Chapter 1
My eyes flutter open, greeted by blinding white lights. Is this heaven? No, it can't be. I should be in hell. It takes me a moment to realize: I am still in hell. I've always been in hell, ever since my mother gave birth to me. Even after two attempts to escape, it still chases me. I can never run away from my own hell—my life.
looking down at my wrist, wrapped in a white bandage. It felt suffocating, a constant reminder of my failure. I needed to get up, but my legs felt too heavy, weighed down by my fear. How am I supposed to face him? How am I supposed to face life? I'm not brave enough. I never have been.
I stayed still, unable to move. That's when I heard his sobbing, faint but unmistakable, coming from somewhere in the hospital room. The sound shattered me. It was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever heard, and I couldn't bear it- especially knowing it came from him. He was enough. He has always been enough. Yet, somehow, I always managed to make him feel insc. Selfish. That's what I am. I wished I was dead. And maybe I've always wished it.
"Eleanor?" His voice was soft, tender—like a lifeline, something I’d crave even in the depths of hell, even as flames consumed me. My heart clenched at the sound, but I couldn’t face him. Not now. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block him out, but his presence was overwhelming, pulling at every corner of my being.
Shame wrapped itself around me like a suffocating blanket. I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes and see the pity, or worse, the disappointment. I had failed at everything—even at dying. How could I face him like this?
