Other Body

Other Body

04.09.2021

This was the day that completely changed the way I looked at my life.

At the age of 33, when I was thinking about what I could experience in life, I opened a page for myself that I will never forget. For some it was an emotional transition, for some it was the point of change. There is nothing that human beings cannot experience in their lives, from the worst moments to the happiest moments, my story began...

I am a brunette, bearded, brown-eyed, 183 tall, physically and health-conscious, affectionate, handsome and quite extroverted, energetic person who is loved and respected by his environment.

While I was a person who thought I knew people and directed his life accordingly, everything happened outside the moulds I knew. We love to find millions of subjects to be distinguished such as his height, his weight, his likes and dislikes and put them into a certain mould. We pass, erase and ignore by saying that if he likes it, it must be so. This is what I did. In my opinion, people were beings who could develop themselves and have personality in line with their wishes. I was in a period in my life when I thought I had a character, but after getting to know people with no character, I was facing evolution. Change is an incredible feeling, I can say it’s like tasting the taste of a food you don’t know the taste of and thinking that you like it very much. As you taste it, you will need more change and you will become able to direct your ideas in every field. Again, as it will be yesterday, today and tomorrow, people will always enter our lives, but we will not know in what way. We will be interested in the way they come to us, we will try to get to know them and in time we will put them at the centre of our lives. We will analyse their personality again, put them into certain moulds and get to know them by living them briefly. As I learnt by living...

Year 2018

It was the beginning of summer and the end of spring. In May, I was invited to a place by my close friends. Unaware of the situation, I carefully prepared as always and went to them. My friends were people who had been in my life for a long time, their names were Tunç, Alperen and Ersin.

Tunç; my best friend, my youth, as we say. I had a friend called Ezgi and she owned a small boutique cafeteria. I loved hanging out there in my 20s, and one day when I went to Ezgi’s cafe again, I met Tunç. We suddenly became an incredible duo in that environment, the girls laughed at the jokes we made one after the other, hitting the bottom of the conversation, ’Man, where have you been all this time? Why didn’t we meet before?” Then we started an incredible friendship and brotherhood until Tunç got married. Since I was a social person, my circle was naturally wide. This reason made Tunç’s wife jealous and she didn’t want him to come to my environment. The man was happy, we couldn’t meet during his marriage for his happiness, we couldn’t meet and they couldn’t agree. He said that he had decided to separate, that he would divorce and returned to us again. In the end, it was his decision, I respected him again, I was able to maintain that old bond. I admired his ideas incredibly. He was open-minded, hard-natured, the same height as me, he wore glasses, he always cut his hair short. He was not handsome, he had a different air.

Alperen; was not a very old friend of mine, he was a friend who had recently entered my life compared to Ersin and Tunç, but I enjoyed spending time with him and I got to know Alperen thanks to Tunç. Tunç, who introduced Alperen after his divorce, told me that he was also divorced and even had two children. Tunç’s friend was also my friend. I can say that Alperen was the quietest and the most underhanded person among us, who attracted attention with his grey hair at an early age. Not in a bad way, he was one of the heartbreakers who looked at the ground. In addition to his white hair adding charisma, he was a sympathetic man. He was shorter than us.

Ersin; I met him through a training that provides personal development and will reveal your work power. We were two people who were both interested in the business world, who fought for their own success, who had the idea of producing something for themselves instead of working for others. The trainings lasted for a full year and we realised that we spoke the same language in the course and had many common topics. We would drink something during breaks and chat for a long time, then our friendship continued. He was a character who was a little introverted, who had his own boundaries, who could not easily express his opinions, and when he did, he spoke little and concisely. He was colourful-eyed, brunette, taller than me. His body structure was more developed due to doing a lot of sports and he was older than me. He had worked as a manager in large organisations for a long time, spent a lot of effort in the private sector and wanted to make a way for himself because he could not get the full reward for his efforts.

It was an evening with all of us, we were drinking alcohol and talking about the weather. During this period, the epidemic was the topic that was on the lips, we were people who loved travelling and enjoyed seeing new places. We were making plans and thinking about what we could do before the restrictions came. Alperen, who emphasised that there was an increase in the Covid epidemic again, Tunç, who said the importance of vaccination on the one hand, and Ersin and I, who made plans to postpone it as much as we could. Apart from these, we were violating our personal spaces, talking about our relationships, asking who was hanging out with whom. In this case, I kept quiet and did not want to enter their spaces too much. On the contrary, as I kept quiet, they said, ”Don’t you have something? We tell everything. You are officially silent when these topics come up, what’s up? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” they were asking me to share my private life with them...

Well, me! I didn’t want to talk for a long time.

I had my reasons. The biggest reason was that I liked different fantasies. This was a situation that I could not catch with many people. This preferred sexual life was also reflected in my relationships. That’s why I haven’t had someone in my life for a long time. On the contrary, I received messages from many people, even those who stated that their purpose was sex and offered a one-night stand. There were many people who could not accept this when they learnt about my situation. Naturally, I could not be a long-term relationship man. But now I wanted to experience something emotional, I wanted someone who would accept and love me in this state...

One day; Mrs Nur, the owner of the last company I worked for, said that I should make her happy, that the way to peace would pass through her bed, and I resigned because of this offer she made. I was not a man who would accept her offer. The man who wants to do it in any way, but I didn’t. Because; I liked the feeling of belonging in bed. Someone who would belong to me. When I say belonging, I was looking for people to lord over me, to have a sense of command and to be a slave to me in this situation. This was called BDSM. This was a situation that many people misunderstood. If I need to explain literally, the first letter of BDSM, B, stands for bondage, the second letter, D, stands for discipline and dominance, the third letter, S, stands for submission, submission and sadism, and the fourth letter, M, stands for masochism. Let’s say if BDSM is a sexual preference for you, first of all, before this relationship started, roles should be determined, boundaries should be drawn or left to flow. The most important thing was to choose a safe word. Because you shouldn’t have stopped every time you were told ”no" while you were pretending. You could not progress by constantly stop and start this moment. Using the word ”no" was actually part of the role. When you were uncomfortable with the situation, the safe word was activated and when it was said, you got out of the role...

It was a private matter, the kind I couldn’t tell anyone. In addition to talking about it, I wouldn’t even voice my opinion when these topics came up. As a result, I didn’t know who liked these fantasies, and when I realised that those who were curious were actually just curious, I would isolate myself from them. There are actually hundreds of reasons for not having someone in my life, these are just a few. For a long time, since my friends knew that there was no one in my life, it was very normal for them to want someone to come into my life.

As we continued our conversation, there was something strange about that night. Everyone had a different excitement, they were looking left and right. ‘Is someone coming?’ I asked. Alperen said, ‘Well, I don’t know’ and closed the subject briefly. When I asked Tunç, ‘What’s going on?’ he said, ‘Nothing, brother, it’s just that my girl was going to be here with her mates, I’m checking to see if they’ve arrived’. After half an hour, 2 of his friends and Tunç’s girlfriend came to where we were. Tunç called out to the waiter and asked, ’Can you include us at a wider table? The waiter arranged a wider table for us and we all went there together. As soon as we sat down, Tunç’s girlfriend Melis said, ‘Let me introduce you to my friend, Ozan, this is Alya,’ showing only me to Alya, ’This is Ozan. Then she introduced our friends as ‘Friends Alya’. So why did he introduce me specifically? Although I didn’t want to worry too much, I had a character who paid attention to such little things. Melis and her friends who came out in the middle of the night were incredibly energetic girls. The conversations continued and Alya was trying to get to know us in turn, Alya was a little different. It was like she didn’t fit into that frame. She was very beautiful, the work she talked about was very imaginative. Was what she said true? Alya was not Melis’s friend, not even someone to talk to. Because Melis was someone who could not tolerate any other beautiful girl but herself, who claimed that only she was beautiful. Nisa was below standard, Alya above. We knew Nisa as a team before, all eyes were on Alya.

Alya; I started the conversation by asking her the meaning of her name, she said, ‘Sema means a mountain top or a high place’. It was really a completely different place. A completely different view. She was so beautiful that I was speechless. Wheat skin, hair below her shoulders. Her eyes were the colour of honey. The children even asked if she had contact lenses. She parted her hair to the side and lifted her bangs with her hands as they fell in front of her eyes. His sharp facial features, nose, eyebrows and eyes were as if drawn with a pencil. He had a master’s degree and completed most of his education abroad. His mother was from Ukraine and his father was from Aydın. She was a hybrid, she spoke 3 languages and her goal was to be a good influencer. She could do it, she had the ability to attract attention that most people do not have, all the men in the place where we were, from the waiters to the waitresses, were watching her, and the women were always commenting on her by looking at her among themselves. How could Melis handle all this beauty?

Melis was a girl I had known for about 7 months, whom I met twice a week thanks to Tunç. She was brunette, slightly chubby, with long hair. She was a lecturer at the university, she said she was an intelligent and beautiful woman who liked to make academic plans. She and Tunç had met at the concert and then they became lovers. She was fearless, with the courage to say her views directly to people’s faces. She said that she met Alya in the academic field. She said that they had been friends for a long time, but they couldn’t meet because Alya was abroad for education. He said that he was now settled here and that he would be with her in every plan from now on. I would be lying if I said I was not happy about this situation. It attracted my attention as it attracted everyone’s attention. The fact that Alya would come every time we met would cause me to get to know her better.

Nisa was Melis’ friend since kindergarten. Nisa, like Melis, was pursuing an academic career and wanted to do a doctorate, she was in a relationship for a long time. The boy had been her lover since high school and while they were making marriage plans, they decided to separate because family problems became insurmountable. She was also alone for a long time. Melis liked to hang out like a matchmaker. She was making plans to introduce Nisa to another friend of mine. She would occasionally ask about my friend. That friend’s name was Burak. Burak could only meet us once a month because he worked 3 shifts at his job. On those days, either Nisa was not available or Burak did not attend. Nisa was a thin girl with short curly hair, wore glasses, and actually had a clear beauty.

Our night was incredibly enjoyable together, the hours were passing and it was time to go. The girls said that they would continue with a house party and that they wanted to stay with girls. My friends came to me that evening, we continued to drink at home. The guys were criticising the night and bringing the subject back to Alya. ’Ozan, isn’t she beautiful? Ozan, was she interested in you separately? Ozan, I think if the girl doesn’t have a boyfriend, you take a step, brother. Ozan, look, this is the last time, we won’t introduce you to anyone anymore,′ said Alperen!

There was silence around at that moment, everyone looked at each other. ‘How Alperen? Did they invite the girl to introduce me?’ I said. Alperen said, ‘No, son, I said that it wouldn’t come across like this, I’m already high’ and went to bed. I went back and asked the same question to Tunç. Tunç said, ’Man, Melis is a good girl. Her friends are also good, you should meet her too, she’s a nice girl. Besides, she didn’t come for you either, Alperen is talking rubbish.

‘OK, I’ll be frank with you, I like the girl,’ I said. While Alperen and Tunç were fucking my head all night, Ersin made no comment. While we were still talking, Melis called Tunç and said, ’Did you sleep? ‘No, we are chatting and chatting,’ Tunç replied. Then he got up and went to the balcony. While me and Ersin were sitting on the sofa, Ersin put his hand on my neck and said ‘I want you to be very happy’. ‘Thank you, I want you to be happy too,’ I replied. ‘You are a good person, you are a beautiful person, why shouldn’t you be with a beautiful person,’ he continued to talk half-heartedly. While we were talking, Tunç came back in. ‘Look at me, the girl asked for your social media and Melis gave it to her, accept the girl,’ he said. I stood up with excitement, took my phone and immediately accepted Alya’s request. I started to visit her profile, but I didn’t like her photos. I think she was doing the same thing, checking my social media but waiting for the first like to come from me. While we were chatting, Ersin said he wanted to go to sleep, so we all went to our beds...