Chapter 1
“Elena take your pill’s we don’t have all morning” one day.. hopefully i wont hear that god forbidden name the name thats been dead to me for months now. “One..Two.Thre- there are only three here wheres the hydroxyzine?” I show my mom hoping she will give me the missing pill. “They are out just go without it today.” I hear as she closes the door leaving me with my thoughts.. been a hot minute since ive delt with my anxiety without my hydro… will I be okay? I dont have time for this- where the heck is my water.. my eyes scanning my room till i see my light blue waterbottle, grabbing it I pop my pills into my mouth and get a good swig of my water.
I let out a dramatic sigh as i walk to my pile of clothes as if im going to wear a new outfit today. I pick up a pair of faided jeans and a oversized blue t-shirt. Id wear other shirts but they hug my chest and i- i dont have a binder and my mom wont get me one. Ding.. my thought bubble popped as i got a text message from my best friend stephen. “bro Alex you gonna get out here or what” did i not look at the time? i scramble to the bathroom to brush my teeth and make my hair look somewhat good thankfully my mom took me to a barber bc after i cut it it looked like shit. sorry man im coming out right now.. It looked like a scene from a movie me yelling bye to my mom and me hopping as i get my shoes on. Finally i get out to the front to meet steph.
“Is all the layers necessary? you look like your about to go to an ice show” he smirks at me. “Ha.. ha.. ha.. yes the layers are necessary because unlike you who has nothing to hide i have a whole ass chest to hide” i sigh “lets just get today overwith”- he offers his arm im guessing he feels bad. I decline because thats a thing couples do right? Hes my best friend and he has a huge crush on his other girl best friend and i dont want to ruin that for him. “Im sorry” he mumbles as we are almost at the school “i didn’t realize you have a hard time with your looks.. I- I MEAN IN THE- i cut him off “I understand steph dont worry its okay now go to class ill text you later and don’t forget to flirt with bella” i chuckle and walk off.
Everything is so loud between the kids the speaker and the slamming of lockers.. maybe coming without having my hydro was a bad decision.. alex no stop. As i walk through the halls i see tons of different people with different styles, i see friend groups. I wonder what it would be like to be in a group like this.. its always just been me and steph since middleschool when i was still Elena. But he has told me many times i need to branch out and have other friends not just him.. what am i saying me with other friends-! “Oh sorry” i was so lost in thought i had went head first into someone well he was quite tall i only reached his chest. “no biggie just watch where your going dude” he said as he bent down to pick up my books and as he did he saw the book that had my dead name on it.. its over im dead arent i? “Elena” “n..no Alex Elena is what my mom calls me” i say a little more confident “Ah i see” i could swear hes looking me up and down “well my name is luke” and ive got to go to class but i think we have met for a reason so maybe see you around? “How” i squeaked out a little two fast… “meet me by gate C at the end of the day and we can go get coffee” then he was gone as quickly as he was here he was gone. Was. was i just invited out to coffee?
