🎭 Chapter 1 🎭
Lizzie
It's been a while since I talked to Sophie! Her boyfriend, Steve had returned in Greece from Italy where he has been working and they have been on vacation together for a week now! I know how much they missed each other so I wanted to give them some space. After the honors of Steve's master's degree and the examination, he was entitled to have fun with his girlfriend!
I missed her! But Sophie could not leave Greece because she had a job here! So since there is no solution, they decided to continue remotely. Of course, they video-talk, but now it's time to see each other in person!
Suddenly I saw my cell phone turn on!
Message! From Sophie!
S: "Come on, Lizzie! We must meet in person!"
L: "What happened Sophie? Are you back already from vacation?"
S: "Yes, yes, we're back. And something unexpected happened. I still can't believe it."
L: "What the hell did happen?"
I said, and my mind was going to a thousand and two things!
S: "Steve proposed to me!"
L: "What?"
I answered in shock!
S: "It's unbelievable for me too Lizzie! I still can't believe it! I'm in shock I didn't expect him to take it seriously.
L: "You look at me like a fool and you were unjustly upset with me and said that he doesn't care about your relationship! Is it possible? If Sophie didn't care...When he went abroad, he had told you that he needs time to complete his master's degree, or he would have told you that your relationship cannot continue with the distance and that's how it would end! You see. Ten years don't fly like that"
S: "Yes, Lizzie, you're right! You just know, it was something unexpected and it came suddenly, and now I'm sitting like a fool looking at the ring and I'm laughing and crying at the same time. It came very suddenly to me like everyone else.
She sent me a picture of the ring. It was beautifully elegant, simple and romantic! Without realizing it, I was moved, something that I don't get easily even with such events! I have experienced countless engagements, weddings, my girlfriends gave birth, but within ten years I experienced so many and one after the other that it lost its uniqueness and became a habit! But Sophie was my best friend, my sister, the only person I trust so much I confide everything, just like her I was sure that their love would beat everything!
L: "I wish I were there right now, to hug you!"
S: "Lizzie, it's as if you're here! How about going out and I'll tell you everything in details!"
L: "Of course Sophie. I can't wait.
I said and I had a smile from ear to ear!
S: "Good Lizzie, let's meet then tomorrow morning at 11 for coffee at the usual place!"
L: "Great! I'll be there! See you!"
S: "Kisses, bye!!!!!!"
A smile formed on my face with the message! The last one always ended with a smiley!...
I lay down and thought about what happened! I was very happy with Sophie. I remembered when we went out and talked and she told me about her childhood friends who had gotten married, started a family so quickly and so young and she has been in a relationship for so many years, but nothing! She was telling me how insecure she felt because she didn't know if Steve wanted to have a future together. She even doubted his love! I told her that if he hadn't loved her, they wouldn't have been together this long. No man does that.
Men don't like to talk about their relationship. They are simpler than us women and if something else was going on, it would be obvious by his actions. I told her that I have a brother and on top of that I know a little bit about male psychology - of course there are exceptions. I didn't want to make the expert on the subject, but if you observe the other person well, their behavior, small details, how they treat others, and you don't overlook them, then you know what kind of person they are, especially when you've been with them for ten years.
I reassured her and in the end she agreed with me.
I know they went through difficulties but they overcame them and are together.
She said that she finally found a man to trust! And she told me that she felt the same when she met me! And without a second thought, she confided in me things that she hadn't in her other friends!
When she once asked me if I had fallen in love, I told her:
I'm the kind of woman who falls in love at first sight. I would feel something from the beginning.
- "Yes, I know you're going to tell me, that it only happens in the movies but I can't lie to you. This is me and I can't do otherwise. That's how I feel. He must have that "something" that will make me want him from the beginning. And Sophie, believe me, I have dated so many guys and you know I can't change who I am.
When I digested it, I thought that in a little while I will be getting ready for another wedding, of my best friend! It was something I was looking forward to with great joy and anticipation with a smile of happiness on my face!
Unconsciously and almost mechanically I began to search in my mind who was free. I furrowed my brows and began to think all of my old classmates I knew and had kept in touch with. They all had gotten married! Some here and others abroad!
They even had children. Some of my friends also are married and have kids, some are in a relationship, and some are engaged.
My mind raced to relatives! Many of my first and second cousins have also married! My first cousin with whom we are the same age got married recently and this year they had a son. Another first cousin had a relationship and was getting married and his sister, my first cousin who was against marriage and commitment has been with a child for a year now, they are living together and this year she met his family and he met hers! Recently, I went to a second cousin's wedding!
For a few minutes I stopped thinking. What the heck? What a blast with weddings! I went to laugh, but I didn't. I felt a pinch in my chest. I can't understand this! How do they find their match so easily? Even my crazy brother! He has been with his girlfriend for almost 3 years and he has told me that he is waiting for them to stabilize with the work issue, to decide where they will stay in order to move forward.
I realized that I was the only one free left. Is it something I'm doing wrong? I was trying to understand myself. I go out, and I have friends and I have met guys. So why? Why is it so hard for me to fall in love? Why it's never happened to me? I've been trying to find answers to my questions. Am I that difficult and pickey? Am I looking for the perfect one? Nope. I'm realistic enough to know that perfect doesn't exist. All I'm waiting for is a spark to light in my heart for someone. Something that has never been done before! What if I don't deserve something like that? To Be in love...? What if I'm unworthy? What if...?
I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I'm 29 and I haven't been in love. What does that make me? Weird, Horrible? Unphased? Cold as a fridge? Harsh? New questions unanswered...
I turned on my bed full of thoughts, anxious...
What if... if that someone for me doesn't exist? If he's far away from here and he can't find me? My God, what am I talking about? I'm talking nonsense...
What I wouldn't give now not to be me! If only everything was so easy and simple. I was sure that I would be with someone by now, and I would be happy...
But no! No. I can't imagine myself with someone I'm not in love with. End of story. I know this is something that doesn't change. But inside me, a silent alarm started to go off. No matter how many years I tried to ignore it, with all the facts and the thoughts that plagued my mind, I could no longer ignore it.
I didn't pay much attention. I was saying that it's still early, that somehow, I'll find someone, but the years passed so quickly and I'm still here, all alone. I remember that when I was little, I used to say that by the time I was 22, I would be married and have a family. The irony of life! As if my stress and sadness weren't enough, I also had my relatives goad me and asking me when I was getting married.
They are also very interested in me!
I really can't stand it! If I get married, I will only do so to escape their nagging! No, but what am I saying?
No! I want to marry because of love! I don't want such an important event of my life, my wedding, to happen for some trivial reason! Such an important event, must be done and start with the most important, valuable thing in life: It must start with love! Only then will the marriage have substance, value, quality and duration! Unless I just want to show my social circle that I got married too and do it for the sake of show, social glamor and recognition to shut down all the gossip or to escape family pressure.
No! Never! If I do such a thing, I will be unhappy for my whole life. I know it. No I won't do them the favor to see me unhappy. It would be as if I'm killing myself slowly and excruciatingly. No! I'm not!
I'd rather never get married than make a mistake like that. So far nothing has happened. I don't know if it will happen in the future. It's certainly not late, but it's getting harder and harder. It's better if I take the hard decision now and don't let myself going through any more agony. I have to make a decision now.
I will not marry! I will devote myself to my work! I will have fun. Yes, that's it!
I will get used to it...
I fell asleep with these thoughts!
Alec
Sleep does not stick to me as usual! Sleep has always been my enemy! It has been like that since I was a little kid. I remember when I was four years old, running to my room -you didn't call it a room of course it was a hole that held a small bed, a small table where I would read with a chair and a wardrobe and snuggle under the bed- with my eyes wide open and watching out for threatening sounds and yelling. It had become a habit.
My room was my sanctuary. If I was in there he wouldn't be able to find me right away. I thought he'd be distracted by something else, a bottle of beer, the TV or falling asleep on the couch. When he called me, my mother always found and told him excuses to save me from his hands my father's hands.
I squirmed on my bed in annoyance. How on earth did this memory come to me now? It belonged to the past. I was done with that too. I made sure to erase every memory of my past and I was hooked so he was convinced, hours at my psychologist and a lot of money too. Above all, it took a lot of courage to talk to Jake and before talking to him to trust him. But he helped me a lot like no one else and now I'm thinking of following his advice about my insomnia, the only way to become dead beat, and manage to get even a little sleep.
I took a deep breath and got out of bed I went to the next room that was the gym, I put on my boxing gloves, and I started punching the bag hanging from the ceiling with a chain. I started with simple punches and continued with stronger ones. No, it doesn't help. I took off the boxing gloves.
Wow, I put the one and only list that calms me down the only music I listen to - death metal. I didn't have favorite songs, so they all sounded the same to me. It was my medicine, it numbed my mind, my thoughts. That's all I needed. Full volume, I pressed play and put the gloves back on I was nodding my head to the beat of the music. Already starting to relax. I walked over to the sack and started bouncing to the beat of the music. Every punch I gave got stronger. I also put the kicks in the game.
One or two, with the other leg now. Turn in the air and kick with the right leg, knee with the left. Punches again.
The taekwondo lessons did not go to waste. I remembered something and I smiled. I remembered my teacher telling me that I had prospects of being a champion in the sport and when I asked why he thought so, he told me that he had many students with physical abilities trained, but he also saw in me the "spark" that was missing from the others. Too bad I didn't manage to stay at school. I had to be kicked out because I used to be more "awkward" than was necessary. The kind of a silent kid that was like a ticking bob, ready to explode any moment and that's why I couldn't stay there. I would have caused a problem if someone would corner me and that would be a bad thing for me.
I'm better that way. I have my own gym and I can push as hard as I want without the risk of getting kicked out I went on a little longer until I started to feel the effects of the exercise and music on my tired body. Mind numb, whole body tired from exercise. Yeah now the only thing missing is a nice hot bath before I can drop dead in my bed.
I took off my gloves, turned off the music, and took a shower. I let the hot water fall on me. It made me feel relaxed. When I was done, I only had the stamina to put on a pair of boxers and collapse on my bed. Tomorrow, I had to wake up early to go to my company...
[Flashback]
"Alec, listen to me love, mom is going to be gone for a while but she'll be back okay?"
"Where are you going mom?"
"Don't worry baby, I have a little business to take care of and I'll be right back home, okay?"
"If you're going to come back right away why are you taking a suitcase with you?"
"I need it, okay? Oh come on now, don't get that look my love, don't get suspicious."
"And dad? What will I tell him if he asks for you?"
"Don't worry son, I'll be back before he comes, so you don't have to worry okay? You're my little man Alec! Keep your head up!"
She said, and lifted my chin with her index finger and smiled at me!
"Look what we're going to do Alec. We're going to play a game: You're going to go to your room, close your eyes and count from one to one hundred. Before you get to one hundred, I'll be back baby! Agreed?"
"Are you really coming back mom?"
"Of course Alec!"
She said, and I saw her looking anxiously out the door she had left open. She came back to me more determined.
"I swear! Mom doesn't lie! Okay? Huh?"
"Okay mom"
I said, and relieved she hugged me, kissed my hair and gave me a pat, pinched my cheek and said;
"What did I tell you to do?"
"Go to my room and count..."
"Come on, what are you waiting for?"
She said and winking, took her suitcase and hurriedly left the house. I waited for her to turn her head to give me one last look... I waited at the door until I couldn't see her anymore... I then ran to my room, closed my eyes and started counting quickly...
I got to a hundred and was waiting to hear her coming...
Nothing.
What if...if I had to count slower?...
I started counting again slowly, steadily. The closer I got to a hundred, the slower I went. I was thinking that as long as I count, I have hopes that she will come back. But what if I get to a hundred and she still doesn't come? What do I do next? I don't want to think about it...if I'm counting I'm busy, I'm only thinking about the numbers, the next number, the next one... I'm not thinking about the drunk f...
"Where are you baby? Where is that little bastard?"
I heard his angry voice vibrating through the whole house. I felt my heart jump out of my chest!
"...97, 98, 99...100"
"So this is where you're hiding!"
He said with his awful voice, discovering my hide-out, and a sinister smile that was promising a lot...!
