The Mafia's Heart

The sky wept tears of rain as the mourners gathered at the graveside. Umbrellas dotted the crowd, but many simply let the rain wash over them, a fitting accompaniment to their grief. Pastor Johnson stood before them, his voice rising above the patter of raindrops.

"Dear friends and family," he began, "we gather today to bid farewell to our beloved brother, Christian Morgan."

As he spoke I was at the back of the crowd as I didn't want to be seen because in our culture the girlfriend doesn't attend the funeral as it brings bad luck only the wife does but i had to be there for him.

"Ashes to ashes," Pastor Johnson continued, his voice steady, "dust to dust. Our dear brother has returned to the earth from which he came."

Rain drummed against the casket, a relentless reminder of the cycle of life.

"In the book of Genesis, it is written: 'In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.'"

I felt my tears burn as I went back to my car to cry up a storm. "Why me!" I asked as I looked up at the sky. This is my third boyfriend I had to bury in my lifetime. First it was Sandile, second Sphamandla and now Christian Morgan a sweet coloured man who did nothing to harm the world. Maybe I'm the problem it can't be each relationship I get to my boyfriend dies it can't even be a coincidence.

I wiped my tears and went back to my apartment. I took a sick leave at work because how on earth am I supposed to cope at this state. I took of my wet clothes and I took a warm bath.

After that I heard my door bell ring. I'm really not in the mood for visitors. I went to open the door and it was my mom and Precious(My best friend). I let them in and we sat down in silence for just a little while then my mom broke the silence by yelling at me.

Mom:Kiara didn't I tell you not to go to the funeral?! Didn't I?!

I kept quiet at looked at Precious.

Mom:Young lady I'm talking to you!!

Me:(I said with a horse voice from all the crying)You did.

Mom:And what did you do?! Hmm! You took your ass and went there after I specifically told not to! I told you the consequences but NO, Kiara is a young independent woman!!!

Precious held my hand as I could hold back the tears.

Mom: Kiara I warned you! When that boy Sandile was in a car accident and died I specifically told you not to go! But No, you did, you didn't listen to your mom because you believe in your dad's traditions simply because he is a White man. Now look at you bad luck all up in your shoulders the next boyfriend you're going to get is gonna die!! And the next, and the next, and the next until God takes you away or until you decide to commit suicide or  God knows what!!

Each word that came out of her mouth felt like a needle striking right at my heart. And yes Mom did warn me but I'm stubborn as hell and thought those were just African myths.

Mom: I'm not here to lick your wounds Kiara Ozenzile akakhalelwa(he who has done it is not judged).

And with that she took her car keys and slammed the door leaving me and Precious alone. I looked at the door and I cried so hard.

Precious hugged me and I cried on her shoulder. I was really going through it. I even have a headache.

After crying for a while I decided to stop and just catch my breathe because this headache is doing numbers on me.

Precious:Can I get you anything?

Me: Water and some painkillers.

Precious: Okay.(She went to the kitchen and got me some water and painkillers) Here you go.

Me:Thanks. (I drank my meds)

Precious:My deepest condolences Kiara.

Me:Thanks friend.

Prescious:You are strong you know that. You through two before and this one you will get through it.

Me:I doubt it and mom is making it worse. You know I could still smell his fragrance.

Precious:He lives inside your heart now.

Me: It's funny how you said the first time this happened and the second.

Precious: Meaning they all live inside you.

Me: Christian's death really triggered the others. It's like they all died at once.

Precious:You will find someone sweetie.

Me:It literally sounds like you are practicing these lines.

Precious:What do you mean. You know I'm not good at this stuff.

Me:Then just keep quiet and not say anything.

Precious: I'll just give you some space. Don't try to commit suicide because I will fetct you from the deads.

Me:Haha very funny.

Precious: I'm serious.

Precious left and I went to my room and lotioned my body and wore all black because apparently I'm still moaning for Christian, I know we weren't married but I really loved that man, off all the guys I dated he was the sweetest.

I decided to go to the bar and just have a few drinks just do my own "After tears". I took my car keys and went straight to the bar for some drinks.

I got there and it wasn't that full. So I decided to take a table for two but it's only for me. And then the waiter came.

Waiter:Good evening Miss, Can I tempt with a cocktail.

Me:No gave me a cider.

Waiter: Coming right up. Anything else?

Me:Hot French fries.

Waiter: Coming right up.

I took my phone and just browsed on my Instagram account and it was full of Christian because most people knew him and that we were dating. And I saw people giving me weird looks. "What am I supposed to do? We were not married."

The waiter came in with my French fries and  my cider.

Me:Keep them coming.(I point at the glass of cider)

Waiter: Yes mem.

I sit alone at the bar, nursing a pint of cider. The sweet, tangy flavor is a brief respite from the pain that's been suffocating me since this morning. Since they put Christian in the ground. Since I said goodbye to the love of my life.

The plate of Hot French fries kicks  a futile attempt to distract myself from the ache in my heart. But even the heat of the fries can't penetrate the numbness I feel.

It's all so surreal. This morning, I was standing at his graveside, I couldn't watching as they lowered his casket into the earth. And now, I'm here, alone, trying to make sense of it all.

I take a sip of my cider, the condensation on the glass a reminder of the tears I've cried. I feel like I'm drowning in grief, like the pain is going to consume me whole.

The waiter checks in on me occasionally, but I just shake my head. I don't want to talk. I don't want to think. I just want to sit here, in this numbness, and try to make it through the day.

The fries are getting cold, but I don't care. I'm not even sure why I ordered them. Maybe it's just something to do with my hands, something to distract me from the grief that's clawing at my insides.

I take another sip of my cider, the alcohol a weak attempt to numb the pain. But it's not working. Nothing's working. I'm still here, alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company. And the pain. Always the pain.

As I was drowning in pain Christian's sister and her ugly friend showed up slaying. "This prostitutes" I said to myself.Yes Christians younger sister is a prostitute, and this is their spot.

She spotted me sitting alone and came to me with her ugly friend. I just don't understand why she's doing her prostitution Job now knowing very well that her brother died literally this hoe. She was dressed so decent at the funeral you couldn't tell that she was a prostitute with the high body count. I know you're wondering why my mood suddenly changed I can't tolerate this girl I only pretended because I was dating her brother but now, I don't see Christian anyway.

Tyler(Yes that her stupid name but her real name is Margaret):Well well if it isn't Kiara.

Me:Good evening to you too Tyler.

Tyler:You have no shame, today we were burying my brother and you didn't show up but here you are celebrating his death.

Me: Excuse me hoe!

Tyler:What did you just call me??(She pushed the table)

Me:Hoe!

Tyler slapped me so hard I completely forgot that I'm moaning for her brother.

I stoop up and held her by her neck and pinned her against the wall.I literally didn't care if people were staring at us or not.

Me: Listen her hoe I'm not the one showing off my body with a high body count and I was there bitch and I got the yelling of my life for that in my culture the girlfriend doesn't attend the funeral only the wife does. And do you see a ring her.

I slapped her hard and kicked her rotten pussy with my knee. She fell to the ground crying and we got thrown out. Not that I care because alcohol isn't my thing.

I got in my car and went back to my apartment.

I'm Kiara Constant a coloured girl from South Africa, cape town. My dad is white so you have heard and my mom is black. I am short and I got the African body, baby! I got a big ass and big curves and you know normal size boobs combo. "I did not go to turkey for a BBL." My hair is long but you know we got frontals up in SA. Anyways this is my story let's dive in.