Chapter 1
Eight months later
Lexi
"How is she today?"
"No change." Cameron's voice is dull and garbled, like I'm hearing him speak from somewhere under the water. A hair brush rakes through my hair, it feels so good since I'm unable to scratch my own scalp.
Then a set of soft lips presses gently against my forehead. God, I wish I could move. What I wouldn't give to nuzzle against those lips.
"You're still doing it, huh? Giving this whole alternative lifestyle thing a go?" The other voice sounds like Hardy's.
Cameron laughs "you make it sound like I'm becoming gay or some shit. News flash brother, I already like dick."
"Now, is that any way for a man of the cloth to speak?" Hardy laughs.
"She squeezed my hand this morning, it's a sign. Maybe today will be the day she finally wakes up." Cameron says.
Wakes up? Wait, I'm here! I can hear you guys! I scream from inside my head. But it's useless, my body won't move, these damn eyes won't open. I'm trapped in here with nothing but
my thoughts.
"Hardy's gonna stay with you for a while, princess, I have to get back to my studies." Cameron sighs, then he leans down and kisses my cheek.
"May god watch over you and hear your prayers my love." He whispers.
Okay, I'll admit, that may have sounded very sweet, but honestly, I'm completely over this holy roller bullshit he's been spewing lately. What the hell is going on with this man? If he reads me one more line of scripture I think I'll... I'll do nothing, FUCK! I can't even move. GOD HELP ME!
"Is HE coming today?" Cameron asks.
"I don't know, I doubt it. Last I saw of him, he wasn't looking so good." Hardy replies.
"Good, I hope he drinks himself into an early grave."
"That's harsh, even for you, and not very Christian of you either, Father." Hardy snorts.
"Yeah well, what he's doing isn't right."
"I know, but he's working through his shit." Hardy says.
Everything goes quiet, then footsteps recede, the chair next to me creaks, and Hardy lets out a heavy sigh. "I guess it's just me and you, sweetheart." He says.
His full lips press against my hand softly kissing the back of it. Those lips are everything!
MOVE! STUPID HAND! LET HIM KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE!
I try to will it, to scream at my hand inside my head, but still nothing. What Cameron felt this morning was just an involuntary muscle twitch, nothing more. I've tried and tried but it's no use.
"I miss hearing your voice." Hardy whispers, then he turns my hand over and kisses the underside of my wrist. Butterflies erupt in my stomach.
"I'm sorry we weren't there for you." It's the same apology every single day, over and over. But I can't complain, it is sweet, besides his voice always lulls me back into that peaceful unconsciousness that I've become accustomed to.
I don't even know how long I've been locked in this hell. It feels like the cage all over again. Only now, it's my own body that's keeping me trapped, and I'm completely helpless.
The quiet comes again and I give in, falling deeper into that familiar darkness that slowly drags me away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four months later
Wrigley
"You actually made it for once. Gee, thanks for gracing us with your presence." Hardy snidely remarks.
"Fuck off."
"How much did you drink today, Wrigs? You gonna be able to keep your eyes open this time?"
"What do you fucking care, anyway? You've barely spoken a word to me in eight months!"
"Don't play stupid, Beaumont. You've been on a bender since the night we went to that club. You know what the fuck you did. You chose her, and alcohol, over your family during a time when we need you most!"
He always throws Riley in my face. "I fucked up! I've admitted it, thousands of times, and apologized! We just keep rehashing the same bullshit over and over here, Grey! Let it fucking go! I'm here, aren't I?"
"Why? Why the fuck are you here, Wrigs?"
"Because I still fucking love her you idiot!"
"Just her?"
I know what he means. The relationship between him, me, and Cam has been completely strained since Lexi overdosed.
I can't overcome this guilt I feel, not for her, not for me, not for them, not for anyone. I've tried, but it's eating me alive from the inside out. This is all my fault, so it's better to just stay drunk, that way, I don't have to deal with it, or remember the conversations like this one.
"Of course I still love you and Cam. Don't be ridiculous." I scoff.
"And Riley." He adds.
"It's complicated."
I don't love Riley, I thought maybe I could, but I can't. She's been a crutch though in my time of need. She doesn't tell me not to drink, she just lets me get wasted and helps me forget everything.
But she's too...easy. I really don't feel much for her if I'm being honest. Does that make me a dick? Probably. I know that she's in love with me, she flat out told me so, but I've never said it back. I'm incapable of feeling anything right now.
Besides, she's not...her. I think to myself as I stare at Lexi's corpse like body lying in the hospital bed. At least that scary fucking tube is out of her throat.
Four months ago she finally started breathing on her own, so I guess we should be thankful for small miracles.
She has significant brain activity, but just won't wake up. It's like she's hiding from the world inside of her own head. I don't blame her, I wish I could just crawl inside, curl my arms around her body, and hide with her.
I don't deserve her, none of us do, we never did. Okay maybe Hardy does, but Cam and I? We have our demons, regardless of what "Father Knight" might claim.
He's such a fucking hypocrite. "A man of god." It's all such bullshit, the second Lexi wakes up, he'll drop the holier than thou act and be first in line wanting to fuck her again. This religious crap is just his way of trying to keep his dick in his pants while she's incapacitated.
"Whatever, Wrigs. I've got a meeting to get to. Try and stay awake, don't just sit here watching TV. Talk to her for Christ's sake."
"Will you ever stop telling me what to do?"
"No, it's your own fault. You're the one that let me fuck you in the ass. So now you're my bitch the rest of the way out." Then he gives me a wink.
This is the first time in a year that Hardy's made a joke or flirted with me. I guess that's my reward for finally showing up.
He turns to pick up his suit jacket, and every muscle in his back ripples underneath his dress shirt. I swear that shirt's gonna rip in half at any second. Saliva pools in my mouth. He's a fucking beast now. He does nothing but go to meetings, workout, and sit here with Lexi.
As he slides on his jacket, one of Lexi's monitors starts beeping wildly.
"What the hell?" He says as we both whirl around.
Her spine stiffens and bows, then her limbs go rigid and her body starts writhing and seizing. The sight is utterly terrifying.
"WRIGS! GET A DOCTOR!" Hardy shouts, dropping his coat to rush to her bedside.
What happens next is an absolute blur. I don't know how I end up in the middle of the hallway yelling for help, but I do.
Alarms blare from Lexi's room then a barrage of doctors and nurses rush past me almost knocking me off my feet.
A few seconds later, Hardy is at my side with his hand is on my shoulder.
"You okay?" He asks, calmly. So calm that it's almost fucking scary.
"No! I'm not! What the hell was that? A seizure?"
His lips twitch, then draw up in each corner, giving me an elated smirk.
"That was her opening her eyes."
Tears of joy prick my own eyes as my heart leaps from my chest.
"Are you fucking with me?!"
"No. She definitely had a seizure though, but it was probably just her clawing her way back to us. She looked straight at me the second her eyes popped open, Wrigs."
I let out the biggest sigh of relief, a sigh that I've held in for an entire year.
"But it was still a seizure, so hopefully..." he starts to say just as a nurse comes out into the hallway.
"Ma'am, excuse me. Is she awake?" He asks, stopping the woman.
"She is, but I can't let you back in just yet. We still need to evaluate her. I'm going to call neurology right now. You can go ahead and call the rest of her family though. She's alert, but groggy." Then she rushes over to the nurses station.
"She's really awake." I whisper.
"I'll call Cam, can you call Beth and Halston."
"Yeah, sure thing."
"Wrigs, this was all you. She knew you were here." He says grabbing my arm before I can turn to make the call.
"I'm sorry it took so long for me to come."
"I know, it hasn't been easy for any of us."
"You deserve her, Hardy. Out of all of us, you can make her the happiest."
"Don't say that, we're still us. There is no division of just one of us winning her in the end. We're all in this together. She's our girl. So just get your fucking act together, okay?"
I nod, then lean in and clasp a hug around his neck.
"Thanks, man." I whisper.
He kisses my cheek with a quick peck.
"I still love you, ya stupid bastard." He chuckles as he pats my back.
"I love you too." Then I step away to make my phone call.
"Wrigley? Is everything okay, sweetie?" Beth says answering the call. God, I've missed her. She's become the mother that I never really had. I feel like absolute shit for not talking to her over this past year. We've texted a few times, well her texting me mostly, just to check in, but that's been the extent of it.
I pushed everyone away except Riley, now I can't get rid of her fast enough. I've tried, believe me. She tracked me down, then broke me down. It was just easier to be with her than not.
I hate to admit it, but I'm almost kind of afraid to try and break up with her. She's fucking crazy, like one of those people that love bombs you at first, then once they trap you and their true personality comes out. Her psycho ass tried to stab me this last time I attempted to break things off with her.
"Yeah Beth, things are better than good. Get to the hospital, our girl's awake." I say to her.
Beth gasps, then I hear a loud clink.
"Oh god, I'm sorry! I dropped the phone! I'll be right there!"
