Chapter 1
moving to spain in the hopes of receiving treatment that could possibly prolong his lifespan, chris expected nothing more than to live out the last few months of his life by himself; having time to absorb the hard psychological truth. he most certainly did not expect to meet a boy that he fell so hopelessly in love with that dying seemed like absolute torture.
chris moved to spain by himself, his parents having given up on him and accepted the fact that he was going to die soon anyway. he used his saved up money to pay for tuition at school. he knew it wasn’t really going to be of any use to him but he wanted to live as normal of a life as he could.
upon arriving at his new school, chris’s attention was quickly captured by alex. alex was a boy from the year below him; a tall, absolutely gorgeous boy with the most astonishing features which easily managed to hypnotize the older boy. his brown curly hair which swayed along with the wind, his cute black glasses which fit his facial structure perfectly, his precise features and gaze making chris fall for him instantly.
so over the course of multiple weeks, the pair grew closer to one another. and not long after, chris asked alex to be his boyfriend, alex not even needing any second thought to answer with the words that stuck with chris for the rest of his life.
“of course i’ll be your boyfriend, even if i could only be that for a few months to you. chris, i love you, and doesn’t matter how short our relationship might be i would never miss the chance to be with you”
he’d finally found someone who could love him, not caring about how long their relationship might last.
the couple turned out to become one of those cheesy couples who always spent time together and were most certainly not afraid to express their feelings for each other in public. alex was one hell of a tease too. he was extremely confident, always being ready to say something that would make chris blush in front of everyone, just to then complain as to why he would get shy.
they were also really adorable, always caring for each other, doing the best they could to cheer the other up when they were down, making sure they were comfortable.
alex and chris were like a match made in heaven.
and they portray this every single day, without fail.
(current time)
“the subatomic particles in sodium are electrons, protons and neutrons. sodium has 11 protons and 11 electrons, as well as 12 neutrons. can anyone tell me its atomic number?”
the teacher re-introduced the topic of atoms in preparation for the general knowledge chemistry quiz, where the students of rival schools went head to head, fighting in the form of education to go to the final round.
“11 is the atomic number, 23 is the mass number” hyunjin says with full confidence.
“correct, honestly this subject is too easy for young people of your age so let’s move on to the next topic.”
a high five echoes in the classroom, yet another answer correct.
they were the most productive and efficient team in the entire year, being extremely smart yet not cocky; managing to maintain a kind image and being on good terms with pretty much everyone.
after a pretty relaxing school day, considering there were only a few weeks left until the upcoming spring break, alex escorted chris to the hospital for a health check.
you see, chris suffers from an extremely rare terminal illness named Desmin-related myofibrillar myopathy (Helmer’s myopathy), a muscle degenerative disease which is incurable and could only get worse. he is currently receiving injections which help him to function better and cope with the symptoms of myopathy, but unfortunately cannot help him heal.
today, he is preparing to ask the doctor how much longer he has to live, considering when he was diagnosed at thirteen the prognosis stated he only had around five years.
“here is the amount of injection you will need for the following month, i believe i do not need to describe when and where to use them?”
“yes there is no need, i have been administering this medication for as long as i can remember.”
he looks at alex, and after receiving a reassuring nod, he continued.
“doctor. umm... how long do i have left to live?”
“unfortunately your condition has been deteriorating lately, hence you saying that you have been experiencing more shaking and muscle spasms than usual.”
“please just tell me.”
“i would say you have an estimated few months left, perhaps around two months.”
this devastating news left the couple speechless.
the realization hit chris like a boulder, feeling his heart drop as though to the depth of the oceans. he prepared his entire life for this day, the day he hears how much time he has left, but it felt so much more intense and so much sadder than what he had imagined in his head; so much more deep than anything he had played out in his head. he suddenly got the huge urge to cry, a tear slowly dropping down his cheek.
the moment alex saw this, he instantly sat down next to his boyfriend and tightly embraced him, also feeling his heart pounding out of his chest as the realization hit. he heard chris crying and felt part of his shirt starting to dampen, holding him even tighter as he heard sniffling sounds.
“i am terribly sorry for your news. if you like, i could leave you two alone.”
alex softly nodded, the doctor turning around to leave the room.
“i love you chris, and i am so sorry that i can’t do a single goddamn thing to help you, to let you live longer.”
alex starts to cry as well.
“please... please don’t apologize. you are doing so much more for me than you think; so much more than you can ever imagine. alex, you being in my life alone has done so much more for me than my parents ever could or more than any doctor could ever do for me. i owe the world to you.”
the couple share a long kiss. it’s only their lips against one another, but it felt like so much more than that. if they had to describe it, it was the most comforting kiss they had ever shared. all of the time they spent together suddenly felt so much more special. it made them want to cherish their left over time even more.
over the next month, chris’s mind had only been set on the news he heard. he made sure to enjoy the limited time he had left, with his boyfriend and best friends seungmin and han. he decided to continue going to school as usual, except now he spent a lot more time with the people there knowing he would soon no longer be able to do so.
“chris! alex! do you guys wanna go on a hike with me and han? we’re also gonna have a picnic once we reach our destination.”
“sure thing felix!” chris exclaims with a wide smile on his face.
“i would love to go. also chris don’t forget to take your medication with you.”
“yeah of course.”
“awesome guys! han and i will be waiting for you in the parking lot after school finishes!”
felix hugs his best friends before heading off to the library to study. there were exams next week, although chris got permission not to take them considering his situation. not only was he happy that he didn’t have to take those exams, he was also extremely happy he could help and support hyunjin while he studied, which also actually allowed them to spend even more time together.
at the end of the day, the four friends meet at the agreed place, chris driving them in his car to a beautiful mountain range not too far from school. the mountain range consists of picturesque forests, filled with tall trees and flowery bushes, as well as a small climb on a rocky hill before reaching an open field that views the city. the group of friends absolutely love this location, especially considering how beautiful it looks during sunset, being able to watch the sun set beneath the mountains yet still radiating a scenic pink and orange light in the sky.
this also made it very romantic, which is the reason why the couple often visited, having picnics and spending time with each other while enjoying the fresh air and view.
upon arriving at this location, alex helped felix set up the picnic, giving han some time to talk with chris.
“hey,” he puts his arm around chris’s shoulder.
“how have you been feeling lately?”
“well, i feel like i still haven’t fully gotten used to the fact that i legit have like three weeks left, maybe even less.”
“that’s totally normal though. chris, nobody ever gets used to the fact that they don’t have much time left. and as much as i honestly have absolutely no idea how difficult this situation is, i would honestly recommend you to try and enjoy the remaining time you have. god does that sound dismissive?”
“han no it totally wasn’t. and honestly… you’re right you know. i feel like i should spend less time worrying and actually pay attention to those who are currently in my life, those who i will never get to see ever again in a few weeks. but then again, i just can’t stop thinking about it.”
han hugged chris, feeling his shirt starting to dampen in one spot while hearing quiet sniffles. this prompted him to hug him even tighter.
“i love you chris, you’re one of the best people in my life.”
“i love you too, and gosh darn i’m gonna miss you so much.”
“hey guys! food’s ready- oh… hey chris please don’t cry.”
“baby let’s go eat something, it’ll help put your mind off it.” hyunjin smiles encouragingly as they go to eat.
they spent the rest of the early evening having an amazing time with each other. eating felix's delicious homemade snacks, sharing funny stories that happened during this school year. they talked about how much they loved hanging out with each other, especially with chris.
closer to the end of their experience, felix and han went on a walk around the cliff, leaving chris and hyunjin alone, which actually played exactly to their advantage.
alex leaned on chris’s shoulder, both of them sitting next to the edge of the cliff admiring the sunset. he breathed in the fresh scent of the outdoors, relaxing on his boyfriend’s shoulder.
“chris?”
“yeah?”
“do you miss times like these?”
“of course i do, i’m so incredibly happy that seungmin arranged this.”
“seungmin is the best, honestly.”
“yeah... hyunjin i love you so much.”
“i love you too, i’m gonna miss this so much.”
he lifted his head to face his boyfriend, looking at him admiringly. they proceeded to lean in closer to one another, chris’s hands naturally landing on alex's waist as alex held his face in his hands.
chris leaned in closer, bringing their lips together in a slow kiss, full of love. it was always so good to kiss alex, being totally addicted to his soft plump lips, infatuated by the feeling of those lips against his.
after making out for some time, felix and han returned to their picnic place. they set up tents and sleeping bags for them to stay the night, followed by alex falling asleep in chris’s embrace.
***
it’s been weeks since the day of the picnic. chris had decided to stop administering his medication, no longer seeing a point in doing it since he had a few days left. alex didn’t really understand his decision though. the medication that chris took helped against the symptoms of myopathy, it helped to prevent shaking and helped with the fatigue and headaches that came with it. so he didn’t understand why his boyfriend didn’t want to repress the symptoms but decided to support him in his decision, definitely not wanting to have an argument with the limited time left.
today’s doctor’s visit confirmed he had a matter of hours, 24 hours at most.
alex stayed home from school to take care of chris, not wanting to leave him out of sight. this was it. this was the last day he would ever spend with his boyfriend, the day he tried his absolute best not to think about. he couldn’t believe it was finally here. he was guilty and sad to the core.
“alex? it’s time let’s go.”
they entered chris’ bedroom, letting his boyfriend sit down first and then settling down next to him, both their legs stretched out forward, chris’ head resting comfortably on alex's shoulder.
alex was afraid to talk, trying his best to hold his tears in and enjoy this moment while he could.
“alex... do you remember the first time we met?”
“yeah i- i remember you how you always used to wear these adorable earrings…. also the way you parted your hair. just honestly, your very unique features made me fall for you instantly.”
chris chuckled, a tear rolling down his face.
“i remember how adorable you were. you were this absolutely gorgeous guy from the year beneath me. i was honestly mesmerized by you, i wanted to confess to you that very moment. but i’m really glad i got to know your personality as well, it for sure confirmed my feelings for you.”
“my heart was beating out of my chest when you confessed to me.” they both started laughing.
chris took a deep breath before continuing.
“do you remember our first date?”
“of course i do, you took me to what is now my favorite restaurant.”
“well.. on that day we promised something to each other, do you remember what it was?”
alex's heart dropped, knowing exactly what chris was talking about. tears started forming in his eyes.
“alex, we promised each other that: 1. i would always be there as your emotional support, that i would go to all extent necessary to make sure you were safe. and... 2. you would help me die if it ever got to that situation. so hyunjin (more tears roll down his face) will you help me out?”
alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. it made him openly start to cry. as much as he hated what he was hearing, he really wanted to keep their promise and do one last thing for his best friend and true first love.
“i- ah… i- what- how can i help you chris?”
“can you get my sleeping pills from the bathroom?”
he wordlessly got up and got what chris was asking, hand shaking as he handed him the pills and a glass of water.
his heart nearly stopped as he watched chris take the pills, ten at once nonetheless.
alex settled on the bed once more, sitting face to face with chris. tears openly flowed out of both their eyes, bodies shaking. alex leaned in and kissed the older, their lips staying still together, simply enjoying the presence of each other’s lips. he then moved to sit behind chris, tightly holding his upper body, inhaling the scent of his hair.
“i’m gonna miss every single thing about you chris.”
“you can’t even imagine... *he sobs* i love you so much alex, more than i have ever loved anyone.”
“i love you too, chris. i love you so much.”
they stayed in this embrace for a very long time, enjoying each others’ presence one last time. they didn’t change their position at all, only doing so when….
alex heard that chris was no longer breathing, his chest no longer heaving, and his sobs were no longer audible.
it was done, his boyfriend was no longer with him.
alex automatically burst into tears, sobbing loudly as he hugged his boyfriend even tighter. he couldn’t believe he actually lost him, tears coming out of his eyes uncontrollably. alex continued to cry for a while, and it would most certainly not be the last time he had cried over the incident.
***
the following week was the end of the school year. all students from all year groups organized parties and celebratory events to commemorate the end of the school year, exam results were released, people from the highest year groups heard responses from universities they applied to. pretty much everyone was having a decent time, even if they didn’t do so well in the academic year, they still had a blast at the parties. everyone was doing good except alex.
the death of chris took a huge toll on everyone, every single one of his friends and classmates, but none of them were anywhere near as harshly affected than hyunjin.
the death of a friend is psychologically insane, it really does mess with your brain. but that goes on an entire different level when the person, in this case alex's best friend and first true love, takes their last breath in your arms; when you actually witness the person’s passing.
alex hadn’t once smiled since the day of the incident, it taking a huge toll on his mental health. it made his family and friends extremely worried about him.
“hey alex!”
“oh hey bro.”
“can you come with me to the canteen please?”
“sure felix.”
as they walk to the canteen, alex keeps his head down the entire time. upon arriving there, he looks up to see all of his friends and classmates.
turns out, they planned a support group for alex. everyone there had something with them, whether it was some sort of baked goods, balloons or even signs that read along the lines of ‘stay strong alex’ or ‘we are all here for you’.
this extremely kind gesture brought tears in alex's eyes, and for once it was due to happiness.
it was exactly that moment when alex realized he had support everywhere around him, people who could help him get through this.
although alex knew he would never be able to fully get over losing chris, the thought that he would always be a part of his life, and the fact that his friends were here to support him, brought him comfort. it was going to be a long and hard journey, but he was going to make it. he was sure of it.
