Chapter 1
My life had never seemed so odd and empty as it did at that moment. I was unsure whether to cry and give up or to scream and run back to the safety of my home. Standing on my front porch, I felt so small as I watched the men take away everything that had meant something to me.I had never felt so isolated and hopeless with so much tragedy surrounding me.
I wished I could plead with the bank for more time to settle my mom’s debt. I wanted to shout about how unfair their actions were. How could everything change so quickly in just one month? A month ago, I had a mom and a home, and I felt safe. But now... I had nothing... Just an aunt I had never met, living on a farm far away.
I understood that leaving my mom’s house would be risky and frightening, and I might face bad situations. Mom had warned me about what could happen, and I dreaded the thought of stepping outside. There were so many things that could go wrong. Mom told me that men would grab women and try to kiss them, among other terrible things. Because of this, I was not allowed to leave home or make friends, as it was safer that way.
I often thought about other women. How could they go out alone and attend school without anyone to protect them when I felt too scared to even step outside? Mom insisted that men were dangerous and would want to take me because of my appearance.
I never fully grasped why my mom behaved that way or why we had to be so scared all the time, but I believed she wanted to keep me safe from harm, and I appreciated that. I grew up in a cottage far from the city, with no close neighbors or friends. It felt like we were cut off from the world, safe from danger, and we enjoyed a peaceful, happy life together. We kept each other company, handled household chores, and spent time reading while enjoying tea and homemade cookies.
I didn’t mind this lifestyle. It could feel lonely at times, and I would worry about my mom passing away. But overall, life was good, and we had plenty of activities to keep us busy.My father had died when I was very young, so I had no memories of him. I would go out for groceries and to church with my mom, but she always made me wear a hat to cover myshowy-in her words- white-blonde hair, saying it was better not to let others see it.
I felt lonely because I had no friends and couldn’t talk much with anyone at church. Occasionally, we had visitors, but Mom always told me to stay in my room to keep me safe. She taught me everything I needed to know to be a good woman. I learned to cook, bake, sew, and take care of our home and animals. I was smart and loved to read. I didn’t have a TV or a phone, and I often wondered when Mom would let me have one. Sometimes, I thought about getting a job or traveling on my own. I wanted to talk to someone other than her. But she always seemed so worried that I didn’t push the issue. It felt easier that way.
We sometimes had visits from different men. Some brought flowers, gifts, and chocolates. Mom never let them into the house and would yell at them to leave and not come back. I didn’t understand why she was so angry. Some of them were handsome, just like the characters in my books.
It would be nice to talk to them, but I knew they were bad and would hurt me, so I kept quiet. I stayed by my window, watching them walk back to their cars with the beautiful flowers they had brought with them. I wondered if they were coming to see me, but that seemed unlikely since I rarely spoke to anyone, especially strangers.
Sometimes, the sheriff would visit, and Mom taught me to tell him I was safe and happy, and that nothing was wrong at home. He often looked worried and spoke sternly to Mom about something. She told me not to worry about those little things, so I never thought there was anything wrong with our lives. The only time I tried to leave on my own ended badly, and I never wanted to go through that again.
Mom surprised me one afternoon by saying I should ride my bike to the city to buy groceries by myself. The store was about 30 minutes away, and she encouraged me to use the bike I rarely rode. I felt so happy and excited because it was unusual for Mom to suggest something so adventurous. I had a big smile, thinking I was about to have my first adventure and maybe even make a new friend.
However, that day turned out to be terrible. On my way, a scary man appeared. He looked big and menacing and tried to grab me off my bike, chasing me like a madman. I rushed home in fear and never wanted to go out alone again. Mom was sweet and comforted me, saying the outside world could be like that. She advised me to listen to her and stay safe, never thinking about running away.
Leaving never crossed my mind again. Sometimes, I felt restless thinking about life after Mom was gone... But it seemed too dangerous to even consider leaving, so I pushed those thoughts away.
Now that Mom was truly gone,I had to find courage... I had to be brave...!The funeral and the visitors were frightening and overwhelming. Some men approached me, eager to help, offering to cover my expenses and find me a place to stay. I didn’t understand their intentions, but the Pastor’s wife intervened, telling them to leave me alone. She was the one assisting me with all the funeral arrangements.
“Sweetheart,” she said gently, “Wouldn’t you prefer to stay with us for a while? Your mom mentioned you were very sick and couldn’t take care of yourself, so I imagine traveling for long hours would be hard for you.”
I didn’t recall being sick or anything similar, so I was confused about why Mom would say that to the nice lady. I really didn’t know what to think... So much was happening, and I had no idea how to handle it. Mom never taught me about going to the registry or anything like that, and it felt odd that we had no money and owed the bank. If it weren’t for the Pastor’s wife being so kind, I don’t know what I would do.
Ten different gentlemen had offered me help and money. I didn’t know why because I didn’t know any of them. One insisted I should stay at his home and not worry because he would take care of me. He looked to be around forty and was attractive, but I wondered why he would want to help me.
Mom was right about men. They looked at me in a strange way, as if I were a possession they wanted to claim. “Honey, Hailey... I never understood your mom’s way of raising you. I tried to talk to her many times, but she wouldn’t listen. I don’t want to speak badly of her, but...” The pastor’s wife said worried. “I feel she protected you too much, and you are so beautiful... I’m afraid men will try to persuade you to go with them. Do you understand their intentions?”I understood they could be dangerous and that I should avoid them.
“Mom said men are bad and would try to take me away,” I told the kind lady. She looked shocked as if she couldn’t believe what I had said. “That’s not entirely true. There are good men in this world. I tried to explain this to Bethany. Not all men are bad. She should have taught you how to keep yourself safe. Why don’t you stay with me, dear? You don’t have to leave so suddenly. You are too young and naive to be alone, darling.” I wanted to say yes, but Mom told me to trust only my aunt. I liked the pastor’s wife; she seemed kind and caring. But without a home and means to support myself, I thought I should go to my aunt’s place where things would be better.
“I should go to my aunt because that’s what mom wanted. But I really appreciate your kindness, ma’am.”
It would be easy. I would take the bus for many hours, and my aunt would drive to the station to collect me. I called her, and she sounded both happy and surprised by my news. I think she and my mom were never very close since I had never visited or talked to my aunt before. She gave me her address and sent me some money to buy the tickets. It wouldn’t be too hard... I was confident I could manage it.
“Alright... I don’t want to push you. Please take this.” She placed some cash and an item I didn’t recognize in my hand. “This is a mace, and you use it like this,” she demonstrated, “if any man tries to... hurt you, aim for his eyes, okay sweetie? Also, take this phone; it has emergency contacts and my number. Please be careful, Hailey. Your mom was right about one thing: you are too pretty, and you need to stay safe, dear. Call me anytime, alright? I’ll take you to the station.“She drove me to the bus station and looked very worried about leaving me alone. I felt nervous too and wished I could just accept her kindness and stay with her forever. I wasn’t sure if I could protect myself if something really bad happened.
“Don’t talk to strangers, okay? Just because a man says nice things doesn’t mean you can trust him. Some men will try to approach you, dear... If I had more time, I would explain better...” She spoke with a heavy heart. “There are both good and bad men, and I hope you find a good one in your new life. Just be cautious and wait to talk to anyone until you see your auntie, alright?“I nodded, holding my bag tightly against my chest, feeling anxious. I was about to travel for many hours to a place I didn’t know. Auntie mentioned it was full of farms and horses, and that I would have a good life there.
I just wished for a safe journey and hoped my mom was still alive. With that thought in mind, I boarded the bus with my bag and waved goodbye to the pastor’s wife through the window. She looked worried and concerned. As the bus began to move, I closed my eyes, hoping to reach my auntie’s soon.
