I was desperate for her

Two months ago I was pulling a graveyard shift on a Tuesday night, it’s just shy of 11pm. I have a patient with a drug abuse problem suffering from a severe migraine. Very adamant that oxycodone would relieve him but nothing else would work. I smiled and put in an order for 800mg acetaminophen and told him to enjoy his evening. His response was that he was discharging himself and going to find my address and fuck my wife. I told him I’d be happy to have him discharged so he could carry on with his plans for the night and walked out of the room. I threw my gloves in the trash, walked towards my office and opened Tinder on my phone. I have a ton of unread messages I’ll never get through but near the top one stood out from a seemingly attractive brunette. It read, “you look like husband material!” I opened it and responded by bantering in the scenario I just went through. She stayed up all night talking with me. We really hit it off. Fast forward to around 9am, she offered to bring me breakfast before she went into work. I don’t turn down opportunities to slam Chick-Fil-A breakfast. She showed up with my chicken littles looking like she just walked out of a magazine, meanwhile I looked like a perpetually exhausted, sweaty intern from some shitty hospital drama TV show. It was a quick meeting, I would have stood all day at triage with my chicken flirting up a girl from Tinder, but, there’s 10 nurses staring at me and I don’t like explaining shit so I cut her off pretty quickly.

About 20 minutes after she left, she sent a text asking if I changed my mind about her after seeing her in person. Definitely wasn’t the case, but throughout the conversation we had all night, she did make a mention of how important being a christian was to her and that it bothered her that I didn’t go to church. We honestly didn’t have any sexual flirtation going on, but she did say something along the lines of that *if we were dating* she wouldn’t participate in sexual activity until I was a member of the church. I won’t lie to you guys, I didn’t bother mentioning that I don’t believe in God. Instead I told her that I’d attend church with the right person… Before you make a judgement that I’m just chasing tail, I’ll make it known right now that I don’t need to go worship God to get laid… I just may need to go play along at church if I find myself further seriously interested in this girl because a sexless relationship is — Fucking impossible for me? I mean Jesus Christ if I’m dating you, I need you physically. I couldn’t imagine.

Not only did I start imagining, I also started experiencing. 3 weeks after initially talking to her, we aren’t an official couple of course, but, we are exclusively seeing each other. Kisses, hugs, cuddles and fucking sleeping in the same bed for weeks but I couldn’t tell you what she looked like without pants on. Call me a pig for that comment, but it’s deeper than sex. It puts a strain on emotional intimacy as well. Being with someone as a grown man that you can only touch like you’d touch your girlfriend in 7th grade is torture.

About a month into this sexless dating experience, we just had dinner and we were on the couch relaxing. She was reading, I was watching playoff NBA. She had on yoga pants, I was wearing basketball shorts. She stopped reading and laid down on the couch with her head in my lap, whining for me to play with her hair. I did run my fingers through it but it was a shit-effort. I was dialed into the game. Not for long. She got up, straddled my lap and began kissing me slowly. We’re making out, arms around each other and by no means is she grinding on me with a serious effort, but there’s a slow back and forth movement. I didn’t have a hard on, I had a fucking piece of pulsing metal in my pants. She stops kissing me to whisper in my ear how how much she’s falling for me and as corny as it sounds re-stating this, she tells me that she appreciates me for going to church with her because if God is part of our relationship makes her want me so bad. Yeah, I know that isn’t sexy to read but when the girl you’re so wildly ALL AROUND attracted to tells you that she wants you bad… Goddamn. I grabbed an ass cheek with each hand pulled her closer to me and rubbing up against me harder. We continue making out and she climbs off my lap. My mind is 100% thinking that we’re pulling off clothes. I’m so fucking hot for her that I just knew I wasn’t going to last for shit but I needed her and needed her so bad.

She ended the kiss and said, “the next couple weeks coming up will really be something worth looking forward to.” In that moment, I knew I wasn’t getting laid. I got up from the couch without saying anything and went towards my pocket pussy. She asked where I was going and I just yelled, “I’M ON MY WAY TO GO BUST A NUT!” Now she’s following me to my room. I grab my pocket pussy out of the drawer and she stands there with the audacity to ask why I wouldn’t just use my hand. I wasn’t mean to her, but in my voice she would have to be tone deaf to not hear my frustration. I said, “I don’t want a hand, I want something better than that.” At this point I’m burying the pocket pussy between pillows on my bed so I can fucking just get on top of it and bust a nut. I just needed to cum. She stands there while I’m setting it all up telling me that hands work just as well, I fucking laugh and respond with, “just as well? Not this dick” she tells me that I have no idea what I’m doing and storms out of the bedroom.

She was wrong about that accusation for about 10 seconds, but, once I was on top of that thing and slid my dick down into it. Well, yeah, she was exactly right. I had no idea what I was doing because I instanteanously lost my mind. I don’t think I pumped it once before I started cumming. After I finished I just laid there on my bed. 15 minutes or so go by and I find myself caught between just wanting to go out there and wrap my arms around her… And also busting another nut pretending she was the pussy pocket. I fell asleep before doing either of those.

Two and a half weeks go by and at the time I wished I didn’t like her as much as I did. She was an amazing person. Great kisser, hilarious, just this all around aura that I couldn’t get enough of. Throughout the first month I was jerking off or otherwise substituting for sex with toys almost daily. A release is a release but I just wanted her to do it. I don’t know what I was going through mentally. Fuck sex, I just wanted to make love to that girl. As a man of respect and boundaries, I never pressured it. But I questioned shit, you know? You kiss me like you’re falling in love with me, you tell me you want to do all these things to me… It’s mutual lust. We’ve been to church. Many times. Like what the fuck are we waiting for? A letter from heaven telling us that we have the green light to fuck? I wasn’t giving up on her but I was pressing to a breaking point of sexual tension / mental breakdown. Probably would of had one if I wasn’t so fucking afraid of wording my thoughts wrong. I just wanted all of her.

Tuesday night, three days ago. I get home from work around 9pm. I immediately shower as I always do after work, throw on some basketball shorts and come back out into the living room and she’s laying down on the couch on her back. She motions her finger towards me and smacks her lips. Indicating that she wants a kiss. As soon as I kiss her, we begin this slow sensual make out session. It was passionate as fuck and my entire body just craved her so bad, I climbed on top of her on the couch with every intention on pressing my body up against her. It was just a really fucking passionate moment and I needed friction. She presses up on my stomach to stop me from grinding into her and in that moment I just remember looking into her eyes probably like the most desperate motherfucker on the planet, meanwhile she’s smirking. I didn’t even know to process the fucking smirk on her face. What’s funny about it?

I felt her hand run up my leg under my shorts and she pulled me in for a slow burning kiss as she starts slow stroking me with one hand. I don’t even know the fucking words to type to describe this part because it’s fuck, impossible? It was a sense of relief crossed with a rage of… I don’t know. I can’t explain how horny I was and I can’t explain how good it felt. I can’t explain how crazy I was about her. Next thing I know she puts her other hand into play and starts tugging me with two hands and kissing me hard. I kissed back even harder. My dick is fucking throbbing so hard, she’s kissing me so good. She’s twisting her hands with every tug. At this point she had began jerking me maybe 30 seconds ago. At this point I was positive I didn’t have 30 seconds left in me.

I can’t kiss any longer. I broke off the kiss with every intention of putting my mouth to her ear to let her know how good it felt. That’s not the way it went… Listen; I’m a pretty stoic, rough on the outside kind of guy. I’m a 220lb 6’6” grown ass man. She’s 5’5” with these little hands… When I broke that kiss, I wasn’t whispering anything to her, I was panting like a fucking dog. All I could get out was moans and the word fuck. She started slowing down to a stop on tugging me and God fuck I was about to cum ropes.

If she waited a second longer to stop I would of fucking came but she edged me so perfectly, so hard. Personally I enjoy being edged, it makes my orgasm stronger….. But this hit different. I was edged but I didn’t want to cum anymore. I needed to cum. Flashback through this whole story and I can confidently say that in all those moments I needed to cum. But this was past those moments.

My legs were shaking. I won’t lie, this is all about to get really corny for a minute but the heat of the moment was fucking insane. She’s telling me to take her pants off and give it to her. She needs to feel me cum. Too late to take pants off, her hands are on my chest and I just hit some animalistic shit and fucking yelled “GOD FUCK TUG MY SHIT TUG MY SHIT PLEASE” I don’t know what got into me when I said that but it was some gutterally yelled commands. She fucking instantly obeyed. As a grown ass man being jerked off by this girl 1/2 - 1/3rd his size I wish I could say I just busted a nut like a man and hit some post nut clarity but that isn’t what fucking happened.

She’s 2 hand twist stroking my dick begging me to just cum for her. I’m not speaking words but I’m making sounds. I don’t know what they were. The point of no return happens as my body just goes primal and starts jackhammering into her hands so fucking fast. I am beyond desperate for this. My head is buried in her neck while my lower half is just fucking thrusting at a speed beyond my known capabilities and….. God, I’m fucking cumming so hard. Yeah. Jesus Christ I was fucking moaning like an animal cumming goddamn everywhere. I was sensitive for an hour afterwards. It took me 2 hours before I could fuck her properly.

Handjobs are wild in the perfect storm of a situation.