Vampiric Love

No one can ever doubt that I loved him, but it was just too much. It was to the point that I wasn’t even me anymore. I would have given up everything for him. He was all that I thought about. Sadly, that’s just what he wanted. It was an accident; I swear. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It wasn’t like one of the vampire shows or movies, either. He just told me it didn’t even matter. Matthew walked up to me in the lunch line after his family transferred to our school and told me that I was his mate. I didn’t know what to think. I was just so happy to be wanted so absolutely. To meet the person that I was supposed to be with forever. And this would be forever.

My family couldn’t stand him. My brother went out of his way to make plans with me so that I couldn’t spend time with Matthew. I used to get way too upset. I had just wanted to spend time with my mate so I would throw a fit half of the time. Which caused my parents to say that I would miss Elliot when he was in college. We were always close so before Matthew. Elliot was protective, but he would have respected my choice if he thought I was safe. That should have been the first red flag. Elliot was right I wasn’t safe with Matthew.

His family didn’t care about me. I was just another human to them. That was the second red flag. It didn’t dawn on me that if I was Matthew’s mate they would invite me into their family. His ‘parents’ would become mine in a way but they looked at me like gum on their shoe. They all did. Even Matthew, they all saw me as beneath them. I was just a walking lunch box to them. I wish I knew then what I knew now. How they saw me…

As the years passed from freshman to senior year. I grew more and more revolted by him. Matthew wanted me to be ready for a life as undead, so he would take me with him when he hunted… humans. I was so terrified and filled with hatred. That’s what he wanted me to be… A monster covered in blood who laughed as my victims screamed. He would wipe the blood on my lips and kiss me after a fresh kill… I lost my stomach every time. Not when I was around him, otherwise, he would mock me and tell me I was unworthy. That hurt more than anything. I was his mate, of course, I was worthy. I just wasn’t used to it yet, I thought. They would always scream and so much blood everywhere… It was too much.

My freshman year was the best year of my life. At least, I thought it was. I was wanted and loved. Matthew was the hottest guy in school and I was his mate. He wasn’t showing me his dark side yet. Matthew… never Matt, showered me with gifts. There were so many flowers and chocolates. All the girls were jealous. Their boyfriends didn’t do that for them. Not that they knew what he was, it was a secret only for us, he said. For once, I was popular and not an outsider. I was dating the football star. Life couldn’t get any better. It was like one of those fairy-tale movies where the prince came to save the princess locked in the tower. However, as the year went on he started getting darker. It was slow he started as the sun at noon, bright and warm, but when the year was over, he was late afternoon. My prince was looking like the villain in my fairytale. More like the wolf stalking Red Riding Hood. I was lunch, he was just letting me marinate. I hadn’t known it yet. I wish I had…

I learned so much, even before the school year ended. Some myths were true and others are so obviously false. They could go out into the sun, that’s how they have interacted with humans for years. That’s how they stayed undetected. No one except their human mates could know before they were changed, of course. Silver can kill anything and so can stakes. They can see themselves in mirrors as long as they aren’t made of silver. Vampires have no special abilities such as mind control or psychic powers. The speed and strength are true and terrifying. They have this allure to them to keep their prey captive… I know that one firsthand. They also don’t need to kill you to drink your blood. To turn someone in was a special ritual or so I was told. It helps to think of it like a biology book passage about an animal. It makes it less scary like I will never have to face this wild beast.

The summer after my freshman year that’s when he was like the sky at sunset. Light at some points and dark at others. No one saw, except my brother, Elliot. My parents might not have liked him but they didn’t see that I was getting more and more tired. I didn’t laugh like I used to. Matthew was smothering my light like when you blow out a birthday candle. I was getting lessons in vampire etiquette. It was dark and disturbing. I was not spared any gory detail. He had talked about taking me hunting but we never got the chance. I was disappointed then, now I wish I never had begged to go hunting with him. We also got physical that summer. Sometimes it was good. Other times it hurt so bad, that I would have bruises, he lost himself in the pleasure he told me. He told me he wanted his first time to be with me and that I should share my first time with him. I believed him when I was young and thought he loved me… I knew now that was just another thing to lure me in… To break me…

I also started working at the ice cream shop, which Matthew was mad about that. He would yell at me and call me names… Worthless… Spoiled… Ungrateful… Suddenly every other girl was prettier than me and he wished they were his mate but he got stuck with me. Then, he would apologize and say I made him react that way. I dyed my hair for the first time that summer because my hair was not the right shade of red for him. I got contacts too. My green eyes were too plain for him. He started drinking from me as well. It was my job as his mate to sustain him until I was turned. He never bit me, though. He said he wanted to only bite me once. So he would use his nails to slice open my flesh wherever he wanted and drink from me until I was dizzy. Tasting…

Elliot had tried to get me to open up. He said he would protect me, he thought it was issues at work or kids from school. Elliot never begs but he begged me. Just another red flag… I had lost count at this point. Even then I knew he was no match against Matthew. Elliot would be a senior come the school year. He would be gone soon anyway. Matthew loved me… He would never hurt me. The bruises and cuts should have told me otherwise…

My sophomore year was exhausting the entire time. I barely got any sleep, between school, work, and vampire lessons. He was also drinking regularly from me. I was allowed at parties now, which kept me up late as well. Matthew didn’t want to miss any. Matthew often disappeared while at parties. He would make me drink until I couldn’t remember the night. That scared me the most. I would wake up in my bed, covered in blood with the occasional limb in with me. I wasn’t sure if the blood was mine, theirs, or a mixture of both. I had nightmares after every time it happened. It happened often. No longer the gifts that he showered me with. Any gift now was more cat-like, something dead. He acted like he was God. Like we were lower life forms… even me. I wouldn’t be after he turned me. I just had to wait until school was over. Only two more years, I kept telling myself.

I really should have seen it back then, his obsession with me. He was a hungry animal, protecting and playing with his food. Mr. Parker, our math teacher, did. He didn’t come out and say it to me, though. I wish he had. It would have made both our lives a lot easier. Elliot noticed as well but I think he got the sense that if he tried to stop Matthew or say something, Matthew would hurt me. He probably would have… Matthew would probably have killed me‌.

Just like the school year, the summer after sophomore year made me tired. It was probably because of the nightmares. Matthew decided to take me hunting. The first time we went out, he went after the math teacher who always gave him a hard time. Mr. Parker begged for his life and those of his family. Matthew didn’t listen… He started with the children and drank their blood until they were weak but not yet dead. Then, he used his nails to tear up their skin and break their bones. Their screams were terrible. I will never forget them, Lizzie and Kody. Both are blonde with blue eyes. Babies in the scheme of things, are only six and eight. I begged for their lives as well. Matthew ignored me. They were only babies, innocent… When he finally snapped their necks, I was relieved, nothing could hurt them now, their suffering at the hands of the man I loved was over. Then he started on Mrs. Parker. I had to close my eyes at what he did to her. I will say that Mr. Parker is… was a brave man. Even with what had happened with his wife and kids, what he knew was going to happen to him, Mr. Parker still begged me to run. Which made Matthew laugh as he finished yanking out all of Mrs. Parker’s teeth and started on her eyes and tongue. She was still alive… I thought about running. I honestly did… I loved him and he loved me, though. That was only the beginning though. Mr. Parker didn’t live through the night and you couldn’t even tell he was there that night, just in case you wanted to know. He was ripped to pieces like confetti, even his bones, and organs. How he started feeding from me as well. Violent and rough, the nightmares only got worse.

My junior year was when I knew I had to separate myself from Matthew. He told me, my future, the one that I had worked so hard was irrelevant. I wanted to go to college. My life was going to be over, he said. The chance to help people will no longer be mine. I would be stuck going to high school over and over. Was I ready to give up on that? I wanted to help people, it was my true purpose. Could I be happy without doing that? Matthew thought that was a silly dream. He would constantly tell me that my true purpose was to be with him. To obey him, just like old-time wedding vows. Matthew got more controlling years. I think it was because I seemed to get more independent and questioned him more. He could sense his meal slipping away.

I could only eat certain things so that when I was turned, I would look my best. For him, of course. Matthew wouldn’t let me talk to my friends, it would be hard to just disappear if I had too many people looking for me. Why work, he would tell me. Matthew had enough money to support me. To make sure I had the best. I never knew how to rely on others. It was my fatal flaw, you could say. I was not one to stand around and look pretty.

Everything was about what would happen after I was turned. I was never asked or consulted about whether or not I wanted to be turned. It was just a given. In the beginning, my answer would have been yes. I was a freshman. Young and naive… Had he asked now, my answer would have been no…

My college applications went out that summer. Matthew didn’t know but I think he suspected. He took me hunting and to parties often. I got better at fooling him that I was drunk. I was a brilliant actress that year. I had to be… I think that’s when I finally knew that this was a game for him. Meet a girl who doesn’t fit in and play with her. I wasn’t his mate. I was a toy… Prey… Pawn…

My brother had come home from college that summer. Matthew seemed extremely irritated by him. I was scared. I had good reason to be as well… I spent a lot of time getting patched up that summer. Matthew had taken to never leaving my house. He heard everything. Elliot begged me to open up… He would protect me. I saw Mr. Parker every time he said that. He was still listed as missing. I had to protect Elliot. Elliot barely left my side that summer and I paid for it when he did. I ‘fell’ a lot then. I think that’s when my parents started getting concerned. Maybe because the medical bills were adding up. Seventy-six stitches…. My arms and legs broke in multiple places eight times… Three concussions… My throat slit six times, not enough to kill me or to say that I was suicidal… A crappy imitation of that Christmas song. Elliot went back to school, even though he was reluctant to leave me behind. I knew what he suspected but didn’t say.

Senior year… At the beginning of the year, I prepared for my death. I knew he was going to kill me. Even if I was perfect. He wanted to break me and torture me until I was nothing but a shell. I just hoped my family would be safe. My parents seemed to put in more effort now. I think Elliot was putting pressure on them. Although, there were other reasons to be concerned… The bruises and hospital trips didn’t stop. I wish they had. That year hurt so much. Sex was also more often than as well. Only it hurt every time. A lot of bruises came from that as well. It was perfect he said. He could never imagine sex with anyone else.

My parents seemed to push me to do more things that colleges would look at. I decided to sign up for everything I could. Between work, parties, every extracurricular that I could do, hunting trips, and feedings. I could barely function sometimes but it kept me safe. Or at least safer than what I could have been. I would often dream about running away in the middle of the night. It seemed to be a pipe dream.

College seemed like a distant dream. I had very little hope. Elliot called me and gave me hope sometimes. My parents made me go the first time, not that I was fighting them. So he picked me up for a weekend and took me back to campus so that I could tour it. That was the only tour I went on. Matthew was always mad when the weekend came up but he also couldn’t come with. He wouldn’t explain why. It made me relieved. I had a taste of freedom. I would ask my brother for more weekends. That I just needed to get away from all of the stress, I told him. After a while, I broke down and told him what was going on. Not everything but enough. I told him not to confront Matthew because his family had money and connections, but I begged him to help me. I soon was going back with him every weekend, leaving stuff behind slowly. Elliot’s roommate, Jesse, was understanding and eager to help. I guess his little sister was in an abusive relationship as well. Mine just had slightly higher stakes. Jesse had started doing the same thing with his little sister after she had asked for help as well. Jesse’s sister, Eliza, and I became fantastic friends as we bonded over the abuse. The fear and pain that we both had broken away from. Eliza was my best friend…

My last summer before college was a rush. Eliza and I had gotten into Rockwell State College, just like our brothers. We were happy to have added protection while we were there. Not that it would be much in my case. All though I wasn’t sure if he could follow me. Only Elliot, Eliza, and Jesse knew where I was going. I refused to tell anyone else so that no one could tip Matthew off. Matthew would tell me, he thought that it was a shame that I had to go through the charade of preparing for college when I would be turned… Or dead, he left that part off though. However, I knew I was going to win this round. Maybe when no one else had.

I think he had some idea that I knew he was going to kill me or he just wanted to play with me more. It was halfway through the summer when he started killing girls who resembled me that I knew… My time was running out…

It helps me to remember his victims. Like they should not be forgotten. That if I was the one who had to witness their last moments then I should remember them for the rest of my life. I had to think of them as real people. People he saw as cattle. People who died for me and they didn’t even know. Just like Lizzie and Kody.

The first girl was a popular girl who went to school with us. Her name was Jasmine McMill. She went by Jazz and played softball. Jasmine loved the color blue and was pleasant to be around if she thought you could get her something. Her hair was the light red that he had made me dye my hair. Her eyes were blue while mine were green. She was slim and tan… while I was extremely pale. She resembled what he wanted me to look like. Matthew had found her on the side of the road with a flat tire. It was about eight at night. Jasmine was so relieved to see us. She shouldn’t have been. She was dressed in a pink top and black leggings. Her sneakers made it look like maybe she went to batting cages. It made me feel sorry for her, not that I knew that when we stopped. He ripped the tire off the car. I had hoped that he was just going to help her and just feed her a bit. She would have been one of those girls who would have enjoyed him ‘kissing’ her neck while I was there. That’s when I knew what was going on. Jasmine started to run. It was no use but I was frozen in the car. I couldn’t offer her any help. I wish I could. She was nice to me, only because I was smart but still she was nice to me. He was in front of her before I could blink. Matthew grabbed her by her throat and threw her like a rag doll. The thunk she made as she hit the ground was sickening. She screamed, still surprisingly aware. Jasmine had a few broken bones I could tell from where I was in the car. The white of her bones is a striking contrast to the dark coloring of her clothes. Matthew was lucky that this road wasn’t busy but even if it was there were no lights to show what he was doing. I don’t even think she remembered I was there. She didn’t beg. She didn’t give him the satisfaction. I was proud of her bravery. He used his nails to slice her skin and take out each of her organs except for her heart. Matthew started drinking from her. It was rough and he ripped through her artery like it was butter. He didn’t waste another drop. Matthew kept re-breaking her bones until they were dust. She is just another missing person after that…

There were many girls in between…. Ashley the baker… Lexi the artist… Kat the aspiring actress… Chelsea the rebel… Just to name a few.

Emily was the one who changed everything. Emily came to the ice cream shop every day. She got a mocha cocoa float every day. It was just really fancy iced coffee. Emily shared it with her younger brother, Billy. She was a brunette with red highlights, green eyes, and glasses. Emily was lost on her way to the book club. I had walked with her. I was alone or so I thought. He was in front of us. Emily screamed like she was being murdered before he even touched her. She grabbed my arm and dragged me away as she ran. I wanted to save her. Emily was all Billy had. When Matthew jumped in front of us again. I pushed Emily behind me. I tried to reason with him. I begged for her life. He was so focused on me. It gave her time to run away. I saved her. I hope that he won’t go after her again. She thanked me. She was the only one I saved. She moved away and I never saw her or Billy again. I hope she is safe.

A few weeks later, I was supposed to leave for college. We went out to dinner, Matthew called it a returning celebration. It was a very upscale restaurant. We made small talk. College was a topic that I tried to sidestep but he was determined to find out where my parents thought I was going. Dinner was just ending when I decided to tell him. Elliot was outside to give me a ride home so he had very little chance to hurt me. I made a scene so everyone in the restaurant knew who would be the cause of my death. It was over. This was goodbye, even though I knew it was going to be hard to return to the real world.

Now, that you know how I got here, let’s talk about what's happening now…