Not my Mate

As I stood over the flowerbed and continued to think what I was actually doing. What was before me was my mother face down passed out in the carnations. Normally I would just spray her with the hose and deal with her anger. But since Tyla would be coming today with her fiancée. She told us all about him and that he was the love of her life and that she was rejected by her mate, and he was happy to have her as his. He was with her though all of the rejection pains and up to where he finally chose his mate and the pains stopped. She was very adamant that she would never want that pain wished for anyone.

I didn’t know why she was always so forceful about that, and I couldn’t care less about what she thought about that. When mother asked her about his mate and if he had found her, yet she always avoided the question or changed the subject to their mating ceremony and what she wanted. I knew that I would be the one to pay for everything and I just couldn’t handle that right now.

Checking the time, I noticed that it was three. I would need to get her up and, in a shower, before they got here and some food so that she would be sober-ish when they walked through the door. I just hoped that there was no over drinking that I would have to monitor tonight. I already hid all of the pills she would usually take, and I just needed to find the illicit drugs that she had hidden in the house too.

Leaning down I began to pat her back like she was a newborn that needed soothing. She basically was one with how she was acting. Ever since my father was gone, she reverted back to this. I didn’t know what it was that caused her to act like this. Everyone in the pack knew that my father was gone and looked at her with pity for losing her mate.

I knew that was a hard thing to deal with but there was so much more that they didn’t know about, and I am glad that they didn’t. Most didn’t lose their mate this early especially when we were so long lived. There was no reason for them to be gone like this. Unless there was an accident, or they chose a mate then left when they found their real one.

Neither of those were my father. He was just gone.

When he wasn’t around anymore my mother just spiraled and I needed to focus on raising my little sister. She was sweet and didn’t need to see anything like that happening. So, I hid everything from her. I made sure that I was able to provide everything for her and I went without so that she could have what everyone else had. I knew that if my mother knew I had it would go to booze faster than I could tell her no. She would have it in her hand and be out the door before I felt the money leave my hand.

“Mother wake up. Mom, you need to get up and get ready for Tyla to get here.” I continued to rub her back as she stirred from her sleep.

“What time is it?” She mumbled out through the stems she was pressed into.

“Three. She will be here in three hours. You need a shower and something to eat. I’ll have it ready by the time you are done with your shower.” I never stopped rubbing her back while I could feel the wet mud soaking though my jeans. It was wet from the sprinklers that came on this morning. I was surprised that those didn’t wake her up this time like usual. She must be three sheets to the wind to not notice being sprayed with water.

These were my favorite pair, but I guess I would need to change again and there was nothing I was sure of looked nice enough. I wanted to look nice for my little sister since it has been a year since I last saw her. There was more mumbling, but I couldn’t tell what it was and as I was leaning closer to her to see what it was and before I could get it, she sat up and looked around. Once she saw what her surroundings where she looked at me and I had a second before her hand slapped me across the face. The sting was there, but it wasn’t too bad. “Why did you leave me out here and not take me inside. I ain’t some whore where I can sleep outside because I have no place to go.” The growl at the end was from her wolf. I was just glad that I was as far away as I was right now.

“I tried multiple times to wake you. I’m not strong enough to pull you up.”

“Are you saying I’m fat?” I had to hold in the eye roll, or I would be getting another slap for my attitude. The truth was she was fat, and it was something she hated.

“No just that I am not strong enough to carry in a fifty-pound bag of anything let alone anyone else.” She reached up and pated my cheek getting a little harder with each one.

“That’s right little Ayla can’t do anything without having to have daddy come and help. Well, he isn’t here anymore is he. Poor you. What about poor me? I lost my mate! He’s dead and you can only think about yourself!” That was not what I was getting at, at all. But that is what she would take out of it. She got up and walked into the house wavering and stumbling here and there. I watched and waited until I knew that she was able to get inside and past the first few stairs inside. Once she was, I knew that she would be able to get upstairs without a problem.

I couldn’t say that about my dad. I knew that is what my mother and sister both say. That our dad died, and he wasn’t with us anymore. But I couldn’t say the D word. No matter how many people said that to me I just couldn’t say that. I just say that he is gone or isn’t here anymore. I could never say that he wasdead.

Standing up and brushing the mud I had on me off I went in and into the laundry room off the kitchen in the back. Opening the dryer, I was looking for a pair of jeans or pants that I could wear. All I found was a pair of harem pants. I guess that will do. Taking them out I put them on and their yellow and white poke a dot didn’t go with the shirt I was wearing. I would have to go and change before I started on the food.

She would be in the shower longer than an hour, so I knew that I had time. As I was thinking about the shower, I remembered that I needed to pay the water bill and check the electricity bill. There was no way that I was going to have enough money in my account to pay for both and my sister’s party. There was no way I could do that. Hopefully I would be able to manage something.

Walking back to the front door I was happy to see that the red mark on my cheek was gone. As I looked in the antique round mirror that was hanging outside our living room, I was glad that it didn’t show at all. When I turned and faced the stairs, I could see all the family pictures that we had from the point of being born and after until my father was gone. There was nothing after that except when I made sure that I paid for them for Tyla because she was such a cute little sister that I wanted to make sure that she had the best I could do all the time.

Looking at the last family portrait that we had I could feel a frown come to my face. There was no way I could feel anything else than sad. My father had his arm around my shoulders and had the brightest smile on his face with his eyes crinkling at the corners. My mother was to his right and smiling while she had both her arms around Tyla. Their blond hair styled and shining just the same and their chocolate brown eyes twinkling. My father and I had the dark brown hair and height that my mother and Tyla didn’t have. They were more on the small side. They never grew past five-two. I also knew that my mother got her into an eating disorder, and I hated her for that.

I always had to manage what she was eating and where she was. Then there was the mood swings and everything else. There were so many things that I had to do to make sure that she had the support she needed, but my mother was toxic, and it made it harder to help her when my mother got in the way all the time. She essentially taught her that food was bad and that she needed to not eat to stay pretty. There was nothing that I would give to get that mentality out of her.

Huffing out a sigh I went up ignoring how my blue-grey eyes seemed to linger on my father. I missed him terribly. I just wanted him back, but there was nothing I could do with how things played out. The one thing I knew that could have changed everything was the few people that caused everything to go into motion. Luckily, they were out of the picture now and there was nothing they could do to cause anything bad anymore. If only they stayed out of it to begin with.

Climbing the stairs, I went to my room taking the time to check to make sure I could hear my mother moving in her shower. Once I was satisfied, I went to my room and opened the door to the simple room. It hadn’t changed since my father was last here. I didn’t have the money to change anything that was in here. Any that I had if Tyla wanted something different then it would go to her or to my mother.

Ever since I was in high school, I had to work a job after school, and then another one on the weekends. It was tiring but I was able to manage. The only thing that made it easier was the calls I was able to make when my mother or sister weren’t around. Those calls always made my day and made it easier to handle them. The monetary portion I got from them wasn’t something I wanted ever, but I didn’t get a say in it.