Detective Camus

Death spiral.

Outside the window, a swarm of ants meandered around the parking lot. For an ant, pheromones decide their life. And for an ant, work was their life.

“...and so, unfortunately, this was the decision they reached.”

Sometimes, an ant will lose that pheromone trail. And when that happens, he’ll just navigate blindly. Without work. Without life.

“Hello? You still with me?”

The third worst part is all the ants behind him that he’s damned. The second worst part is when he tracks the end ant’s pheromone. Because when that circle forms, their hell is sealed.

“Buddy, I’m not hearing anything from you.”

The death spiral. Round and round they’d go. Spinning in a hellish circle until death granted them mercy. And they’d never know that something was wrong. Because at the end of the day, life was little more than following pheromones. And that was the actual worst part.

“AAKASH!”

“Huh? Oh sorry Andrew, I didn’t catch that last part.”

“I said, the company is bringing back five days a week instead of three.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s just something the higher-ups decided. They want to foster a more collaborative environment.”

“In the eighteen months I’ve worked here, I’ve never had a meeting that couldn’t have been an email. What could I possibly gain from seeing more people?

“You only feel that way because you’re working remotely. Once you start coming in more, you’ll see the value of in-person meetings.”

“Andrew, if that’s true, then why are we having an online meeting in the office?”

The voice on the other side of the shitty company laptop went silent. I leaned back in my chair, looking past the row of desks before I found Andrew. He could very obviously see me but chose to hunch forward and stare straight into his screen.

“Whether you’re happy about it or not Aakash, this is what they’ve decided.”

“Oh, I’m not happy. Nobody is. But as usual, there’s nothing we can fucking do about it.”

“Exc-”

I slammed down the lid of my laptop, earning a few curious stares. But I didn’t care. I lept out of my chair and stormed off. I’d take my lunch break early, go get coffee, or a bagel, or anything as long as it wasn’t inside this cesspool of an office.

When I reached the elevator, however, colder, rational thoughts melted away my hotheaded rage. I let my frustrations get the better of me again. When the elevator doors opened, I stumbled inside and sighed. The numbers descended, and I calmed down.

If I wanted to keep my job, I’d have to get coffee within office grounds. That way, Andrew could have easy access to chew me out. And I’d sit there, not giving him a word of lip. Unless he decided to chew me out through an online meeting. Some ironies are too much to bear.

“That’ll be $6.30, sir.”

“Thanks.”

As I put my credit card back into my wallet, I saw a long scrap of paper sticking out. It was a movie ticket for The Truman Show rerun, slotted at 8 pm today. Reading through the ticket reminded me to check my phone and see if the surprise worked on my sister.

10:08 | JUST SAW THE TICKET

10:08 | TANK YU

10:09 | shit

10:09 | THANK YOU, YOU’RE THE LITERAL BEST

I used to be close to my sister. I used to surprise her, tease her, and know everything about her. But somewhere along the way, I got lost. I followed the people around me. I followed them until I ended up doing shit I don’t like with people I can’t stand. Now round and round my life goes, stuck in a perpetual loop of frustration and resignation. The worst part was, I never knew I was getting stuck in this spiral.

But reading through these texts, over and over again, and seeing the giddiness in her response…I actually did something of value in this world. I made another person happy. And that thought was enough to keep me smiling through the overpriced coffee and shitty day.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a man through the window. He was stumbling through the parking lot, with his head burned in his chest. I walked over to the window to get a better look at him. But when I peered over, he was nowhere to be found. I craned my neck left, then right, before getting on my toes to look straight down. But before I could, a hand hit the window with a *SLAM*.

I stumbled back and fell on my ass. Pressed against the glass was a pair of sickening eyes. Color had been stolen from his eyes, white flooding his iris. All that was left was a pair of melted, milky blues, blindly searching for help. He kept crying out something but his charred throat was unable to say the words.

I scrambled to my feet, bursting out the door and coming back around to the man. At this point, he was flailing on the ground, clawing at his skin. I knelt beside him and held him still. But then I saw it. His legs, his arms, his face. All of it was scorched. And then I heard it. The cry he kept uttering.

“It burns, it burns, it burns, it burns…”

A scream broke out in the distance. Then another. And another. It washed over the cars, getting faster and closer. When the screams became deafening, I saw them. People. Running toward something. No. Fleeing from something.

The horde rushed through the parking lot. Some spilled into the surrounding trees. Others ran past the office. They clawed and dug into themselves, trying to rid themselves of heat. One man ran so fast that he didn’t notice the oncoming wall. A sickening crack ensued, from the wall or the man, I don’t know. The man collapsed and writhed in agony.

Something had charred these people. And something would char me.

Burns seared the sides of my arms. It felt like daggers, tearing through flesh and scraping through bone. I tried to claw it out, to rid myself of this pain, but the more I struggled, the more it spread. In a last-ditch effort, I hurled myself toward the water-sprinkled grass.

It didn’t help. Nothing would. I was going to die. On one side, the ants had stopped spinning. Twenty-four paltry years. I’d never find my soulmate. I’d never have someone call me dad. I’d never get to take Aarushi to that movie. Was I like the ants? Spiraling day after day, never in control? Did any of this matter?

No.

I felt a piece of paper on the tips of my fingers. With the last ounce of strength, I forced myself to look at the movie ticket. If I was going to die, I wouldn’t die witnessing pointless cruelty. If I was going to die, I’d die remembering the people in my life.

A cool gust of wind gently tugged the ticket out of my hand. It tumbled across the grass and out of view. Where would it go? Stay stuck in the ground? Get drenched in dew? Caught in the trees? I couldn’t know. But even then. I hoped it would soar. Across the sky, onward and upward, to a world better than this. As my vision waned, one thought stuck with me till the end. I mattered.

I mattered.