Food poisoning is never the best gift
My new neighbor was a witch. I came to this conclusion early one morning when I stepped out onto my porch and looked over to see my new neighbor’s brand-new house. A house that hadn’t been there the previous evening; on land that had never before been cleared. Land that was wooded and marshy, and wet for eight months out of the year; and frozen solid under three feet of snow for the other four.
Now, instead, a large two-story Victorian with a steep gabled roof, large dormers and a round corner tower was sitting in the middle of a perfectly manicured lawn.
The vision had stunned me so completely that I turned and marched back into the seven-bedroom farmhouse that I had inherited several years before. I lived alone, but my door was always open to my large extended family, and it was customary that there would be at least one or two of them lounging about. It didn’t feel like a home without them.
Heading to my main-floor bedroom, I pushed open the door and crept up to the bed. Naomi was snuggled down within the blankets with the most peaceful expression upon her sleeping face. She was a beautiful woman with dark skin, full lips, and a headful of wild and crazy curls. For a moment I considered leaving her alone, before I leapt clumsily on top of her, straddling her prone body and rudely awakening her.
“Seriously, what the fuck Caleb?” She’d snapped at me with her deliciously haughty British accent, clearly not appreciating the wake-up call I had so selflessly provided. In response I rubbed my scruffy beard across her face as she struggled to wiggle her captive arms out from beneath the covers. Before she could push me off, I brushed the wild curls back from her forehead before honoring her with a loud, and unappreciated zerbert.
I rolled to my side as she pushed me away, and she turned towards me in the dark, our faces mere inches from one another. “What Goddess awful time is it?” she’d asked, as she searched my face.
“Hmm…” I mused. “Sometime after five, I think?” I leaned over and licked the tip of her nose. I had it on good authority that she despised it when I did that, but that was the price you paid when you fooled around with your best friend.
“Have you gone mad?” She immediately sat up to face me, the covers falling down, revealing the skimpy nightie she was wearing. Somehow it had reappeared during the night, as I had a fond memory of previously slipping it off of her.
Over time, I had expertly come to deduce that the bedclothes she wore directly coincided with whether or not I would be getting lucky. Last night for instance there had been sexcapades, hence the little negligée. If she happened to climb into my bed wearing sweatpants, I knew it was a cold shower kind of night. The jury was still out however, when it came to her wearing one of my shirts as a nightgown. A night like that I’d found, could swing either way.
“Yes dear, completely bonkers. I’m fit to be tied, if you’d care to indulge.”
To my surprise, she slid on top of me and pulled my hands up above my head, pinning them there as she leaned down to kiss me. She started at my forehead, before working her way down my face with gentle barely-there kisses. She purposely bypassed my lips, teasing instead by letting her hot breath linger before continuing past. When she reached my jaw, she let her lips graze along my neck sending wonderful shivers down my body as she nibbled enthusiastically on my Adam’s apple.
Before she continued further, I whispered gently in her ear. “Thought you might like to know that we have new neighbors.”
“They have a fucking gazebo.”
We were standing in my kitchen, I was in boxers and a t-shirt, Naomi had wrapped a little robe around herself and was now peering out the window at the house across the way while I brewed coffee. My French press made exactly enough for two. “Seriously, is that what you’re taking away from all of this? A house randomly appears out of nowhere and you’re shocked by the fact that they have a gazebo?”
“No. Of course I find the whole situation entirely bizarre.” She moved to stand behind me, pressing her face against my back as she wrapped her arms around me. “It’s just that I always wanted a gazebo.”
When the coffee was brewed, we stepped out onto the porch. I held the screen door open as she passed, and we settled down into a pair of chairs to stare at the new building in fascination.
“That’s lovely, that,” Naomi was sipping her brew. “I think there may be hope for you yet.”
“Good to know that if I ever lose my shirt, I can always fall back on my skills as a barista.”
“Mmm… I actually like it when you lose your shirt.” She playfully stroked my bare thigh.
“Careful.”
“Do you think we should bake them a pie?” She looked rather serious. “Wouldn’t that be the neighborly thing to do?”
I decided to play along. “I suppose that depends on which one of us makes the pie. Your cooking is shit, and food poisoning is never the best gift.”
She stuck her tongue out at me in a very lady-like fashion. “Of course, by we, I meant you.” She looked at me seriously then. “You know Caleb, one day you are going to make an excellent wife.”
I dropped my gaze and tried not to let on how painful the little dig was. The truth was that I would be delighted to make someone a wonderful wife, or preferably a husband someday. While most of my family were already happily bonded, at twenty-eight I had yet to find my mate. I immediately changed the subject. “Seriously though, are we thinking witches?”
She nodded. “I am thinking a whole damn coven.”
While we sat, daybreak arrived and after finishing our coffee, we dressed and I headed out to the stable, while Naomi took a basket and went out to the orchard. Apparently, she was serious about me baking a pie. Whether or not it made its way to the neighbors would be anyone’s guess.
I owned eighty acres of land, which backed onto a lake and a wildlife preservation. Land that had belonged to my family for more than five generations. On roughly eight of those acres, I ran a small hobby farm. The rest of my acreage was left untouched for the wildlife: the rabbits and rodents, the wild turkey and pheasants, the white-tailed deer, and the wolves. Especially the wolves.
Down at the stable, I let the horses out into the upper pasture where they’d spend the rest of their day. I had six mares, four of them rescues and one intellectually challenged nannie goat named Lulu-Belle. Come late afternoon, I would put our pups to work in the stable. It was their responsibility to muck out the stalls in preparation for the evening. This weekend I planned on putting them to work in the orchard where I had apple and pear trees ready to be picked.
Most summers they stayed with me. I had six guest rooms setup upstairs. Three contained queen-sized beds for couples. Two rooms hosted two singles each, and the last room held two bunk-beds. Next week however, they were back in school, and they’d spend less time visiting, and I knew I was going to miss them.
Later that afternoon, I was in the kitchen rolling out dough for pie crust. At the table behind me I had recruited Naomi and one of the pups, Beatrix, to peel and slice the apples needed for the three pies that I was making. When Naomi pretended to not be looking, Beatrix would feed me apple slices, that she popped into my mouth because my hands were covered with flour. Apples were one of my favorite things, so much so that when I was a boy my parents had planted our small orchard.
“If you keep spoiling him like that, we’ll never be done.”
There was a quick rap upon the screen door before two of my pack members, both men that I had grown up with, came striding in. Ben was oversized like me, easily six foot four. He had dark skin and closely cropped hair. Jonah was his almost polar opposite. He was barely five ten and had an unruly mess of dirty blond hair. The only thing they had in common—other than their love for one another—was that they both had fabulous green eyes. Ben went immediately to the table to steal apple slices, while Jonah came over to poke fun at the colorful apron I was wearing. He slipped his arms around my waist before pulling me out to dance with him to a song that only he could hear.
“Hands off you,” Naomi scolded, slapping Ben’s hands away.
“Who me?” Jonah asked, his green eyes twinkling as he feigned surprise. “I thought the Alpha was fair game.” he attempted to dip me; however, I was almost twice his size, so I spun him around and dipped him instead leaving flour handprints on the back of his shirt.
Naomi gave Beatrix a look of disgust which made the curly-haired eleven-year-old giggle. “No, that you can keep. I was talking about our precious apple slices. At this rate I’ll be back to picking apples before we’re done.”
When I pulled myself free and went back to my pie dough, Jonah danced up to Beatrix with his hand extended. “C’mon Trixie,” he called out as he badly boogied at her side. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
With pies in the oven, I was now seasoning steaks and preparing for the barbeque when my screen door swung open, and a red-haired, freckled-faced boy came strolling in. “Hey Alpha,” he said as he helped himself to an apple from the bowl on the table.
“Hey Brady. You got the stables mucked out?”
“Yep.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You are going to wash up before eating that, right?” He sighed but placed the fruit down and disappeared.
The door swung open again. “Hey Alpha,” this time a freckled-faced, red-haired boy came strolling in.
“Hey Brady-two.”
He groaned and gave me a dirty look. He was reaching for a pear. “Ha, ha. Very funny. You know it’s Brody.” He was only eleven, but I could already hear the teenager rattling on the bars to get out.
I shrugged. “I figure if your parents can be lazy then so can I.”
He gave me a disgruntled look. “My parents aren’t lazy.”
“Dude, when they named you, they only changed a vowel.” He stuck his tongue out at me as Brady returned. I pointed towards the bathroom. “Now go wash.” Brody sighed but did as he was told.
“Alpha? I have a question.” Brady said as he took a seat at the table.
“Just one I hope, because after that I have to start charging.” The door opened again and this time a surge of people came flooding in. Naomi, Gillian, and Jackson had gone to the city to pick up groceries. Well, the girls had gone for groceries. Jackson had gone to make sure they brought back more than just wine. He was carrying two cases of beer. Behind them, Jonah and Ben followed, and my empty house had now become a home.
“Can goats swim?” Brady took a bite out of his apple. His twin came running back in to grab his pear.
“Are you asking if goats in general can swim? Or are you asking if my goat can swim? Because we both know that she’s special.” It was a weird question, but perhaps they were studying goats in school? “Yeah, goats can swim, but it isn’t something they enjoy.”
“Told ya,” Brody sounded smug. I raised my eyebrow, and thought that I should perhaps ask more, but the boys took their fruit and headed upstairs.
“You got the grill going?” Jackson was unpacking burgers and hotdogs to go along with the steaks.
“Yup. You want the honor?”
“Yep.”
I nodded. Jackson thought he was the grill king. Fine by me. That meant I could have a beer and relax.
“Alpha, Alpha,” Beatrix was standing in the doorway, breathless. The tops of her cheeks were flushed pink. She must have been running. “Come quick.”
I looked longingly at the beer I had just opened. “What’s up Trix?” But she had already run outside. I looked at the other adults and shrugged as I set down my beer. “Duty calls.”
Before I’d made my way to the door, Trixie was back in the entrance. “Hurry!” she stomped her foot at me. “It’s an emergency.”
“Oh. Well, why didn’t you say.” I glanced at the party behind me. “It’s an emergency.”
