BLUE

We were at the zoo and I had only one question in my mind, what the fuck am I doing here? It was already awkward meeting a stranger who I have never met, but it is even more awkward when they are your ex’s fiancé.

“Oh, the poor animals, why should they be caged like this?”

That is what Sara said. What? Poor animals? You don’t even care about dogs and now you suddenly want wild animals free?

“Aren’t zoo’s and national parks meant for protecting species from the wild?”

I have learnt that in my tenth grade and still don’t know if it is true

Sara glared at me.

Shit.

I was seriously not trying to mess this up, but I just blurted it out. I have always been like this with her, I just forgot her fiancé was next to her too.

“Why don’t we sit down and get something to eat? How about ice cream?” , Howard cheerfully pulled us towards a bench, “What flavour would you two like?”

“Chocolate” I said looking at the beautiful weather and wondering how peaceful it would have been, me alone at home, watching a movie and drinking coffee.

“Me too”

I waited till Howard left and spoke,“Can’t you just be normal?”

“I am being normal. You are not. I called you today because I thought you would help me not to make a mess, but you keep making things worse”

“You lied to him that you wanted chocolate”

She looked offended now, “I cannot just say I like mint, what would he think!?”

She stared at me, almost on the verge of tears and said, “what should I do?“, the same way when she rang my doorbell four years ago, late at night when the rain showed no sign of stopping any time soon. I knew only one person would be on the other end of the door.

She was drenched, had bruises on her right hand and held wet roses tightly with her fingers and a knife in her left hand. Was she going to kill me as an offer to god? Was that why she was sobbing like she was losing someone? I was not ready to die, but maybe I could try if the sacrifice offered me a chance of being rich in my next life.

I clutched her blue jacket and pulled her inside. I closed the door and walked to my room to give her new clothes. She had to get changed before she does anything to me. She always left her clothes here, so I picked a pair of pajamas and started running hot water.

She sat on the ground still sobbing. I lowered myself and looked at her eyes, her beautiful emerald eyes, even more when filled with tears. She looked back at me and dropped the knife. She held the roses with both her hands and shoved it on my chest.

“What should I do?”

I don’t know what you should do either. I felt bad for her and myself too.

“You are going to regret this. Even me. This will not end good and you can never handle this”

She nodded and sobbed more. I knew from the moment she pulled my hand and ran towards the bus in sixth grade that we would not be able to stop ourselves. I tried to just delay this as much as possible, but I knew, she would come to me crying asking me what should she do.

“Thank you” I heard Sara’s voice and opened my eyes.

“Are you tired?” She asked me. I didn’t say anything and took my ice cream as Howard offered it tme.

I just want to go home.