Chapter 1
“Raiden!” Mom calls, shaking me gently. At least it’s not Dad, he’s mean. I sit up, rubbing my eyes.
“What?”
“It’s time to get up for school.”
Her eye was bruised and swollen, a look I was getting used to. The women at church always asked her why she wore sunglasses inside.
She jokes it’s to prevent herself from going blind by Heaven’s Light, or something like that. I think she’s just making that up, because she only does it after Dad hits her. He works at the church, and the townspeople love him.
“I don’t want to go today, Mom, the kids are all mean.”
“Well,” Mom sighs, shaking her head. “If I keep you home, your dad can’t find out.”
“I won’t tell him,” I promise, sitting up straighter and putting my pinky out. “It’ll be our little secret! Mom, I don’t want to be bullied anymore!”
“You didn’t say you were being bullied!” Mom exclaims. “How come you haven’t said anything?”
“It wasn’t that bad, they’d just tease me and ask if my dad would pray for theirs. I’d tell them, sure, he will, and they’d laugh it off. Now they’ve started calling me ‘Daddy’s Boy’ and they ask me if I’m in love with him. They say I’m weird because of how big my clothes are and the long sleeves I never take off.”
“You don’t take those sleeves off, do you?”
I shake my head. “No, I just try to ignore them, but, Mom, they’re awful!” I plead with her, but she sits back, thinking about it.
“You’re gonna be late. In the meantime, get ready while I talk to your father.”
Mom leaves the room, and I push the covers aside, groaning as I get myself ready. Perks of being an only child: I get woken up by Mom in the morning and don’t have to fight over the bathroom.
I brush my teeth, watching the foam bubble down my chin before spitting. I think about taking Dad’s toothbrush and dipping it in the toilet I hadn’t flushed yet, but figured I knew better than to do anything. He wouldn’t notice anyway.
I looked back at the mirror, spitting on it before heading back to my room to get dressed. I stopped at the top of the stairs, first, trying to hear what Mom and Dad were talking about.
“Harry, he’s being bullied. Maybe we should keep him home for a little while and let the jokes die down? I mean, I know I didn’t appreciate the things bullies said- and they hadn’t even been talking to me! You know how cruel kids can be, and Raiden, well, he doesn’t need that kind of stress.”
“My son will not be bullied!” Dad roars, as if it was some sort of act that had already been determined. “If he wants to stay home, that’s fine,”
“Oh, really? Thank you! I know he’ll be okay, I think he just needs to take a little break.”
“If he wants the bullying to continue.” Dad finished his sentence, which stunned Mom. “He needs to man up, tell them to fuck off. Don’t be such a little pussy and they won’t bully him.”
It felt as if my heart was being squeezed, tight like a killer would a knife. I like knives. Sometimes when Mom and Dad go out I go into the kitchen and get a feel of the knives.
I feel for the weight and size of them, the sharpness of the blades. It’s meant to prepare me, because one day I’m gonna kill Dad.
It’s bad enough he’s mean to me, it’s even worse when he lays his hands on my mom. I clench my fist, imagining what it would be like to plunge a knife deep into Father Zuri’s throat.
The whole town loves him, save for the high school boys who often call him Daddy Zuri. They nicknamed me Baby Zuri and sometimes ask if I want to follow in Daddy’s footsteps.
I don’t. When I become old enough, I’m running away. I’ll get a job washing stuff and babysitting anything, from pets to real kids, anything to make money. I gotta get out of here.
Mom sighs, and I go back to getting ready. I put my backpack on and head outside, glancing at the car before heading towards the school.
We’re close enough to walk, but Mom insists she drive.
“I wouldn’t want anyone to kidnap you! Bad things happen to kids who get picked up off the street!”
It doesn’t take a road to make bad things happen to kids. Mom doesn’t understand that some humans are monsters no matter where they find their victims.
I’m too young to know about that stuff, I know. If I ever told anyone or talked about it when the adults bring it up, they’d look at me like I’m crazy.
How do you know about that? You’re only eight years old! You shouldn’t even know how sex works!
Well, I do. Because it’s a nasty world out there. But, like you said, I’m only eight, so I shouldn’t and presumably don’t know anything. Just the stupid things kids make up in their minds.
I walk into the building, and the secretary glances at me. “Late again, Mr. Raiden Zuri.”
“You know it,” I joke, strolling through and heading to class. Mrs. Anita raises an eyebrow as I take my seat and get out my homework, but she continues teaching.
She checks my homework before starting the new lesson and I make eye contact with one of the jerks who bully me.
I need to man up, right? Tell them to fuck off and all, but I’ll get punished for fighting them. See, Dad has double standards, and no one lives up to even one of them.
I’m told to pray, all of my problems will go away. But God doesn’t listen. Not to me, anyway. I keep wishing Dad will die or something, but he’s still going strong.
It’s his birthday this weekend, so we’ll either be at the church for a big party, or I’ll be stuck at home with him and all of his friends. Oh, what a nice place you have, your son is so polite! What a cool name, where’d you come up with it? Blah blah blah.
None of them actually cared, but they had to pretend. Dad would be 51. He’s pretty old, if you ask me. I was an accident, and that doesn’t mean he has to love me.
At recess, Dominic came up to me, shoving me backwards. “What’s up, Baby Zuri. I heard you like eating your boogers. Do you toast them gently first?”
His goons laugh, and I roll my eyes.
“Oh, nevermind. I forgot you toast them before getting them out with that dragon snout of yours.”
“Ha ha, you’re so funny. Look at me, laughing. It’s so funny, it’s almost like I can’t.” I make to move past him, but he blocks me.
“Listen here,” His breath smelt like onions, and he was one to make fun of my larger nose. “It’s you versus me for life, got it?”
I can’t help but smile, and a little chuckle escapes, too. “Are you serious right now? You’re literally choosing to dislike me when you can just grow up and get over yourself? Got it.”
“No, I’m not choosing anyone.” Dominic’s nostrils flare. “Your daddy made you a target, you should talk to him.”
“What did my dad ever do to you?”
“My sister confessed some things to him.” Dominic’s also eight. I guess whatever he’s heard couldn’t be good; it’s my understanding his sister is sixteen.
“Why do you know what your sister confessed to him? That’s supposed to remain between the booth, God, and the preacher present. Sometimes there isn’t one.
“Also, your sister definitely doesn’t seem to be the type to go to church to confess to things. What’d she do, get herself pregnant? Maybe if she kept her butt covered-”
“Listen!” Dominic’s voice rose, and I stepped back instinctively.
“I’m listening,” I finally say, in a low whisper.
“She told him she was bisexual. She said she’s had sex with and kissed other girls and stuff. She didn’t want to go to Hell, so she begged him and God to forgive her. She wants to see eternal life in Heaven, but she thinks God might reject her.”
“God loves everyone unconditionally.” I answer automatically. But does He? “He wouldn’t reject her because she likes girls. He looks past the flaws in people and loves them nonetheless.”
“Yeah, okay,” Dominic snickers. “Coming from the kid who probably reads the Bible as a bedtime story.”
“There’s nothing wrong with educating yourself on our Lord and Savior.”
“Yeah, okay, ‘Lord and Savior’. Too bad He didn’t save my sister.”
“There isn’t anything to save your sister from.” I replied coolly. “I don’t know what you think I could do to save her, either. I’m just Father Zuri’s son. You want me to go kiss his feet and beg him for mercy?”
“No, I want you to destroy his house. I need to get revenge on him, and you’re either gonna help me or let me.”
I can’t help but laugh again. “Revenge? For what? Did he tell your sister she was doomed to go to Hell? I’m sorry, but he says stuff like that all the time. It’s what she believes, and if she wants to live in Heaven all she has to do is ask for forgiveness. It’s not exactly an unforgivable sin.”
“She shouldn’t have to apologize for who she is!”
“I’m not saying she should,” I sigh. “I’m just saying she isn’t doomed to Hell. She’s still young, she has time to repent. And also, there’s other things you could go to Hell for. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to Hell for kissing girls.”
Dominic eyed me, as if he was debating punching me or not. I need to man up, hopefully this would be enough to make him leave me alone. He was always picking on me, I had just learned to ignore him. The best I could, at least.
“I have to get revenge on your dad because he’s a fucking sicko.”
Like that was news to me.
“Oh, wow. Too bad I don’t care-”
Dominic grabbed me, shoving me backwards against the wall of the rock climbing thing. Teachers couldn’t see us, we were under the playground. I regretted coming out here, but I didn’t want to sit in the sun and the tree was crowded.
“Listen here you little twig.” Dominic snarled. “Your beloved daddy touched my sister. She says he put his hands up her skirt and was feeling on her boobs. That’s not cool, now, is it?”
I shake my head.
“She says he made her touch him, too. Grab his penis and stroke it a little.” He was shaking and my heart was pounding. “That’s not cool! You know she’s just a kid, too. Your daddy’s a pervert. I can only wonder how many other kids got felt up by their beloved preacher.”
Too many. “I’m not him, so you’re picking a fight with the wrong guy,” I answer.
A whistle blows, signaling the end of recess. Dominic lets me go, glaring at me. “I’m serious, your daddy’s a creep and should be locked up. He’s not gonna be so loved much longer.”
“Go ahead, that won’t affect me.” Before he can grab me again I sprint off, getting in line for everyone to head back inside.
Dominic appears, cutting in the front of the line. Kids glance back at me awkwardly, as if I was some kind of alien. Maybe they think I really am, since I never talk to any of them and stick to myself unless I’m being bullied.
In class, we learn stupid things. I can’t focus on learning any of the cursive we’re going over. None of it will matter, I’m never gonna have to sign my name anywhere. Why, you may wonder?
I’m getting out of here someday. I’m running away and never going to have to sign anything ever. No certificates, no confirmations, nothing. Ever.
After school, I walk home. Dad would be at church, probably going on about how good our Holy Father is. Too bad He ignores us sometimes.
I open the door and smell dinner. Mom always had food prepared at exactly four o’clock for him. I guess he can’t cook or anything. It’s too unmanly for him.
I sit at the table and fiddle with an empty cup, watching Mom put the finishing touches on dinner. “They were at it again.” I say.
She sighs. “I tried to get your father to let you stay home. He thinks you should fight them. He doesn’t understand that kids are different these days. You guys don’t fight each other anymore, you all have other ways to defend yourself.”
“Dad tells me he used to get into knife fights,” I say casually. “I find it hard to believe. I mean, who would want to fight him? They would probably lose.”
“As they did,” Mom says, finishing the sides for dinner. “I remember watching a few, thinking he would lose. But your father, he,” She pauses. “He fights dirty sometimes.”
All the time. “Mom, someone said something today. I couldn’t ignore it.”
Mom turns around, listening intently as I tell her everything Dominic said.
She shakes her head. “See! Kids these days with their imaginations. Honey, your dad follows the word of the Lord, and you know what He says about hurting kids.”
“Those people go to Hell, I know, Mom.”
“Right, and your father seeks eternal life in Heaven. Why would he do such a thing to doom himself?”
“You’re right, Mom.”
She smiles. “Your dad’s a good man. He just has his days.”
Yeah, he has his days when you’re not around.
