Dead Flower

Andrew

"It’s settled. Divorced. Court dismissed. All rise.” Usually people feel relief after they’ve been granted a divorce. Can’t wait to get away from their ex, move on, live life lavished in sex and booze. Well not me. I didn’t want this fucking divorce.

I’m only relieved to get out of this goddamn courtroom. Three hours of having to stare at the same judge. Speaking under oath, I couldn’t even lie. Though I wanted to. They wouldn’t believe the truth, even if I showed video evidence. I tattooed the palms of my hands with my finger nails. The only spot on my body without real ink, and the palms of my feet.

Squeezing my fists tightly, trying not to break skin. My left hand felt naked without the ring. Veronica wouldn’t look at me. Not once did her eyes reach mine. And it sure as hell couldn’t have been because of her insecurities. I don’t even think she is insecure anymore. The new man she has tends to her more than I ever could.

This is the first time since we got married that I’ve worn a suit. A fucking suit! I don’t do them. No, there’s not enough air flow in the midst of August in Georgia for a suit. The navy blue tie ropes down to my belt. I envision myself tearing this jacket off.

Ripping the white shirt to shreds until the buttons fall loose onto the spotless floor. Yank this noose of a tie from my neck. Or maybe if I yank hard enough, it’ll end my suffering. Out in the vestibule, I follow my attorney.

“Well Andrew, it’s settled. Fifty fifty just like you wanted.” That’s not what I fucking wanted. I want my wife and damn daughter back.

“Daddy!” I turn to find Flower sprinting across the room.

Kneeling to her level with open arms, I catch the pretty butterfly that landed on my Flower. “I love you baby. You have to go with mommy, okay?”

She nose dives, grooming into my chest. “But why can’t you come home with us?”

I close my eyes, holding her dear to my heart. “Sweetheart, mommy and I are no longer together. But that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other. I’ll always be here baby.”

My tie deepens to black as her tears water the fabric. Sad thing is, nothing wants to grow. “Daddy don’t leave me!”

She grips ahold of my heart strings, playing the saddest song. “Never Flower. I’ll never leave you.”

Veronica walks over in a maroon dress that hugs her curves. I guess she grew tired of Platinum blonde, and switched to brunette. Now her white eyes truly pop out of her skull. I only wish I caught her eye.

“Flower, time to go. We have to go eat dinner.”

Veronica takes ahold of Flower’s little hanny. “Mommy please, I want daddy.”

My eyes begin to tear up as Veronica tears her away from me. Tearing this family apart. Her words go mute when they reach her new boyfriend. I just want my little girl. I need her to be safe. She’s the only thing that keeps me going. I thought I brought her life. But my little Flower was the one who has pollinated mine. And she’s just been picked, taken to a new family to sit in their vase.

I guess because like myself, the vase at my home is broken.

Veronica

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. How could I look at the man I used to love, while the man I currently love sat behind me? After everything he did, he deserves less than eye contact. I didn’t even so much as glance at him. Had no idea what he was wearing, or how he was sitting. I don’t know what his facial expressions were either.

Andrew was always passive. Not much could ever be read through him. Not from his body language, expressions, especially not his words. He always said things to throw a train off track. After everything he’s done to this family, I’m so ready to get rid of him.

The divorce opens up new doors for me. Doors that I will not let Andrew anywhere near. He won’t even be able to knock. My boyfriend Derrick would only slam it in his face. After the judge dismissed us, I tried to escape the bodies of people without having to converse with him.

But Flower ran to him. How could I expect her not to? That’s her daddy. When I watched her run to his open arms, that’s when I took my first glance at Andrew. I can’t lie, he cleans up nicely, but he always had. Andrew was always a sight for sore eyes. No doubt about that.

He knows it to. His looks always got him in to trouble. Trouble that I was exhausted forgiving. No matter how many times, he never learns. He’s lucky I have a heart. Otherwise, I would have taken full custody of Flower. But I couldn’t take her away from the only father she’s ever known.

“Flower, time to go. We have to go eat dinner.”

I takes ahold of Flower’s little hand. “Mommy please, I want daddy.”

My poor baby. I hate doing this, any mother would, but she’ll understand when she’s older, why I had to. “I know sweetheart. You’ll see him every weekend, okay? Come on, Derrick and mommy are going to make your favorite. Chicken Alfredo. Mmh. Yummy.”

I don’t even get one little smile out of her. Hopefully she’ll nap on the way home. Lifted in my arms, I cradle her crying head. Shushing her, I kiss her blonde hair. I grew tired of mine. Depleted of the old Macey/Veronica. I’m not them anymore.

I went with a dark brown, anything to hide the light. I left a sliver in just for Flower, with my white eyes. I can’t change those. At least not permanently. Meeting up with Derrick, he holds out his hand for me. The one thing I love about this man, he resembles no where near Andrew. No tattoos or piercings, he’s lean unlike Andrew.

Blonde hair, and blue eyes, a lift up from those black eyes I’ve had to stare into for the past five years. I’m twenty-three now. A young woman, but I feel like I’ve been in the game so long, I feel thirty three. Unlike Andrew, Derrick is also my age, which is refreshing. I’m not dating someone who’s four years older than me anymore.

I need someone I can relate to. A man who understands what it feels like to be this young with responsibility. Derrick doesn’t live at home with his parents like most young adults do. Thankfully he had a place Flower and I could move into. The past five years, I’ve been living with Andrew.

All I know are his habits. Derrick is everything I’ve ever wanted, but nothing I’ve ever had. He’s clean, respectful, kind, and amazing with Flower. I want to learn from him, and grow with him. We walk hand in hand to his Challenger.

I buckle Flower into her car seat. “Try to take a nap baby.” I hate seeing her so sad. Before descending, I wipe her tears clean, hoping no more fall. “I love you.”

Entering, I take a seat on the plush leather. As Derrick shifts, I place my hand over his. Bracing myself for him to yell at me, to take my hand off, but he remains quiet.He’s not Andrew, Veronica. You’re safe with him.

Leaned over, I quickly kiss him on the cheek. When he came out dressed in his suit, I all but tumbled over. He looks so good. I never dated a man with long hair. I love placing my fingers inside, getting lost in the silkiness. His beard is rough against my thighs when we make love, but I love it. Derrick is the third man I’ve been with. Andrew used to be the only man I’ve tasted. I’ve had a craving for something new.

He doesn’t talk much, which I like, because I’m not much of a talker either. He’s so calm and collected. I haven’t told him about my past. I’d rather him not know. I’d like to keep it there in the word itself. I’ve learned my lesson.

“You’re so handsome.”

Focused on the road, but I get a smile out of him. Deciding not to bother him anymore, I stare out the window. Caught by the willow trees that blow freely with the breeze. I’m going to miss this place. New person, new place of stay.

The bright skies are caught behind the white puffy clouds. I love these kind of days. Even though I don’t feel so shiny on the inside. Flower is really growing up. The way she looks really fits her name. Gorgeous. Long rooted curls drop to her shoulders. Blonde, but with a hint of red when the sun hits. Beautiful innocent gray eyes, slightly blue.

To think she’s mine. I carried her. She’s apart of me. I see myself in her. I only pray she ends up nothing like me. I’ll make sure she’s strong, fearless. That way she’ll never be as weak as I used to be. You know how they say the people and situations in your life are what makes you, you? I don’t know if I believe that.

We can’t control situations, but we can control ourselves. All those awful things happened, but I decided to stay in that relationship with Andrew. He didn’t make me who I am. I wrestled in hell to get here. To crawl out from the pits of evil. I’m better than I ever was.

Wow, all this thinking, I hadn’t even notice that we pulled into the driveway. The American Dream right in front of us. Our brick two story home, big bay windows, a front porch, warm. Everything I could ever ask for. Quietly shutting the door, I get our sleeping Flower out of the car.

Carrying her, I watch my step in these heels. Once Derrick holds the door open for us, I’m greeted by the cool air. My heels click loudly in the echoing home. I try to remain quiet, for my baby’s sake, but it’s not working out too well. Taking her to her bedroom, I peel her comforter back, placing her down on the soft surface.

Tucking her in, I kiss her forehead. Leaving the door open, sometimes she has trouble opening it. Whenever dinner is finished, I’ll wake the sleeping beauty.

Into the kitchen, I spot Derrick searching the web on how to prepare this meal. I chuckle. He doesn’t really know how to cook. Meeting him, I decide to take over. “Here let me.” I allow him to watch. This is Flower’s favorite meal. So I’ve had my fair share of experiences making it.

“Derrick..” He hums in response. Watching me intently with his hand under his chin. “Thank you for coming today, and supporting me.”

He sneaks his way behind me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, massaging me. “Of course. I’ll be right back, going to change.” Before I can nod my head, he’s already gone.

Kicking my heels off, I lose two inches of my height. Still the same 5′2 girl. That’s another thing I love about Derrick. He’s not so tall. I don’t have to climb up his body just to give him a kiss. I made sure he’d be nothing like Andrew, but sometimes, I still get scared.

I have to remember who he is, not who he isn’t. He won’t cheat on me. Won’t get drunk and fuck girls behind my back. Derrick is a sober man. God truly blessed me. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s been more than my rock. He’s been the whole damn mountain. I’m just hoping he doesn’t fall.

If the pieces were to land on me, I’d probably die. I can’t take anymore heartbreak. I don’t want to think the worst, but if anything in this relationship happens, I’m done.