Introduction
Love.... they talk about it like it’s some magic for a lifetime... like it’s all sunshine, rainbows, and puppies. That someone will come around to sweep you off your feet and dance around with you like they just won the lottery. Or that human connection might just somehow be more important than anything on Earth. But they’re all wrong, It’s like nothing in the movies. Honestly, I despise them. They’re full of unrealistic scenarios, and fake moments. None of that mushy shit happens. Like the boy gets the girl, or the orphaned attic girl is the lost princess. The boy doesn’t hold open doors or bring you flowers just because. Marriage isn’t a perfect nine-to-five white picket fence. You don’t have a lovely morning breakfast together then take the kids to school. No, you’ll get lucky if he hugs you for that day. OR if you haven’t been in the same room with him all day he will want to “hang out” with you. Who am I kidding though, that shit you see in movies or read in love stories, none of that is even remotely true. And those who have real love, well isn’t it obvious they are part of the simulation I am in? No honest person gets true love for real, men nor women don’t put that much effort into showing someone they love or care for them to that extreme. That stuff is for the books or the hopeless dreamers... Hate to say I’m one of them... well, let me rephrase, I was one one time. Not anymore. If I have anything to say about love it’s that it doesn’t exist. Not for me anyway. Let me be honest though, as cliche as it sounds I would love to be the orphaned girl in the attic who is the lost princess. Or the girl who has a man fall in love with her, while she’s on an adventure to rescue her troubled sister, I would love for a man to bring me flowers just because or plan a whole day around us just because he wants to spend real quality time with me. Because he enjoys my presence. But do you see a pattern here, all the stuff I just described is movies. Nothing like that happens in real life.
I’m sorry, Let me formally introduce myself before I trauma dump. My name is Katherine, Katherine Phillips. I am Twenty- Three and honestly over life. This was supposed to be my suicide note. But it turned into a diary entry instead. Might as well add the date. It’s Tuesday, March Twenty-second twenty, twenty-three, approximately around Five-O- Eight AM. A school night nonetheless. I have finals around eight a.m., and instead of sleeping, I am here at my desk writing this... Maybe this is why love like in the movies doesn’t exist for me because I’m “Crazy.” as the men would call it. Probably some women too. But I like to use the word passionate. Passionate about my work, and my hobbies, and passionate about the people I allow in my life. With the way this entry is going, you would think I’m single. Ha, well guess again, I do have a special someone in my life. But, things are complicated right now. I am starting to think his feelings for me are a ploy. Or maybe he thinks we aren’t meant to be together, so he treats me this way so I end things and he has an easy way out... I don’t know. Maybe I am crazy.
But who am I to judge myself... besides, we need a little crazy in this world. Everyone else is too uppity and thinks their better than everyone else. I would rather be average and a little bit, well not my favorite choice of words, but “Unstable.” than to be like everyone else. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, that not only is love not real In this life, but it’s wrong to have emotions and to react to the way things make you feel. It’s like others have a set mindset on how you’re supposed to react to things, making my feelings on that topic irrelevant, or worse like I am a monster for even thinking that way. It’s crazy the world we are living in nowadays. Men controlling women, or women controlling men. Cheaters cheat because they have issues with their lovers & instead of communicating the issues & trying to fix things. Women, men, and children were trafficked for other pleasures or slavery. It makes me all sick. If there is a heaven, I would like to have a nice long chat with God about why the world has to be so fucked up. He suffered for our sins, but I feel we suffer more because he sacrificed himself. Come to think of it, I wasn’t even born or even a spec of someone’s mind before all this supposedly happened. But if there isn’t & life is a simulation I’d still like to meet the sick fuck that thinks all this is funny, programming the world to be so sadistic and cruel. I have always found it funny I have to live, work, suffer, & struggle. Just for it to not matter in the end when I die, we can’t take our money with us, or our house. We just stop existing entirely. And sometimes, that’s scarier than not finding true love. Again, I am sorry to traumatize you. I’m not keeping you though, you’re more than welcome to close the book and carry on about your life. I won’t be offended. I’m used to saying goodbye.
However, if you stay it’s now Five Twenty-Five AM. I should end this and go to sleep. So I can at least put in some sort of effort toward my finals. I mean my Grandfather didn’t put thousands of dollars into my college fund just for me to flunk and disappoint him in his ripe old age. A little background on myself, before I head to bed. I was born into a poor family, my mother was a dining waitress who relied on tips for our well-being, food, gas, necessitates, anything you can think a modern household family needs. Now as for my father, He was a deadbeat piece of shit, who left my mother when they were nineteen and twenty, she to raised me all by herself. Luckily she had wonderful parents who took her in and were very supportive. They helped her pay expenses and other necessities she needed to take care of and provide for me. I guess you can say I got the shitty part of the love stories and movies you hear about. My mother is still around if that’s what you wondering, she’s the new owner of that run-down diner where she always worked. Why am I at college, you are probably wondering? Well, if you need to know, I want to be an Art Major. I love art, I am very passionate about it. Now yes, I love your basic artists Vincent Van Gogh, Leanardo De Vinci, and Pablo Picasso. But my real love is for the more underrated artists such as Mary Cassatt, Rachel Ruysch, and my favorite Theodore Gericault. His painting ” The Raft Of The Medusa” The amount of drama and tragedy you can feel from looking at the picture is amazing. The Painting created such unforgettable Chaos That it was hidden away from the citizens as a scandal. Five Fourty-Seven. Alright, I am wrapping it up here. Wish me luck. I’ll need it.
