well over the speed limit, lost control and went straight into a tree. They rushed him to the hospital, but they said it was too late. He died from internal bleeding.
“So, how’d you sleep?” She asked.
“I slept fine, I guess.” Another lie.
“I’m glad to hear. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“Not really, mom,” I say as I take a bite of my blueberry pancakes.
“Well, okay. The movers are coming at ten, so I want you to be packed and ready before then. I was planning on leaving a little after they get here if that's okay with you?”
“Yeah, that’s fine, I’ll be ready.”
I finish my breakfast and head upstairs to pack the rest of my stuff. Starting with my bed, I strip the sheets and gather the loose pills on my nightstand. I migrate to my closet to pack the rest of the stuff up. As I open the doors an overwhelming feeling comes over me when I see the one box I’ve been avoiding. I grab the box, ready to throw it away, when I see the corner of something sticking out. I pull it out, and at first glance, I come crashing to the ground.
“Are you okay honey? What was that sound?”
“I’m fine mom, it was nothing.”
I am not fine, and it was not nothing.
I look at the picture again. That picture is the only thing that knows how to make my world fall apart. It's a picture of Olivia, Jackson, Jace, and I. We were at the end of the school year carnival. I hated that day, I knew everything that was going on and everything that was going to happen.
I stuffed the picture in my back pocket and finished getting the rest of my stuff packed. I took all the clothes and boxes from my closet, cleaned out my desk, and got the rest of the books on my bookshelf.
“Are you ready, Ally?” My mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs, even though she knew I should already be ready.
“Yeah, I'll be right down,” I say as I shut my door and head for the stairs. “Come on, Milo.”
Milo is our Australian Shepherd and the cutest one you’ve ever seen.
“Alright, honey, the movers will get the rest of the stuff and head over to the house.”
“Ok, mom.”
I took one more look at our house before heading out the door. Outside was the front walkway I remember scraping my knee on when I was twelve trying to catch a butterfly. In the driveway was the moving truck with my small silver car attached to the back and my mom’s black SUV.
“You up for a cup of coffee on the way?”
“Always,” I said with a forced smile.
As we pulled out of the driveway and down the street, I slowly watched our house fade out of view. We drove down the street I had lived on, biked on, and drove on. Just for me to screw it all up and have to leave everything behind.
On our left, a couple of houses down from ours, is the Robinson’s house. They were always so nice to me, inviting me in. Ms. Robinson would also make my favorite sugar cookies for me on days I was feeling down.
Across the street was the house where the little boy would always want to play catch with me; I wish now just one time I would’ve said yes.
We reached the end of the street as my mom made a right turn and headed away from my childhood.
