Let's talk BDSM

As a Master I've been feeling very lonely the last couple of months because most of my slaves now live thousands of miles away. I can no longer meet them and the most painful part is that I don't even miss them. I've always practiced behind my girlfriend's back, unbeknownst to her although I always took the necessary precautions to avoid STDs. For example, in the beginning my slaves had to be virgins. Later on I'd admit non virgin slaves only after getting to know them very well. Typically these were very ambitious girls from the nearby provinces. They had huge dreams and thanks to their commitment to success they had managed to maintain themselves pure from the degeneracy that is so common in the big (European) city I used to live in. Virgin ones were often very young when they started, like 17-18 years old. Generally speaking they tend to be above average smart, well educated, with beautiful faces, always very polite, always very respectful and also, more often than not, with huge breasts. Filtering uphill allowed me, among others, to punish-penetrate them without protection with peace of mind. Since I moved to this new place however I've had plenty of time to sit back and think about what has been so far. The sea views from my balconies are dreamlike. Practicing bdsm has changed me a lot over the years, but it has also tired me because as a Master I never sought to balance things out. Regardless of whether I was busy with work or out dining with my girlfriend and her mother, I'd never say no to a slave who deserved to be punished or rewarded. I did this for 16 years and today I'm starting to think that maybe I got exhausted and maybe that's the reason why being away from them feels like my first real vacation in 16 years. Every day that passes by I think of them less and less, they rarely come to mind and it doesn't feel like I'm missing anything. Maybe I also feel slightly let down because none of my slaves has given me any children yet, despite committing to do so.

As a master I'd say that I'm very patient, I love to talk to my slaves to get to know them well. I don't think bdsm is possible in any shape or form if the Master doesn't know his slave well. In a way a Master has to chase his slave to get deep under her skin as seamlessly and as painlessly as possible. This is also why being articulate is an important slave quality, slaves who are scared to talk tend to not be good slaves. To be clear, one doesn't say much in a session but it's what happens and comes out in the talks between sessions that determines how the next session is going to be and when it will take place. For less intelligent people there are kinks, kinks are very superficial and theatrical. There isn't much intimacy in a kinky relationship, it's just two people temporarily taking over a role to provide pleasure to each other. BDSM and belonging to someone is about an intimate connection between two people that are dom and sub. The dom is the explorer, the sub is the explored. BDSM is not about providing pleasure but about lighting dark corners and then rewarding or punishing the slave when she behaves or misbehaves in this process of exploration. Subs can't be shallow or there is nothing to explore. They can't be cowards or that first step into the darkness upon Master's first command would never take place. The dom is in charge of the exploration, not in charge of the slave. The slave is not committed to the dom, but only to the act of exploring. To see the slave for what she really is the Master must break through the barrier of normality, resist the urge to profile her and dive deep into what she is by peeling off a thousand layers of appearances. Most natural submissives give up on their nature early on as they are taught through social conditioning to fit in and discard deviations as if they were a manifestation of immaturity, vanity, disease or sin. That's why, more often than not, those who start exploring too late, or lack the cognitive depth that the act of belonging requires, limit themselves to kinks. The former because they have already been conditioned to reject their true nature as a disease, so when they decide to re-explore it they settle for doing it as a kink (which is more socially acceptable). The latter because they simply have no choice, they can't see any other true selves underneath the puppet moulded by normality. When it comes to them, that puppet is all there is. The desacration of normality is the true first step in every bdsm relationship. A bdsm relationship is not a sentimental relationship, it's actually very important to separate the two. In other words, your master cannot be your boyfriend or husband. Sentimental relationships are often adversarial, we must hide certain things from our partner for our partner to accept us and celebrate us. There is happiness in that. But for a true slave that happiness will never be enough. This is why at some point many latent submissives conducting a purely vanilla life wreak havoc on their own (vanilla) lives in an attempt to satisfy their inner urges to belong. Most of the time they don't even know why they are doing what they are doing, yet they do it because they feel the urge to do something, to change something. There is a void that is slowly carved inside of them by a purely vanilla life on top of a forced denial of their nature. When this void becomes too big, everything falls apart with disastrous consequences for those closest to them.

A practicing slave knows the difference between a vanilla partner and her Master, she knows that to be happy she needs both. She also knows that vanilla partners come and go while one's Master is one's Master for life. A Master is like an anchor cast deep in the waters of slave's true essence that helps her sail through any storm that may come her way. For this reason slaves are deeply honest with their Masters for belonging means being accepted as a whole, unconditionally. Every confession is followed, eventually, by a punishment or reward. Confessions are never plotted on a moral or social acceptability grid, the slave is never abandoned as result of a confession. In fact, all a Master can ask from his slave is honesty, not loyalty. The slave will always be loved despite anything she might have done or might do. This is not the case, of course, with one's vanilla partner. For example, a slave (often) can't tell her boyfriend that one of her fantasies is being gang rap*d, but she can say it to her Master who then can work to make it happen. In this specific scenario, the difference between a slave engaging in such act on her own versus doing it under the guidance of her Master is that with a Master the Master will be there to accept, caress and compliment her for her courage after the act. Engaging in the same activity alone can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and insecurity, potentially triggering spirals of self-destruction and depression. That's why absolute honesty is a prerogative of any bdsm relationship, one can't belong if one can't be absolutely honest with one's Master. One only belongs to the Master she is absolutely honest with. That's why even though a slave, as she matures, may have multiple play partners she will always have only one true Master. Only she knows who the chosen Master is. It's the one she is fearlessly honest with, only she knows who.

So now you know why it's almost painful for me to admit that I don't miss my slaves, it's painful because I'd never abandon them. Yet I've never been as tempted as now to just let go, to carry on with my life and forget they exist. I feel tempted to go rogue as a Master and betray their trust all at once after all these years of taking care of them. I want to forget about my promises to impregnate them and to be the father of at least one of their children regardless of who their husbands are. I loved bringing them up, I loved taking their virginity at lunch break in a park full of jogging workaholics, or in the cinema in the city center. I loved getting them to ride me in front of a police car by tearing a hole in their stockings and ordering them to sit on top of me. I loved slapping, flogging, spanking, insulting them. I loved making they cry, scream, squirt, beg and above all, I loved making them write long letters to me by hand. I loved tying them up, force penetrating their holes and making their breasts blue. I loved rap*ng them for breakfast, right after their moms left for work or their sibglings left for school. I loved choking them in trains, cars and ships. I loved spitting on them, carving insults on their skin with my pocket knife, pissing on their faces inside a church, using their tongues as toilet paper, doing ass to mouth with 2 of them in front of each other. Yet, right now, it feels so sweet to just let them all go, to let them crash and burn in abandonment and move forward without them. I love getting to know them, I love exploring them, but what ultimately drives a Master like me is the instinct to destroy. I want to tear down everything they have built with their vanilla lives, I love seeing their images of successful, intellectual and responsible women turn into gaping holes begging to be filled. If I simply pull the plug and disappear and their lives go belly up, they won't even be able to point at anything because nobody even knows I exist, I'm their biggest secret. They also don't know my real name, they know nothing about my real life identity, they could never track me down unless they bumped into me in some street, but I doubt they will ever come close to where I live right now. And if I ever go back there, I'm sure they will be busy with their stupid 9-5 jobs and won't be roaming the streets like I love to do.

I had never thought about it until today, but now I can't stop thinking about it. Like some sort of final grand punishment, for some unknown reason. You know how when I'm too strict they always ask (scared) if I'm angry at them for some reason, if they did something wrong without realizing it? They say they are terrified by the idea of not being good enough. Now if I disappear like this they'd probably wonder the same except that they would never get the closure they are used to by asking me in person.