The Nerd 3: - Second Chance at Love

ROMAN

I couldn’t believe she left me.

The love of my life left me. And she took everything with her.

I felt so numb and empty.

After the ambulance arrived, it was already too late to save her. She was gone. I watched as they took her body away to the morgue.

I still had the tiniest hope that my mind was playing a bad joke on me. And that all I’m seeing in front of me was just a bad dream. I couldn’t move from where I was, but I moved, somebody moved me.

I was now sitting in one of our SUV’s following the ambulance back to the hospital morgue. My dad and Juan went to the emergency room for treatment, as I stood there watching them take her body away.

To a cold place where there is no warmth.

This feeling I didn’t want it.

I couldn’t live without her.

Three days later, we held a funeral for her. She looked so peaceful. When I touched her face, it was cold, her whole body was.

When they were putting her down in the hole, my dad had to drag me up to place the rose on her coffin. I didn’t want to, then it will be a permanent goodbye. I wasn’t ready yet, but the undertakers had a job to do.

I fell to my knees and cried.

Screaming to the top of my lungs.

I didn’t give a shit, to who thinks I was malfunctioning. I still couldn’t come to terms with reality.

I just can’t.

Juan and my father carried me back to the house. This place was now lifeless, it didn’t feel like a home. It was missing her. The pictures of my beautiful angel still hung on the wall. Her smile shining brighter than a candle fly.

Lorie came running out to me asking for mommy. I was fighting back the tears. I don’t want her to see me cry. How do I explain to my princess that her mommy died.

Juan took Lorie and my father came and stood next to me.

“I don’t want you for one minute, blame yourself for this. She wouldn’t want you to. We all will miss her son. She was like my daughter. Loving someone is never easy because one day we will lose them. It hurts when that special someone is gone. I cannot tell you I know what it feels like, because I don’t. But I would tell you this."

"Candy grew on all of us, it was the first time I’ve seen you smile and laugh the way you did. All because of her. It was unfortunate that your mother had a part to play in her death. Son, your wife might not be here in flesh, but she will always be in spirit. Please find some semblance because you have your daughter to live for.”

Why don’t you understand dad, I have nothing!

“You have Lorie. Roman I beg of you, think about your daughter, you have her to live for. Don’t let her see you like this. I’m not saying keep what happened to her mom a secret. No. I’m saying, you have us to support you and be there for you. Just think about what I said.”

I popped open bottles of whiskey and drank it like juice. I needed something to numb the pain away. My mind started getting fuzzy, so I know the alcohol is kicking in.

I opened draws upon draws looking for something stronger. These bottles just weren’t strong enough. And as if the angel of death was answering my prayers, I pulled out a Glock 18.

Candy, I’m coming, we’ll be together soon.

I went back out to the SUV taking the gun I had found in the draw compartment and pop open a bottle of whiskey. If I had to leave here, I would be leaving with a bang.

Lorie princess, you would be safe with grandpa. Daddy is going to meet mommy in fairy land.

I took one last look at the sky and smile to myself as I raised the gun to my head.

“ROMAN! Don’t do it!"

Dad?

Juan?

I’m sorry it must be done.

BANG!

I felt the pain alright, but it wasn’t to the head. My side was burning, dark spots started appearing in my vision. Didn’t I shoot myself? I couldn’t keep myself up, I was going down and so was my eyes. Darkness.

“Roman?”

"Candy?"

“Hey baby, I’m so sorry."