I Thought I Knew

I thought I knew what love was, when I saw you walk in for the first time. When my instincts told me I wanted you, when I felt you brush against me only in passing. But you weren't mine, so as coworkers I gave you everything I had, all I had to give.

Though I was young and foolish, I know I loved you. Fool that I am I could not even tell you why, except that when I look at you I cease to think of anything else. When we make eye contact I get lost in your shades of green, deep and endless pools pulling me in until I hardly remember who I am. Countless times I have seen your siren eyes, and no less do I fall for them still.

I would step between you and danger a thousand times if only to guarantee your safety, would hold you when your boyfriends inevitably let a goddess like you down, as all us mortals try to make ourselves worthy of your attention. One of the greatest and most fulfilling moments in my life was at work, when a customer aggressively tried to get in your face and I came to protect you. You are the Princess Zelda to my Link, the Princess Peach to my Mario, unfortunately for my heart, like the latter, you are eternally in another castle.

I was always a stranger to love, only an observer in many stories, the background man made only to watch. Even still I do not crave the feeling after you. Though I have learned I can't have you, my mind does not thirst for anyone else. But how can I tell you, when it creates a chance for me to lose you? I would rather suffer a hundred lifetimes by your side as a friend than go through one without you, so intoxicating is your presence.

Yes, I was sad, when I learned that it wasn't just me. That you weren't even interested in me romantically, that you were just that much of an angel to everyone. It hurt until I scolded myself because I had no right to hurt over that. My heart only wanted to weep for you, but by then my tears had long since dried up. Alas, if you could only have known me when I was younger and full of life. Now I am only an unlit candle that must take flame where I can find it, oh sweet flame, putting heat in my dead heart once more. But I digress. You are the only match this candle can be lit by.

I suppose it is true, as the song says, "a man may drink and not be drunk." Though I was drunk on you, helplessly so, I've learned to love the taste and yet not be consumed by it. To not be obsessive, or strange, to hold my tongue when necessary. And perhaps only be drunk when I write of your memory, as it does sometimes still haunt me. But you are the most beautiful ghost in my head, and I would not have it any other way. To forever taste a good whiskey is superior than to drink a whole bottle all at once. At least now I've learned to savour the taste.

I thought love was all romance, sex and marriage, and then I was given a year with you, to work, to talk, to know you. And now I know that I am content to the end of my days just to be your sworn shield. My heart doesn't ache in your presence anymore, doesn't always flutter when you stand just a little too close to me. I've grown as a person because of you, and perhaps that is one of the truest loves there is.

In another life perhaps we would be lovers, but in this one I am happy to love you as a treasured friend.