The Big Little Bus: Journey

I stretched and mumbled under my breath, still half asleep. I didn’t open my eyes yet, but I could tell there was some light in the room. I could hear birds as well, or something outside. Probably birds, I decided, but I wasn’t sure because I didn’t usually hear them in the morning. I stretched a little more, feeling the sheets brushing over my skin. I knew I wasn’t at home, but I was comfy, so I didn’t need to think any more about that until I woke up properly.

I knew there was something I needed to be doing, but it wasn’t urgent. I was going to try to be a good girl today, I’d decided that already. I was feeling super happy and wonderful, and I always thought that if I’m feeling good I should be good, and make it all balance out. After I’d stretched as much as I could, I pulled my hands in close again and stroked the soft, warm pyjamas that felt so warm and snuggly. I should probably fold them up neatly, I decided. That would make me a good girl, but before I tried that I’d have to get out of bed and find clothes for today. That was a lot of work for such a little girl, and I was sure it could wait awhile. So what else should I do, to be good?

I reached down to my tummy, and touched my pyjama bottoms. One hand could reach my legs without moving too much. Enough that I could be sure I hadn’t wet the bed. I felt a little surge of pride at that; I was being a good girl already.

Finally, I opened my eyes. The walls in front of me were plain white, not even a pretty colour. The curtains were closed properly, but they were so thin that I could see a faint glow of sunlight from outside. I could see two hands in front of me. One was wearing cute pyjamas with a pattern of pink ponies on, and after I’d giggled a little at the number of ’p’s I’d just thought in a row, I wiggled my fingers to make sure that one was mine. It was, of course. Even my hands were cute, but I think I could have been even cuter if I’d painted my nails pink to match the pyjamas. I wondered if I was old enough to be allowed makeup.

The other hand was much bigger, and was on the end of a hairy arm that reached around my tummy. A little thought told me it must be Daddy’s arm, hugging me close all night. When I thought about Daddy I almost squealed in delight. But I kept my excitement to myself for a little bit, because I thought it might still be early and I didn’t want to wake him up. I wriggled a little bit and turned over to get a good look at the man who made me so happy.

“You’re excited this morning, aren’t you?” Daddy said, before I’d even finished rolling over. His eyes were still closed, but he was smiling too. He didn’t have any pyjamas on, and I wondered if he was cold. But he had hair on his arms and his chest, so maybe that was keeping him warm.

“Did I wake you up?” I asked, hoping that didn’t mean I wasn’t such a good girl after all. I hadn’t squealed, or at least I hadn’t meant to. But I wasn’t totally sure.

“You did. But that’s okay, we got an early night last night, didn’t we? So we can have an early start today. Or would you like a little lie in?”

“We can get up!” I suddenly moved closer and hugged my Daddy, squeezing him as hard as I could. I’d remembered why we were in a tiny hotel in the middle of nowhere, and I couldn’t wait to get back on the bus. “Thank you Daddy! I love you!”

“And I love you,” he held me still for a moment so he could kiss me right in the middle of my forehead. I laughed again; I couldn’t help it. “Would you like to start the day with me asking how you feel? Just to make sure everything is right.”

“Okay! And I feel okay. No, I feel great! Wonderful! Amazing! Incredibubble!” I kept on talking until my voice sank in a sea of giggles at all the words I could think of to meen wonderful.

“That’s good,” Daddy opened his eyes at last and sat up, giving his own stretch as the covers tumbled off. I didn’t need to stretch, I’d already done it, but I held out my arms anyway so he wasn’t doing it by himself. “Now, how old are you? Are you a little girl or a big girl?”

“I’m…” I started, and I had to think about it a bit. That was embarrassing, so I jumped to my feet and danced around on the scratchy carpet a bit until an answer came to me. “I’m twenty-something! But I don’t feel like it, I’m still a little girl, and that’s why I’m so happy. I want to be a little girl for ever and ever and ever, even when I’m like a thousand years old. Can I do that, Daddy? Can you help me be a little girl forever?”

“Of course I can,” he grinned and ruffled my hair as soon as I ducked close enough.

He wasn’t my real Dad, of course. He was just my Daddy, an amazing man who could turn me back into a little girl whenever he wanted, and make me feel so happy and bouncy that no bad things could even get close to me. I knew there was more to it than that, and for a moment I tried to remember all the things I was forgetting. But I knew right away that I’d only forgotten those things because it was more fun not to know, so I could let go and stop trying. I didn’t need to remember what had happened to make me feel so good, because I was too little to understand some things.

I started dancing again, and when I turned around Daddy was standing right next to me. He was strong, and he was so much bigger than me. I knew he could make me do what he said even if I didn’t want to, but I also knew that was never going to happen. I loved Daddy and he loved me, and everything about him was just perfect. I took a little skip backwards so I could look at him properly, and I felt my smile change as I took in what I was seeing.

Daddy just slept in his boxers last night, and they were very tight. In the half-light of dawn, I could make out the shape of all his muscles, and I knew how beautiful he was. Maybe not the kind of figure that ancient sculptors would have chiselled out of a block of granite, but the kind of body that I was sure they should be immortalising. I couldn’t just ignore that body. I couldn’t ignore the tent in his boxers either, morning wood making a promise that some part of me desperately hoped he could follow through on.

“I… uhh…” I mumbled, struggling to find the right words as I stared at something that could easily penetrate through my veneer of childish innocence. “I don’t feel so little now.”

“Do you need some help with that?” His grin was open and honest. He must have known what the sight of him was doing to me, but he just stood there and asked me to make a choice. I was sure that whatever I asked for, he would do his best to give me what I wanted.

“I want to be a grownup,” I whispered, feeling the hormones surging through my body as if they’d never taken a break. “I want you. Is there time? I can be little later.”

“Of course. I love you, Emma. And I want you more than you can imagine.”

I hooked my thumbs over the waistband of the childish pyjamas, and let them drop the the floor before I threw myself at Rob. He could easily have caught me, but today he allowed himself to fall back onto the bed, so I could straddle him with my hands on his chest and heart pounding. He’d called me Emma now, and names were important. I’d spent years in secret pretending I could be a child again, and in the last few months he’d provided me with hypnosis CDs to make it happen. Now, any time he called me Emily I could see myself as a child again, and not worry about any of the adult concerns that filled my day-to-day life. But when he said Emma, all my adult thoughts came rushing back and I was ready to jump him at every chance I got.

I didn’t waste any time this morning. I quickly freed his manhood from his underwear, while he lay back and let me take the initiative. It was probably the first time since we met that I’d done anything myself, rather than doing what he said or asking for permission. I lay on top of him and kissed him deeply, then traced a line of tiny kisses along his collarbone and down his chest. I didn’t know what I was doing in any kind of detail, but I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of finesse. I was wet, I was ready, and as I positioned myself on top of him I could be sure he was just as eager.

I’m not completely innocent, I know how to ride a guy. I’ve had boyfriends before, and I’ve enjoyed sex. But it’s never been a big deal like it was with Rob. Just from knowing that he could control me so completely, my mind seems to dissolve. Or maybe it was something to do with my feelings, something I couldn’t describe and didn’t really understand. As I lowered myself onto him, I was sure I’d explode at the first touch. But his lips shaped the word “Wait,” and I found that I wanted to obey him almost as much as I wanted his body. Was he going to tease me, and keep me on the edge like this all morning? I’d heard that some people were into that, but to me it seemed like some hellish torture. But this was Rob asking me, Daddy, so I waited. His hands darted into one of the suitcases beside the bed and came back with a tiny, foil-wrapped package. I couldn’t believe I’d not thought of protection myself; even when I was an adult, Daddy was the responsible one.

Then we were ready, and I couldn’t hold back a second longer than I had to. I lowered myself onto him, and gasped as his hands pulled me closer still. I bucked and writhed, giving up on control and simply trying to ride him as fast and hard as I could. His hands roamed over my body, and I did everything I could to make those minutes of contact more intense. I’m sure it was good for him too, but in my mind it was incredible. I was lying on top of him for so many minutes afterwards, unable to think of any reason to move. We were as close as two bodies could be, both breathing heavily and trying to recover our wits.