When the Stars Align

Bianca

Some people say one’s fate has been written in the stars but some people say one's thoughts and actions create their destiny and therefore change their reality. With that belief, our reality constantly changes. Our thoughts, our actions, they all affect our destiny and reality. Even the smallest detail can change something so big. I do see the truth in that.

Personally, I do believe that our fate is the end product of our thoughts and actions. When I worry about something, life feels restless as if an impending doom awaits me in the future. However, it feels so much peaceful and joyful when I don’t worry about anything and just live in the present moment. Life is meant to be lived that way, I think. If we keep living in constant fear of the future and what has happened in the past, we will continue to stay in place. The movement of time and space we experience won’t matter as long as we continue to live within our mental prison. The past is in the past so why should I worry about it? There’s nothing I can do to change it and even if I can do it, what matters the most is our thoughts in the present moment. Our future, our destiny, changes depend on our current thoughts and actions. That’s it.

Life always depends on one’s perspective anyway. Even if you have all the riches in the world, if you still feel like you don’t have enough, you won’t feel happy but if you’re grateful of everything you have at the moment, life will be so much peaceful and joyful. Just throw away the awful things and always be grateful of all the great things in life. Up until yesterday, I sometimes think that I don’t deserve to live a good life because of my past. Now, I know that I deserves to have all the good things in life no matter how terrible my past is.

So, this is it. Today is the day that I start living in the moment and not to worry about my past anymore. Some awful things have happened to me in the past but that doesn’t mean I have to stop living. If you’re still alive until now, then you’re still meant to be walking the earth and living your life to the fullest. No matter how hard life may seem now, I’m sure it’s going to get better in the future. You just have to believe it even if that belief is just as small as a grain of sugar. Infinite possibilities exist and somewhere between all those possibilities, there are best case scenarios that you can achieve.

Sunlight pours into the room through the slit between my curtains. The cold air against my face tells me how early it still is at the moment. My blanket keeps me warm from the chilly air as I stay laid in my bed. There’s nothing much in my mind as I enjoy the comfort and warmth of my bed. I read somewhere that being grateful of all the good things I have is the key to happiness and good life. So, that’s what I’m doing now. I’m being grateful for where I am right now.

The pitter patter of my feet against the floor accompanies me as I walk to the bathroom to get ready for the day. So far, I’m doing nothing outside my usual daily routine. Today is Sunday. My shift as a waitress in a cat cafe near my apartment starts in an hour and a half. The cafe is at walking distance of 10 minutes from my house so it won’t take me long to get there. I usually leave at 8.40 and once I get there, I help the owner and manager of the cafe who’s also my friend, Selene, and another waiter, Chloe, with cleaning up the place before the opening time.

My dark brown hair is now tied in a ponytail and a light red lip gloss cover my lips. For today, just like any other day I wear something casual, a plain white t-shirt with a pair of light blue jeans and a pair of my favourite white sneakers.

Once I’m done eating my breakfast of toasts with Nutella and coffee, I head out of my place with all my important stuff, phone and wallet, in my small, white sling bag. My footsteps as I descend the stairs echo through the building. I take in a deep breath of the crisp morning air as I step outside. With optimism coursing through my veins, I walk on the sidewalk towards my workplace. I wish everything is going to be wonderful today. There’s nothing else I want more than a wonderful life with my amazing friends.

The sign on the door of the cafe still shows “closed”, letting people know it’s not accepting any customers just yet for the day. I step into the building and the bell overhead rings, letting everyone inside know that I have entered the place. Once I take off my shoes, I open the second door and walk through it. A glimpse of white fur immediately catches my attention. I quickly catch Snowball, a white, long-haired cat, before he can leave the room.

“Where do you think you’re going, mister? You’re a spoiled little guy. You won’t survive out there,” I say to Snowball. He only stares at me with his usual frown and I pinch his cheek, grinning at how adorable he looks despite his annoyed expression. After I close the door, I carry him in one hand with my shoes in my other hands and walk into the main area of the cafe. I put him down and he immediately runs away to his favourite scratching post and claws on it aggressively. I can’t help but smile at the sight.

“Bianca, you’re here early,” Selena says. She’s right. It’s still 8.39 right now. I usually arrive here at around 8.50 so yeah, I’m earlier than usual.

“Yeah. I woke up early today so after I got ready and everything, I decided to go straight here,” I say. It’s not like I mind being here longer. I get to play more with the cats before we open up the cafe for the day.

“Can you help me clean up the vomit near the library section? I need to refill the feeder now. They’re all almost empty,” Selena says as she holds up two bags of cat food.

“Sure. Let me put my things away first,” I say.

“Okay. Thank you.”

We part ways right away. While Selena go to the cat’s feeding area, I go to the back of the cafe to store my bag and shoes in the locker. As I put on my waist apron, I walk towards the library section. Just like what Selena says, there’s a vomit there on the floor. A gunk of hairball is there, drying up from being left uncleaned for too long.

After I clean up the vomit, I continue my work by sweeping the scattered litter around the cafe. Now that I’m done with my usual work, I sit down on the floor with my legs crossed.

Milky, a white and grey long-haired cat, quickly approaches me and I let him lie on my lap. I pet his head gently as he purrs loudly like a car engine. Ginger, an orange short-haired cat, struts towards me and bumps her head against my knees. I give her a pet and she flops down next to me.

“Good morning to you too, Ginger,” I say as I continue to pet her.

It’s finally the time for the cafe to open. As the hours pass, more customers come into the place, whether it be for relaxing, working, or studying. As we near the lunchtime, we get even more busy. People flood the place and the place becomes hectic as all of us try to keep up with the orders of our customers.

I wait by the window for orders I need to deliver to the customers. My eyes then catch the sight of a familiar face. Mariano. He’s one of our loyal customers. He always comes to the cafe for lunch ever since three months ago. Despite the formal and serious look he has almost all the time, he has a friendly side. He always loves to play with the cats here, especially Milky. He’s one of Mariano’s favourite cats in here. I know it may sound weird but I have a crush on him. How could I not? He’s one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He’s also kind and polite to every staff in here. Always such a gentleman.

Mariano walks towards the cashier and shoots me a smile once his blue eyes catch my gaze. I return his smile and quickly look away, trying to hide my blushing cheeks from him. Gosh. I hope he doesn’t see me blushing so hard right now.

“He’s finally here, huh?”

I turn to the kitchen and see Carlo grinning at me through the pass-through. His words cause my cheeks to burn even more from embarrassment. Everyone here somehow knows that I have a crush on one of our loyal customers. Is it really that obvious? If it is, there’s a high chance Mariano knows I’m crushing on him too.

“Yeah,” I say.

“When are you going to tell him-“

“Carlo. Stop. I’m not going to say anything,” I say, cutting off his words before finishing it.

What should I tell to Mariano anyway? Go straight and tell him I like him? That’s going to be absolutely weird. There’s no way I’m doing that. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“Come on. It’s obvious you two like each other. It’s either you tell him about your feelings or you wait for him to confess to you,” Carlo says.

“Then I’d rather wait for him to say it first. I’m not going to confess my feelings to our customer. He might think I’m weird and we’ll end up losing one of our loyal customers,” I say.

“You’re just overthinking it. I can see it clearly that he likes you back. Maybe he’s also too shy to confess that to you,” Carlo says.

Well, he’s kinda right about that. I can just ignore my crushing negative thoughts and confess to Mariano that I have a crush on him. I can just switch of my thoughts and don’t give a fuck about everything else except to tell him how I feel but still, I feel like I can’t do it. Strange is an understatement for that. This is great. I fail on my first day on trying to live in the moment and not worrying about anything. However, what I’m thinking is reasonable, right? Or is it just me being anxious?

“Why are we even talking about this? I need to deliver these dishes,” I say.

“Right. Hurry up then,” Carlo says.

I quickly put two plates of fish and chips onto the tray and deliver the food to the customers from two different tables who ordered the dish. As I walk towards the station again to wait for other orders to be delivered, Midnight, a short-haired black cat, climbs up my pants and t-shirt and then perch on my shoulder. An awkward smile appears on my face as customers look at my way and take pictures of Midnight and me.

“If you want to stay here, don’t jump,” I say to Midnight. She lets out a chirp and I keep my hand on her just in case she loses her balance on my shoulder.

“Hi, Bianca.”

The voice stops me in my track. It’s Mariano. This is strange. I wonder why is he calling me. He never really called me by my name before as well. The times we ever talked to each other is when he’s ordering his lunch. What changed?

“Uh, hi,” I say as I get Midnight off my shoulder and carry her in my arms instead.

“This might sound weird but can we talk after you finish your job?” Mariano asks.

Oh my God, oh my God. Am I not being delusional right now? Talk? After I finish my job? What is going on? Is he actually going to confess to me? Does Mariano actually like me? What else would he say to me if it’s not about that? The only way to find out is to talk to him later. I better not get too excited now. He probably only wants to talk about something ordinary and casual, not confessing his secret feelings towards me.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” I say. Midnight moves around in my arms, wanting to be let down. I put her down and then let her run away from me.

“When are you leaving?” Mariano asks.

“We’re closing at eight so, I’ll be finished by 8.30,” I say, shrugging a little at him. Mariano smiles at my answer, nodding once in acknowledgment.

“Alright. I’ll come back here later but only if that’s fine with you,” Mariano says.

Gosh. He’s so polite. I can’t believe I’m actually talking to him right now. Is this even real? This feels surreal but in a good way.

“It’s totally fine,” I say, nodding as I try to act cool about our conversation.

“Alright. I’ll see you tonight,” Mariano says with a grin. I return it with a smile and ignore all the giddiness and the butterflies rioting in my stomach.

“Okay. See you,” I say.

Mariano walks to his table and I quickly go back to the pass-through. I let out a sigh when I see Caleb is not there peeking from the pass-through. He’s definitely going to tease me for the rest of my life if he knows I actually talked to Mariano. Putting that aside, I’m actually excited to talk to him tonight.

I’m really curious about what he’s going to say. Is he really going to confess his undying love to me despite the lack of conversation we have with each other for the past three months? It would be wonderful if that’s actually the truth. When we become a couple, we’re going to have a lot of cats and take care of them together.

Wait. Why am I thinking about that already? Gosh. Delusional much?

“What’s with the smile?”

My gaze moves up from the floor and I see Selena smiling at me with a glint of me in her hazel eyes. I quickly drop the smile that I don’t realise I have on my face. Now everyone is definitely going to talk to each other about today’s occurrence between Mariano and me. Shit.

“It’s nothing,” I say.

My gaze shifts into the kitchen, avoiding Selena’s eyes. I stare at everyone who’s still working to get the food ready and pretend to be busy waiting for the food order for my tables. Gianna quickly grabs two plates of pasta and two glass of drink and immediately leaves without saying a word.

“Come on. Everyone saw you talking to Mariano,” Selena says. I bet they are. This cafe is pretty much an open space with minimal partitions so, we can see someone on the other side of the room. I’m lying to myself if I say no one saw I talked to Mariano.

“He just wants to talk to me later,” I say. A grin appears on Selena’s face after hearing what I say. Here we go. She’s definitely going to keep talking about this until tonight.

“About what?” Selena asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, giving her a shrug.

That’s the truth. I still can’t figure out why Mariano wants to talk to me. I mean, it’s possible that he wants to say that he likes me or something like that but then again, my mind keeps rejecting that idea. It’s not without a reason though. We barely talk with each other so how could Mariano like me like that?

“He’s definitely going to confess to you,” Selena says. As wonderful as it sounds, I won’t get my hopes up. It’s not like I’m desperate for love anyway. If he confess, that’s good, but if he doesn’t, that’s also fine. I’m not obsessed over him. I just have a tiny crush over him as his good looks.

“Absolutely not. We barely talk with each other ever since the first time he came in here,” I say. Selene rolls her eyes at my relentless denial.

“Come on. Don’t be so pessimistic now. It’s possible he wants to confess his feelings for you,” Selene says.

Pessimistic? Am I being pessimistic? No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to have too high of an expectation about what our conversation will be and where it’ll lead us.

“I’m not being pessimistic, I’m being realistic,” I say. Selene lets out a sigh and then smirks at me.

“I bet you 100 he’s going to confess to you,” Selene says with full confidence.

100? That would be nice to get that from the bet. I can buy more groceries with that money. I’m definitely going to win this bet. There’s no way Mariano wants to confess his feelings to someone he barely knows.

“Fine. I’ll win this bet. I know it,” I say.

Will I, really? I’ll lose a hundred dollars if I lose. Well, the only way I can find out is to wait until tonight. Let’s see what Mariano has to say later. I hope I’ll win this bet. Ain’t no way I’m losing a hundred bucks because of Mariano confessing his feelings for me.

“Don’t be so sure. You’ll jinx it,” Selena says.

“Right back at you,” I say.

It’s finally nighttime. I’ve done my work of sweeping and mopping the floor of the main area for the night. My heart beats fast in my chest as I remember Mariano’s words earlier this afternoon. It’s still 8.20 right now so he’s probably not here yet, or he’s already outside waiting for me.

“Selena, I’m leaving now,” I say.

“Don’t forget to tell me what Mariano says tomorrow!” Selena says with clear excitement. I roll my eyes at her overly animated voice but smile at her anyway.

“Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow,” I say.

“Bye!”

After I put on my shoes, I step out into the unexpectedly cold night air. Thank goodness my apartment is close by. I might get hypothermia from how cold tonight’s weather is.

“Bianca.”

I turn and see Mariano standing to my right. My cheeks heat up as I stare up at into his blue eyes. This is it. I’m about to find out the truth soon.

“Hi. So, what do you want to talk about?” I ask. My heart hammers in my chest as I nervously look back at Mariano. He keeps his soft smile on his face as we stare at each other.

“Do you want to talk here or somewhere else?“ Mariano asks.

“Let’s go to Cafe Dolce,” I say. It’s the closet one from here and also my apartment. So, when I walk back home, I won’t be in the cold for way too long.

My body shivers and begins to shake from the cold. Trying to keep my body warm, I wrap my arms around myself.

“You look like you’re cold. Here, take my coat,” Mariano says as he takes off his black coat.

“You don’t have to,” I say. My heart aches for me to accept it and get myself warm but my logical mind tells me not to. It’s a strange thing to accept something from a stranger like his jacket just like that so I better not accept it.

“I insist,” Mariano says, his face turns slightly serious as he drapes his coat over his arms. My gaze shifts from his for a second as my cheeks tingle from sheepishness. He’s such a gentleman. I can’t believe this is really happening now.

“Okay. Thank you,” I say.

Before I can take the coat from Mariano’s hand, he steps behind me and helps me put it on. My stomach is doing all sorts of backflips with him standing so close behind me as he gently pulls my hair from under the coat. When I turn around, I see Mariano already smiling at me. His smile causes my cheeks to heat up even more.

“There. Shall we?” Mariano says as he holds out his arm to me. I link my arm through his and smile back at him.

“Let’s go.”

Is Selene right? Is Mariano really going to confess his feelings toward me tonight? Does he really like me? All of my doubts about Mariano will absolutely fall down if that’s the truth. Since thoughts can create my reality, why shouldn’t I think of the best case scenario? What’s stopping me from expecting the best from my conversation with Mariano later? There’s nothing but own my mind that’s holding me back. So for now, I expect Mariano to somehow confess that he also has a crush on me.