Dear Who?

I was at my worst, trying to find light I stepped into one after another, trying to escape from the reality, trying to find myself, trying to chase the so-called happiness thinking I might escape from this darkness. Caring and patience person, I met you. Our first meet; my dull expression, heart filled with grieve, sleepless face but had this thought “Cute!” when I saw you. Wondering what was your first thought when you saw me. My dark room slowly began to fill with light, I wasn’t sure where the light was coming from. Talking to you everyday cheered up my mood. Didn’t realize since when I commenced to wait for you. The time that you came, my eyes repeatedly reached to the door expecting to see you. And the moment it was actually you, my lips carved a curve. Waiting for you became more interesting, sometimes annoying. Thinking you won’t be present today would make me feel unexpectedly annoying. But when my phone got a notification from you, again my breath leaves with comfort.

Smiling at your text, I didn’t even realize it until someone pointed at me. Laughed at it saying it wasn’t anything but maybe that’s when I started to develop a different feeling. Days passed by, talking to you was the favorite part of mine to do but sadly, we had to say goodbye. You didn’t come the next day, no matter how much my eyes kept glancing at the door. I was sad, I was getting restless. The goodbye wasn’t that pleasant feeling but I thought that’s how we keep moving forward to our lives.

Maybe I was desperate to see you again, that’s why when you said you were coming around the place where I live, I asked you the time we were meeting. It’s funny when I think of it. But you came to meet me, maybe the work you mentioned was meeting me. Everything was easy going, nothing was forced between us, that’s what I like the most. That evening was beautiful. The lights, the water fountain, the air, the people roaming around, even looking at the crowd was beautiful, probably because there wasn’t any wall in front of me anymore. It was simple yet beautiful.

We used to talk all the time; you were missing but didn’t feel there was much gap that I felt when you left. Next time we met, I don’t know for some reason I was shy, boy you made me shy. But I felt this isn’t okay, "I can’t get shy because of this boy." You looked pretty for the first time, that day. We roamed around, among many people we were making round, praying. I was in my own world, when I looked back, you were holding your phone taking my picture. First time, you made my heart flutter.

In the park, we were lying on the grass, looking at the sky, counting the stars. Then when I looked at your face, it made my heart fluttered for the second time. Your smile was heart whelming. The warmth I felt looking at your face was precious. But again, I realized this isn’t okay for me to feel. I stood up and enjoyed the spring air.

Later, I asked you to take me to see the spring season, I was disappointed when we were unable to see it but when we went that place again, flowers were blossom. The road was purple with the petals which fell slowly from the trees like the snow. My eyes were searching for you trying to find you. I asked you through call, “where are you?” and the at that exact moment I saw you standing in the light blue shirt matching the theme perfectly. You looked just like you were one of those petals fell from the tree. You wore the gift I gave you. It shined more because it was you who wore it. I noticed, all eyes were on you, on us. People probably envied me for being beside you. The statement you made, “we shall carry umbrella to hide you, these people are looking at you.” It was funny because I thought you were getting people’s attention more. Maybe we were together in spring, every time I thought of you, I felt a warm feeling. All songs were reminding me of you. Talking to you was still the favorite feeling of all.

One after another, we kept making memories. I heard you speaking, you heard me speaking. I still remember the day when we sat together next to each other, you were talking about your trip when the sun rays were reflecting on your face, that golden light was making you look beautiful. “I am blinded by your beauty,” this is probably the exact moment when we say that. I wanted to let go of all the guilt and get closer to you.

Days passed by, we didn’t meet for a long time, we talked almost every day. Hearing your voice soothed my stress tainted soul. Every day, I used to be thankful, thinking there is someone who will be there for me to talk to. This time, I felt different, wanting to talk to you more. Maybe because I wasn’t able to hear your voice, I missed you. I missed you to the extent that I wanted to see you and hold you. I was desperately waiting to meet you. Counting days, missing you, wanting to see you, wanting to pull your leg. I probably missed us hanging out.

Finally, we met, boy you made me shy again. I felt a feeling of relief. Every overthinking, every stress, I left at my place to meet you. In the nature, I felt that’s where we belong. I felt like your eyes were trying to tell something, probably you felt the same. Wanting to hold your pretty hand, getting nervous. I probably made weird expression out on my face. There was a moment of silence, when I could hear my heartbeat. At this point, I have lost the count of my heart fluttered because of you.

We sat next to each other, ate snacks. Did I feed you? I guess I did, you looked cute. I wanted to touch your cheeks, but I was scared because our friendship is going pretty well. There was a time, when you were taking a video, I kissed you on your cheek; "stop!"; my heart fluttered. I felt that soft spot, like a marshmallow. I was scared, if I might have ruined something. But we hold our hands. My heart kept fluttering. Seeing the beautiful and peaceful sight, I felt I belong there. The feeling I got there, is exactly the same when I see you. We ended our journey holding hands, my heart kept fluttering. We stayed for some time to out, we hold our hands sitting next to each other; joking, playing, watching, listening; it was fun. I had a thought of going out holding hands, that’s how we exactly returned. The last hug was unexpected, I didn’t see it coming, so I couldn’t do it properly, it still gets to me.

Even at the worst point, I tried to come to the sense by reaching out to you. You probably didn’t realize it, but I have called you so many times because I was stressing over things. Talking to you is one of the most peaceful things I do. I get peaceful vibe from you like we get from the nature; you are a green forest. My dark world, wasn’t an unfamiliar place, I had put the walls around me which put me into darkness. But your presence made me want to come out from that space. You lit the light inside of me, which made me realize that I was the one who was hurting myself. I like the fact that you are there for me. My heart is still fluttering writing this. I don’t know how things will end for us, I hope, we will be fine.