Debris
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Fredrick Douglass
NOW
Outside the comfort of the sand bar and the tidal waters: the reef, the rocky headland and the antiquated wreck of the Spanish ship stood ominously in the distance. Unlike the people who flocked to it, the beach would withstand time, outlasting the machinations of man. The dark blue water: the murky depths of seaweed flotsam retracted all at once to reveal the surge in the tide; its desperate last gasp of defiance. It urged him out.
He spotted the rip quickly: both the thing itself which guys like him relied upon but gave the desperate and the naïve their opportunity to experience the first hint of death as they struggled against the torrent of waves.
A familiar face popped up next to him and planted his board alongside. They would need to get their surf in before the ocean would change. Weeks of severe storms churned up the waters and the familiar blue and green would suddenly turn red with the drift algae. But for once he wasn’t complaining, for Will finally got out of the house. “It’s a bit of a swell.”
“Father.”
“Just call me Glenn today.” He peered over his shoulder. As the other man crouched down to peer over the beach, he said, “Is that how you groom them, then? Getting all personal?”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake Will. Will you stop it already? You and I both know I’m a happily married man. All that stuff is disgusting, and I would have no part of it. And why do you mention it? For a cheap laugh, maybe it’s some catharsis shit and that’s that.”
“I’m sorry Father Glenn.” He was laughing at this point, and far too hard for his friend’s liking.
“It’s just Glenn now.” His head shuffled forward, an imaginary weight hanging his chin ever so low it found him staring at the sand in front of him like it was one of those 3-D paintings that were all the rage. “I’m sorry. That’s a shame. Do you…. I don’t know. Let’s just get out there. Otherwise, it will be another year of breaking our tradition.” Glenn looked up. “In a minute…how about you? I know it sounds weird to ask, but are you okay?”
“It’s fine. As I said, Surf first. Answers might come later.” His lip trembled a bit, as he bit down on it, forcing it all to go away. This was all in a microsecond, but his friend managed to see. “True. A good left hander this time. Just have to watch the rocks today. Rain predicted but should get a few good breaks in.”
***
THEN
“Why are we even out here, Father?,” Will asked.
“You needed to get away from all of it.” Will’s eyes were already starting to moisten with tears. “You deserved none of it, you hear me? None of it.” Will nodded his head with a level of gratitude that made the movement seem unnaturally slow. “I know.”
“Do you? I hope you do. Anyway, I can’t prevent what happened to you. All I can offer is something to look forward to… well at least I hope.” Will scanned the point break, looking for the timing of each set. He was only beyond a novice, but was learning quickly. “But why here, Sir?”
Father Glenn looked out at the surf, watching the tide almost fold in on itself. The water churned up into the brown sandy sludge in on piece, yet the familiar deep turquoise yearned to him. “I had a pretty rough time with my parents too. Don’t get me wrong, not as bad as yours, but it was still rough. As soon as they could, they farmed me out to go live with my aunt and uncle.” The minister looked out to the horizon, and he pointed beyond the breakers. “ Out there, as soon as I was of age I took my first part time job in the Christmas holidays. It was a large trawler and I learned to fish all day. The men used to bring out a huge steaming barrel of prawns, and you had to learn to shell very quickly, or you wouldn’t get a fair share.” Will felt his stomach grumble in pangs of hunger and empathy. He was hugging the board over the gentle sway of the waves. “It sounds hard.” Father Glenn shook his head, “No, it was great. I fished all day and with daylights savings, I’d surf when we docked. It was the best time of my life. I’ve felt connected to the ocean ever since.” He rocked with the gentle swell, “It’s a shame we didn’t bring a deck of cards when it’s like this.” Will laughed, “Water-proof playing cards, now that could be an idea.” They finally persevered and each were able to finally catch a wave, but the glassy seven-footer predicted was far from reality, as each caught a short, quick wave before the tube caved in and they were forced to duck underwater.
Will had enough and paddled towards the shore. The Father noticed his frantic movements to the shore and waded after him, almost breathless by the time he caught up, sucking in a great lungful of air as he said, “You…weren’t out there…long.” Will continued to stare down the sand, “What’s going to happen?”
“I reported him to the police. That man will no longer be able to hurt you.” Will shook his head and refused to look up. “But will the police tell everyone?”
“Your name will not be in the paper. And very few people know about this.”
“They’re all going to call me gay, won’t they, or something else?”
“Will, they won’t know. It’s no one else’s business… If anyone says anything, you tell me and I’ll give them a hiding.” Will finally looked up and he could see the tears hanging down his face. But also the anger. He was slapping himself in the face, over and over, chiding himself for being a cry-baby. Father Glenn caught his hand and held it up in the air for a moment. “Stop it, stop it! … You have done nothing wrong. You are a good guy. Now promise me something, will you?!” Will let his hand rest by his side, he buried his foot instinctively and dug up a pippy as Glenn waited for his response. He balanced the shell in his hands before finally responding. “Promise you what?”
“Promise me if ever you feel so down, or you find you need somewhere to turn, let me know and we’ll go for a surf.” Will nodded, and threw the pippy far out into the water, watching it skim along the surface. The father pointed at the coastline, “ See this beach here… this is your safe place, here you can tell me anything and you can just let it out. All of it, and then let the water wash over you, and you try to heal… as best as you can.” Will nodded before digging in with both hands and grabbing another pippy. “I’m not shitting you Will, this could save your life one day.” The boy let another one fly across the surface.
***
THEN
Both of them were lucky enough to catch a few waves before the wind changed and the surf had flattened off.
“We could go up the road?”
“I’m happy to stay here. Besides, I do have news.” He flashed his left hand before Glenn asked, “I thought only women had engagement rings.” He laughed, “Is that all you have to say Glenn? Not congratulations Will, I’m so happy for you.” Glenn laughed as well, “ Well of course, you know what I mean, yes and I am happy for you.”
They took the moment, watching the waves eventually come in again. Other surfers were out but many found themselves hitting whitewash too quickly with only a shore break to pass the time. They laughed at a few that bit it early before discussing details of the engagement, how it all developed, and what plans they had for the party. Glenn felt compelled to ask, “ Have you told her, you know, about what happened to you?” Will was holding a twig and circling it in the sand next to him, shaking his head and staring into his carvings over the sand. “ And how do you think that’s going to go down? Oh and by the way, I was molested by a local minister. Anyway, should we have a band or a DJ?” He was laughing awkwardly as he said this. “I’m not laughing Will, and I mean it, you need to tell her.”
“And I guess that’s for her right? She gets to see all my shit, all my baggage before we take the plunge.”
“It’s not for her sake. It’s for yours.” Will continued to shake his head for a while. “I know you’re stubborn, but this is necessary. Promise me you’ll tell her. Otherwise it could make things harder.”
***
NOW
Normally both men loved the surf. It was their cleansing ritual. The dark blue and green would cover them over, ears and hair dipping inside the wall of the tube and they would race out the other side, reborn. But not in the present moment. The algae was determined to float and the impending rain would surely bucket down on them. They finally paddled back to the coast and could see the dark swirls of the storm clouds circling. Will tried to sit down next to him, but Glenn looked like he was leaving. This was before Will said, “Don’t just walk away! After everything I’ve told you.”
“What good is any of it? No one will listen!”
“You listened. You listened to all of my shit when no one else would. Why should this be any different?” Glenn just stared back at him, but his eyes looked glazed over as he was seeing through him “Look, I ’m getting divorced, right? She’ll get full custody of the kids. It’s all gone to hell, and yet I look at you, and you are the one truly miserable bastard here.”
Glenn stared at him for a while longer before starting to pack up his equipment. Once his back was completely turned, he said, “I found another one. More than one actually.”
“Well, isn’t that a good thing? I mean its terrible but it’s good you can put a stop to them.”
“I tried alright. I took it all the way to the bishop. The whole diocese was poisoned by these animals. And what do they do? They want to transfer me to the end of the earth or leave. So I made my choice.”
“You can’t leave now!”
“Why would you care? You’ve never believed in any of it. The holy trinity, the church. None of it. As much as I tried. What’s the use of it all.” Tears began to stream down and the rain started to spit down. “Yes, I’m the atheist here. But you’ve always had enough belief in both of us.” He continued to pack up his clothes. “That’s not enough anymore.”
“Well the church needs you. And not the diocese. The community- there may be other lives out there like mine you can save.”
“You’re getting divorced.”
“Yes, but I know I’ll make it. And so will you.”
Glenn shook his head, and for the first time he walked away. Will would have none of it as he shouted after him. “Promise me you’ll meet me back here again. Soon. Promise me that or you can forget about all the good you’ve done in my life. Besides…” Will ran in front of him, cutting him off from the exit out in the carpark. “I’m not letting you go, until you do.”
Glenn finally nodded his head., as the heavens erupted, and the rain started to cascade down. He still felt so much shame, and he wanted to end it all. But he remembered he had a promise to keep and the surf, a lovely glass wall of blue would beckon him, and ultimately forgive him for all of his sins. Along with his friend.
