Losing Mom
The news couldn’t have come at a worse time. He was getting grilled in court, fighting tooth and nail to win the case. The defense had just brought forth new evidence that Harvey hadn’t had time to analyze yet. Determined to win, he knew he could do it, but with so much happening in his personal life, he hadn’t had the time to build the case properly. That was his fault, but he had been spending 20 hours days between his personal life and work. Okay - maybe it was his fault, his stupid associate was of no use, he should honestly just let him go. How could he have not seen this coming? Even though he was sleep deprived, he had never let personal life interfere with his work before.
His phone rang. He was caught off guard, the ring tone sounded like his. But, he could have sworn he turned his phone off before entering the courtroom, in all the hubbub, he must have forgotten. He was shaken out of his thoughts by a voice calling, "Mr. Specter, Mr. Specter." He looked up at the judge, the judge gesturing him to answer his phone. He gestured sorry back and quickly pulled out his phone to silence it. He caught a glimpse of the Caller Id, he paused, pursed his lips, and swallowed. He let a soft breathe escape him, and he said in full fledged confidence — "I'm sorry, Your Honor, I have to take this. Can we recess”? He couldnt let his image falter worse than it was going.
He didn't hear the judge's response, but he was pretty sure there was a nod. He tried his hardest to maintain his composure. However, his body was drowning in panic, he felt the sweat forming, his hands getting hot and clammy. His body temperature rising by the second. He fled from the courtroom, flipping his phone open and bringing it to his ear. “Harvey Specter," he answered.
He doesn’t recall the rest of the conversation, everything around him fading out of focus. Unaware of his surrounding, his mind trying so hard to focus on the phone but failing miserably. He took a breath, everything finally catching up to him. In the whirlwind of words, he heard the doctor's soft voice saying, "I'm sorry, we did everything we could”. Those words repeated over and over in his ears. He slumped down on the bench in the courthouse, trying to take in everything that had just happened. Despite their past differences, he couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and regret for the lost time that could never be regained. It was a moment that made him reflect on the fragility of life and the importance of forgiveness.
His mind raced back to the last conversation he had with his ex-wife. They had recently reconnected after their nasty divorce. She had left him because he was never around, always consumed by his work. He couldn't help but think of all the moments they missed, all the words left unsaid.
His job had consumed him, coming home late after spending nights in the office working, attending client dinners, and dealing with emergencies. The list went on and on. It began to look like excuses to not spend time with his wife. She had felt his absence for a long time.
The marriage had left him with a son, Mike. He was a beautiful baby boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Mike was advanced for age, always hitting milestones well before the anticipated age range. , Harvey recalled the few moments he had with Mike, but he had hardly seen him in the past six years. He claimed work kept him busy, but the truth was Harvey Specter didn’t do kids. He was New York's best closer; he didn’t have time to waste on emotions.
Now, he had become the only living relative of his son’s. The weight of this new reality pressed heavily on his shoulders. He realized that he had to step up and be there for him, no matter how difficult it might be. The responsibility was daunting, but he knew he had no other choice but to try his best for his son’s sake.
He called Jessica to explain the situation. She had been understanding of it having previously known what was going on. While, Harvey didn’t tell her everything, they told each other just enough. She had already disapproved on the fact that he decided not to be apart of his son’s life. She had said that his son needed a father figure. But Harvey never had one, and he turned out just fine. His dad had been traveling all across the country on his band tours. Sure he called once or twice, on various birthdays, during holidays, sometimes random Friday nights when shows had been cancelled. On second thought, maybe he had more of a father figure in his life than he thought. Before his mind spiraled, he had to keep himself grounded.
Harvey had to keep moving, that was the only way he was going to survive this. He had to keep going. Constantly moving. That’s what he was good at. Not letting anything affect him, he tried to stay strong for the sake of appearances. He reminded himself that emotions make you weak. He was better off without them.
The next thing he knew, Harvey was opening the doors to the hospital. He had told Ray to take the night off, he would catch a taxi on the way back. Ray didn’t need to be subjected to his emotions - no one did. He walked to reception, feeling his body go numb, unsure which emotion he should be feeling. He paused before asked the receptionist if there had any news about his ex-wife. After receiving no information aside from what was conveyed on the phone, he spotted Mike hugging his knees in the corner, slowly rocking himself back and forth. Harvey slowly made his way next to him and carefully sat down.
He looked at Mike, almost analyzing him. If Mike didn’t remember Harvey due to a lack of contact, Harvey should approach the situation with sensitivity and compassion. He debated reintroducing himself gently and explaining who he is. He debated saying “Mike, I’m your dad, Harvey. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I’m here for you.” But before he could force the words out, Mike slowly turned his head to upward to look toward at him.
Harvey took in the sight of this son, his blond hair unkept and in desperate need of a haircut. Mike moved his arms from his knees, soft tears escaping his baby blue eyes, and just leaned into his dad giving him a side hug. A sad smile on Harvey’s face as he watched the kid. He put his hand on Mike’s face, attempting to wipe away the tears and bring his son closer to him. Mike spoke a soft “Dad?”, a soft hiccup escaped his lips from all the crying that took place moments before.
Harvey’s paternal instinct took over, he pressed a gentle kiss into the son’s hair, gently stroking the back of Mike’s hair, in hopes to provide some comfort, and whispered “It’s okay, I’m here”.
