Falling

This is an unedited 4am, half-asleep outpouring of thoughts. Expect spelling errors, grammatical errors and nonsensical progression.

I wanted this to be shown how it was written. The purest that it possibly could be, my exact thoughts in the moment. A raw unfiltered thought process that I’m sure will resonate with others. Thank you for reading~

There’s something to be said about this lively creation and this creeping anxiety.

Here between our shared fantasies tossed at each other in a moment only the two of us would understand. This pure elation of a 2 hours well spent exploring each other’s whims and diving into anothers cravings. A two hours lost amongst the two. Now as one is left alone they are flooded. Hammered with doubts and questions. Incessantly attacked with thoughts that have no right being. But, maybe they do. Because they do in fact exist.

Did you enjoy it? Was it a mere passing whim that you indulge with multiple others frequently? Will it happen again? If so, why? If not, why not? Why am I thinking of this? These questions that have no right being. I do not own you. I have no right to know nor any substance behind them. Or again, maybe I do. This sudden race, this barrage of unending questions that keep me from sleep. It’s been days. Not weeks. Or months. Days. Why do I feel like this already? Why am I incased in doubt? Why can’t I live for what has happened instead of what will become?

Days. Days is far too few to be feeling such feelings. And yet here I am.

Falling. The easiest description. The singular word that makes it all make sense. Falling. The worst and best thing that could ever possibly happen. An act in which this racing heart will eventually break, as what the alternatives is, I do not know. Lost in your lips, in a maze built by thoughts of you. My fall that only you has control of.

(Written maybe 40 mins later)

I’m sat here, rereading our exchange in a futile attempt to relive something that just happened. To capture the thoughts I was just feeling. Hoping to preserve them somewhere, anywhere again and again. With each read I fall farther and farther. Something that can’t possibly be healthy, but it’s all I know