Chapter One
Utah
I was extremely nervous. It’d been two years since I’d been part of the club scene. Two years since I was collared… only to later find out that my dom was a sadistic asshole who got off on being called Daddy but wanted no other aspects of the Daddy dom little boy arrangement.
For a year and a half, I’d suffered. After six months of therapy and finding myself again—for the most part, at least—I was back in the club, ready to give this another go with a Daddy. And maybe this one would actually be a Daddy and not some asshole just looking for a sweet boy to tear apart so he could make himself feel bigger.
My palms sweated as I lowered myself to my knees on the bed, my palms resting on my thighs. I had my bunny mask on my face. It was up to my Daddy for the night whether he wanted to see me or if he wanted me to remain anonymous.
I wanted a long-term Daddy, but a temporary one would have to do for now. I was spiraling without someone to take care of me like I needed, and my mental health was declining.
A light knock sounded on the door before it creaked open. A man in a suit stepped in, the red lights of the room reflected in his shiny, expensive shoes. His slacks fit him perfectly, and as he toed the door shut behind him, he began unbuttoning his suit jacket. I swallowed thickly, watching him through the eyeholes of my mask.
He was a beautiful man with dark hair, equally as dark eyes, and naturally tanned skin. I licked my lips when he shrugged off his jacket, draping it over the back of the couch He began undoing his cufflinks next, placing them on the small table he was standing next to.
His shoulders were broad, his arms just the perfect thickness, lined with toned muscle. And when he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, I almost swallowed his tongue.
This man exuded power. It dripped from every pore on his body, and there was a quiet confidence about him. He commanded attention without ever saying a word.
“Take off your mask, baby boy,” he commanded.
With trembling hands, I reached behind my head and untied the mask before setting it beside me on the bed. The man strode over to me and sat on the edge of the bed, his upper body twisted to face me. He gently captured my chin between his thumb and pointer finger.
“I bet you’re sweet, aren’t you?” he murmured.
“Yes, Daddy,” I answered.
A tender smile tilted his lips. “What are your safewords?” he asked me.
“I-I use the traffic signals,” I told him, my voice raspy. “Green for good. Yellow for a break or to slow down. Red to stop.”
“Good boy,” he praised. A shiver raced down my spine. “What’s your name?”
“Utah,” I said quietly. I shrugged one shoulder. I hated being named after the state I was born in. “My mother was very unoriginal when she named me.” Right before she’d left the hospital and apparently committed suicide, but I didn’t add that out loud. That was my own weight to carry. The idea of mothering me had driven my mother to suicide.
Apparently, she hadn’t wanted me to begin with. As the product of a rape, I couldn’t really blame her.
Most days, I wished I hadn’t been brought into this world either.
He hummed. “What are your hard limits, Utah?”
I wanted him to go back to calling me baby boy. I hated my name. It made me sick to my stomach. My ex always used it when he was furious with me, when he was about to hurt me or lose his temper.
“Pain,” I told him. “Intentional pain is a hard limit.”
He cocked his head to the side, studying me. I looked down at my bare legs, my cock tucked between them because I was self-conscious as fuck. Once upon a time, I hadn’t been. But that had been before my mental health had gotten ripped to shit.
“Okay, baby,” he said quietly. “No intentional pain.” He brushed his thumb over my lower lip. “What are your soft limits?”
“My name during a scene.” I swallowed thickly. “Or when I’m naked, actually. I can tolerate it, but…”
“You prefer not to,” he finished for me when my voice trailed off. “Okay, baby.” He cupped my cheek. “I’m going to take good care of you. I promise.”
“Can I have your name?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Yeah, sweet boy. Thorn Ryder.” His lips tilted up the slightest bit. “I own Ryder Security.” He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. “And I’m on the search for a boy of my own.”
My heart skipped a beat in my chest.
I wanted to be his boy so badly.
