Broken Bonds
I was standing in the middle of the room, with warm tears streaming down my face, and it didn't matter how much I tried I couldn't stop them. I couldn't believe what had just happened. My mind started focusing on the wood scent that came from the room of the packhouse, the dim light, to check if it was really happening. Romer was there in front of me, his eyes felt unfamiliar, distant. They were full of anger and disappointment, and he never looked me like that. His dark blue looked like black and for the first time I was scared. He turned his head, like only my sight disgusted him, and I started feeling my legs losing their power.
"You betrayed me, Lya!" His voice was powerful and just like a thunder it made me fall on my knees. "You knew how much I trusted you, you knew I would do anything for you and of all people you were the one that stabbed me in back"
My heart ached in pain for him. I knew exactly what he meant, but still how couldn't he believe me when I told him that it was all a misunderstanding. Five minutes before we were in the dance hall laughing and making plans for the future, and now this. He had to believe me.
“Romer, no, please believe me, this is all a misunderstanding” I tried to talk but the voice was stuck in my throat, and barely a whisper came out. “I would never hurt you, I love you…” and I tried to stretch my arm to touch his. I needed his touch, his warmth.
He retracted his arm, and looked at me in full disgust. His jaw clenched, and his eyes became even darker. He was close to losing control and if his wolf took over it would become a disaster.
“Don't you even dare say that. You call this love? Do you even know what that word means? Because if you knew it, you wouldn't be here betraying me with him. You just gave me the proof that you never cared about me and that you cannot be trusted.”
My chest tightened even more. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore in that room and my head started feeling dizzy. This couldn't be happening, he is my mate, we are destined to each other by fate. We should feel safe together, but he was giving up on us and was throwing away all we had together like it was nothing.
Sobbing and with my hands trembling I said "You can’t leave me, Romer, we’re mates. We’re destined to be together. Fate brought you back to me after all…"
“Stop it” His shoulders stiffened and for a moment I thought I got through his defense, but then his voice turned cold and just, just like his whole body, and said "Fate made a mistake in this case. I reject you Lya, we're done, have all the fun you want with him"
A terrible excruciating pain spread through all my chest, and I felt like something was ripping oof all my bones. It was my wolf Nyx, that by hearing the last words was in pain and all of her power was fading out, as she didn't want to live a life without her mate. I felt hitting the ground with my head and with the last bit of energy I tried to call him, but just saw his back while he was going out of the door.
I opene my eyes and saw that I was in my room, this meant it was again a nightmare. My body was full in sweat, my hands trembling and the sheets were all twisted. The pain of the rejection still was strong and I hadn't heard Nyx anymore since that night. It's been six months and still I felt like I could never breathe properly. I still couldn't sleep without reviving that night in my dreams, and without thinking about what could I had done differently during the day.
My mom's soft hand touched my shoulder. She turned in my personal nurse during all this time, if it wasn't for all her love and cures probably I wouldn't be here now, but I don't know if to be grateful to her or feel trapped in a life I was not sure I wanted to live without him.
"Lya, honey, it was just a nightmare” said my mom softly. Her green eyes were filled with tears, but she was holding them back just to give me a bit of strength. Probably she would cry while I was at the University, but in front of me my parents were trying to be strong and had always comforting words.
I automatically hugged her, and she hugged me even tighter. She always had this power of calming me without saying much. And during these tough months just these moments felt like I was living again. Tears streamed down my face, and she didn't even try to stop me. Her hand started making circles on my back and slowly I felt them slowly drying out. When she noticed I was calmer she pulled back, took my chin and looked at me with her beautiful green golden eyes, and said “I made pancakes and your favorite tea, so get up, have a shower and come downstairs”
“Mom I don't feel like…”
“You'd rather let your body decompose on this bed, while years pass by? Or you can get up and do something for yourself today. The choice is up to you my dear but you are 21, your whole life is waiting to be lived, and even if it may feel like a crap now, you can still fight for it to get better,”
“You always manage to do it” and she asked “what exactly did I do?”
“You never gave up on me, and never left me do it either”. She smiled back and stood up from my bed. “You have 10 minutes otherwise you'll be late for University, you know how much work we have at the pack Hospital, so hurry up to finish your studies and come help us”.
I nodded half-heartedly, not really hearing her. Got up and went straight to the shower. My mind went directly to him, to why all that happened and how could I make it better. I wasn't able to give up on us but he was nowhere to be found. After leaving the pack house that night he vanished and no one knew where he was or what he could be doing.
After getting ready I took my phone and out if habit I wrote him the usual good morning text, and as everyday they were all unanswered and and unread.
“How's your chest pain today?” Asked my father ad shead I stepped into the kitchen. I didn't even try to lie, I knew way too well that he would recognize it. And I knew even better that as a pack doctor he was one of the few who could really understand the physical pain of being rejected.
“It's still there dad, it's not really improving”. His eyebrows went together as he started thinking and mumbled “I will try something else tonight, maybe a warm pack with essential oils on your chest will help you loosen up all the muscles”
As I walked to the door, ready to head to the university, I paused. The world outside moved forward, it was winter and I hadn't even noticed it properly until that moment. I was stuck, trapped in that moment and frozen in time, still trying to understand how everything had gone so terribly wrong.
"When did this all happen?" I murmured more to myself than anyone else.
